*****BETTER DAYS******* reviews please :-)

[tuskaiae]

BETTER DAYSTHERE MUST BE SOMETHING IN THE WATERSOMETHING RUNNING THROUGH OUR VEINSTHAT HAS POISONED OUR GENERATIONOUT OF LIFE AND COOL CARD GAMESCAUSE WE THINK WE’RE THE FRONT RUNNERSTECHNOLOGIES ON TOPAND THOSE SIMPLE THINGS THAT GRABBED US THEN TOOK A RIDE THAT NEVER STOPPEDCHORUSNOW I WISH I COULD REWINDTAKE ME BACK TO BETTER DAYSWHERE FIREWORKS RULED OUR NIGHTS AND VIDEOS WERE PLAYEDI GUESS IT’S GETTING OLDERTHAT COULD MAKE ME FEEL THIS WAYBUT HOW I WISH I COULD RE-ORDER, TAKE ME BACK TO BETTER DAYSNOW WE LIVED AROUND THE CORNERNOT FAR FROM THE CORNER SHOPAND IT WASN’T WHAT WE HAD BACK THENJUST HOW MUCH MORE OF IT WE GOTI GUESS THE NEXT LINE COMINGTHEY’LL FIND TRUTH INSIDE TODAYAND THEY’LL SING ALL THE LINES, JUST DIFFERENT KINDSTO REMEMBER BETTER DAYSCHORUSNOW I WISH I COULD REWIND TAKE ME BACK TO BETTER DAYSWHERE FIREWORKS RULED OUR NIGHTS AND VIDEOS WERE PLAYEDI GUESS IT’S GETTING OLDERTHAT COULD MAKE ME FEEL THIS WAYBUT HOW I WISH I COULD RE-ORDER, TAKE ME BACK TO BETTER DAYSSEE I KNOW ITS WISHFUL THINKINI KNOW THAT THINGS MIGHT NEVER CHANGETHE SPEED, ACCELERATION OF THE WORLD WE’RE IN TODAYBUT I THINK THE MINDS WERE KILLINGCOULD BE THE PRICE WE’LL HAVE TO PAYHEY I COULD BE WRONG…IT’S JUST MY SONGABOUT MY LIFE AND BETTER DAYS

[tuskaiae]

NOW THIS ISN'T A GOOD THING, TO REPLY TO YOUR OWN POST, BUT I JUST WANNA SAY THAT AN OPINION OTHER THAN MY OWN WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED. THESE LYRICS CAME ABOUT ONE DAY AT WORK OF ALL PLACES SO I QUICKLY TYPED OUT THE FIRST VERSE AND CHORUS, THE REST I CAME UP WITH THAT NIGHT.....I THINK IT WAS INSPIRED A BIT FROM THAT "I WISH I WAS A PUNKROCKER" SONG AND "WAITING ON THE WORLD TO CHANGE" STRANGE BUT TRUE....THE MUSIC IS YET TO COME, i'VE NEVER BEEN GOOD WITH LYRICS THAT CAME BEFORE THE MUSIC.

[davewalton]

Quote:NOW THIS ISN'T A GOOD THING, TO REPLY TO YOUR OWN POST, BUT I JUST WANNA SAY THAT AN OPINION OTHER THAN MY OWN WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED. THESE LYRICS CAME ABOUT ONE DAY AT WORK OF ALL PLACES SO I QUICKLY TYPED OUT THE FIRST VERSE AND CHORUS, THE REST I CAME UP WITH THAT NIGHT.....I THINK IT WAS INSPIRED A BIT FROM THAT "I WISH I WAS A PUNKROCKER" SONG AND "WAITING ON THE WORLD TO CHANGE" STRANGE BUT TRUE....THE MUSIC IS YET TO COME, i'VE NEVER BEEN GOOD WITH LYRICS THAT CAME BEFORE THE MUSIC.I'm not a lyrics guy so I can't help. You may not know this but typing in all caps on forums, emails, etc, is the equivalent of shouting. Add in the BOLD typeface and about a dozen asterisks in your subject... well, perhaps a more subtle approach. Be patient about this. You posted at 11pm Tuesday after everyone is in bed and already your asking again about comments first thing this morning before anyone is awake. That only left yesterday for anybody to respond. One day service is only available at the Wal-Mart and Walgreens photo centers. Getting critiques to music and lyrics on most forums including this is a hit-and-miss thing, having more to do with what everyone is or isn't doing in their regular lives. Not busy = more critiques, busy = less or no critiques. If you don't get a reply right away or at all, don't take it personal. Wait a week or so and then repost. One of the shortcomings of the forum software is that it's cumbersome to keep up with all the new posts. Probably like most forum members, I just click the "10 most recent posts" link. That's fine but I know that some posts roll off the list before I ever see them.Hope that helps,Dave

[aubreyz]

I must say Dave... you win the overall nice guy award.

[davewalton]

Quote:I must say Dave... you win the overall nice guy award. Depends on the day. Could have easily gone the other way.

[hummingbird]

Actually someone told me that they like lyrics in caps in Nashville. I said 'oh, yuck'. It's much harder to read and it feels like the writer is shouting.I'm wondering what genre these lyrics are meant for. Overall they have a good rythm and seem well structured. I'm not sure if they come across well in a couple of places.For example, in verse 1,THAT HAS POISONED OUR GENERATIONOUT OF LIFE AND COOL CARD GAMESour generation is poisoned out of "cool card games"? I don't get that thought.In the chorus you say "and videos were played" - how is that in the past? I can still rent & buy & play videos.I like the 'fireworks' idea, but I'm not sure about this: "take me back to better days when fireworks ruled our nights"Verse 2 begins with "Now" which I read as meaning "today" - but the verse is about the past.NOW Oh, WE LIVED AROUND THE CORNERNOT FAR FROM THE CORNER SHOPAND IT WASN’T WHAT WE HAD BACK THENJUST HOW MUCH MORE OF IT WE GOTbut this line doesn't make sense to me - "I guess the next line coming they'll find the truth inside today"I want to hear more about what specific things you HAD and how you had MUCH MORE of it, and WHY they meant so much to you.Overall I think you have great ideas, but for me the lyric is mostly telling and no showing, and of the few examples you do have (videos, cool card games), most don't make sense to me. It doesn't move me.When I think of "better days" I think of people being able to get an education without mortgaging their future, about people being to buy a house on one salary, about kids being able to play in the park without worrying about getting snatched, about being able to buy groceries at the store that didn't need extra packaging to stop someone from poisoning it, about a time when young women and men weren't dying in a war...I encourage you to think more deeply about what 'better days" means and focus the lyric so that it shows us those things.All the above is just my opinion, feel free to keep or sweep.cheersHummin'bird

[davewalton]

Quote:Actually someone told me that they like lyrics in caps in Nashville. That could be. I was just referring to his reply and his original post, not the lyrics themselves.

[tuskaiae]

Thanks Dave and Hummingbird for the replys....I'm sorry about the impatience in waiting for a reply....I guess it's the time difference that throws me off a little too. (I live in Australia)Sorry bout the caps also, I'm wasn't shouting, just using them to draw attention. Hummingbird you have great critiques and I totally agree with you on the line Now we lived around the corner, I can loose the now.The cool card games is a weak line, just tried to sum up in this song what I remember of my childhood.....yes people still play cards and there are videos still being watched, but like records, tv, tape cassettes....videos and card games are being over run by say dvds and the internet.This is a lighthearted look at better days, my childhood in the 80s - early 90s, it's not serious enough to be political, even though I can definitely see what you are saying, there is much injustice in the world...but thats a whole other song.Thankyou for your replys, as I said they are greatly appreiciated. I'll take them on board and get to re-writingLouise