Perfect Enough

[nomiyah]

PERFECT ENOUGH(By Nomi Yah)Verse 1:Your child gets tallWhile you are busyAnd think of it isn'tIt really a shameIf you miss it allChildhood is briefPicture books and loose teethAnd that Little League gameMan, relaxChorus:Life is perfect enoughIt's perfect enoughIt could be betterSometimes it's roughBut todayIs perfectIn so many waysPerfect enoughVerse 2:Your Jaguar's fastBut you're running lateYou won't catch the planeBut you'll get on the nextAnd you'll fly first-classTrying to achieveThe American DreamWhile you're piling debtsMan, relaxChorus:Life is perfect enoughIt's perfect enoughIt could be betterSometimes it's roughBut todayIs perfectIn so many waysPerfect enoughBridge:You should be proudOf what you've doneLook how far you've comeVerse 3:Hold on to your dreamKeep up what you're doingIf it doesn't ruinThe time that you spendWith your familyYou are their rockAnd they love when you walkThrough the door at the endOf the dayChorus:Life is perfect enoughIt's perfect enoughIt could be betterSometimes it's roughBut todayIs perfectIn so many waysPerfect enough

[nomiyah]

I did a rewrite so I modified the post. Still love to hear comments if you have time to read it.Nomi

[lwj001]

http://www.pic-a-pagediscounts.com/Real ... ics.htmlHi nomiyah. I can't see where much improvement is warranted, except for a couple minor adjustments. I like the line about picture books and loose teeth. Very reality driven. In the little league line, I'd change "that" to "those" since games is plural. Childhood is briefPicture books and loose teethAnd that Little League games------------------Also, I'd add "up" before the word debts. Most would expect to see it there.Trying to achieveThe American DreamWhile you're piling __ debts---------------Can't see any other mods. Great song and a very important message.

[nomiyah]

Thanks so much for your response.I picked picture books, loose teeth and Little League as things that only happen in a short window of time.Actually it's "And that Little League game"singular to rhyme better with "shame". I'll modify the post to correct it.I did try "pile up debts" and it sounds better talking. But it sings better "piling debts". I'll try it again though just to be sure. I haven't recorded it yet so am still open to the tweaks.Stay cool.Nomi

[edteja]

Hold on to your dreamKeep up what you're doingThis seemed awfully conversational to me. Maybe too much for a song. What about a little parallel construction.Hold onto your dreamHold onto what you are doingThen later you write:Life is perfect enoughIt's perfect enoughIt could be betterSomething grates a bit about all the uses of "It" (the ear inside my head that doesn't know the music, of course)Life is perfect enoughPerfect enoughCould be better Using breath spaces where the Its are now???Just some inital thoughts. The sentiment is a good one.

[nomiyah]

Ed,I'll have to experiment with the "It" factor... A quick fix would be:"Life is perfect enoughPerfect enough"I haven't decided on the line "Hold onto your dream" but the second line sings well. The line fits the content but do you think it's an over-used phrase? Originally I had "Set priorities" as the first line but thought it was a little instructional. I'm currently working on other options, especially since "family" is an easy word to rhyme.Thanks for your comments!!!!Nomi

[Casey H]

Hi Nomi! I always find it hard to review lyrics without music. There have been things that have not read well to me that sounded great with music. These are nice lyrics. Conversational is good unless there are too many pronouns and/or conjuctions, but these things usually get weeded out at recording time. I find that different vocalists (and even myself at different times) use different phrasing that affects whether the filler words are good or not.My only comment about the song is: I think may be too much like "Cat's In The Cradle" and therefore may fall into the "it's all been done before" category. Casey

[nomiyah]

Casey,Yes it's been said before that you have to appreciate the things you have before it's too late. But I think my song has a unique way of saying it.I'm confused about your saying the chorus should be more specific than the verses. Most people say the chorus should be more general and the verses more specific. Care to elaborate?The music isn't recorded yet but I'll post it when it's done. Thanks for the comments.Nomi

[nomiyah]

Actually, "pile up debts" is not that hard to sing. That was my original line so I'm putting it back in. Here's the rewrite with all of your suggestions so far:PERFECT ENOUGH(Words and music by Nomi Yah)Verse 1Your child gets tallWhile you are busyAnd think of it isn’tIt really a shameIf you miss it allChildhood is briefPicture books and loose teethAnd that Little League gameMan, relaxChorusLife is perfect enoughPerfect enoughLord, it could be betterSometimes it’s roughBut today is perfectIn so many waysPerfect enoughVerse 2Your Jaguar’s fastBut you’re running lateYou won’t catch the planeBut you’ll get on the nextAnd you’ll fly first-classTrying to achieveThe American DreamWhile you pile up debtsMan, relaxChorusLife is perfect enoughPerfect enoughLord, it could be betterSometimes it’s roughBut today is perfectIn so many waysPerfect enoughBridgeYou should be proud of what you’ve doneLook how far you’ve comeVerse 3Hold onto your dreamKeep up what you’re doingIf it doesn’t ruinThe time that you spendWith your familyYou are their rockAnd they love when you walkThrough the door at the endOf the dayChorusLife is perfect enoughPerfect enoughLord, it could be betterSometimes it’s roughBut today is perfectIn so many waysPerfect enough

[Casey H]

Quote:Casey,Yes it's been said before that you have to appreciate the things you have before it's too late. But I think my song has a unique way of saying it.I'm confused about your saying the chorus should be more specific than the verses. Most people say the chorus should be more general and the verses more specific. Care to elaborate?The music isn't recorded yet but I'll post it when it's done. Thanks for the comments.NomiYeah, I don't know why I said that - you are right. I guess the chorus didn't do anything for me, but I wasn't sure why. But honestly, with music my reaction could be very different. I modified my original post. Casey