"A Break" Reveiw

[countrysongwriter1]

“A Break”Right now, there’s someone in the cold,Right now, someone’s feelin lil’ bit old,Somewhere someone’s, breakin up’And someone’s just bout had enoughAnd they ask,(Chorus)Lord please give them a break,Cause I don’t know if they can take, Anymore of this, they say life’s full of tests,And I guess,This is one, Lord give Them a break.Right now, there’s a heartache,Right now, someone’s full of pain.Somewhere someone’s beggin’ for foodAnd someone wondering is life’s worth livin it through,And they ask,(Chorus)Lord please give them a break,Cause I don’t know if they can take, Anymore of this, they say life’s full of tests,And I guess,This is one, Lord give Them a break.Bridge:Everywhere there’s people like me wonderin,Why innocent people are suffering’,And Wishin’, and, prayin’(Chorus)Lord please give them a break,Cause I don’t know if they can take, Anymore of this, they say life’s full of tests,And I guess,This is one, Lord give Them a break.Give them a break(C) 2006 Matt Lee

[matto]

Hi cs1,this is a pretty good lyric, straightforward and to the point for the most part. Some things to consider:1- There's some confusing usage of the pronoun "they/them"...it doesn't always seem to refer to the same people: "they ask, Lord please give them a break" for example sounds weird...shouldn't it be "they ask, Lord please give us a break"? Or "I ask, Lord please give them a break"? (cause in the next line you say "I don't know if they can take"). Then a bit further down you say "they say life is full of tests", and in this case "they" refers to somebody different than the previous "they/them"s...too many they/thems make it hard to keep track of who's who in this song, particularly without the benefit of a lyric sheet in front of you.2- If you're hoping to pitch this song to Nashville (which I would assume is the case judging from your name ), your lyric needs to be a lot more visual and specific, particularly in the verses:"Right now, there’s someone in the cold,Right now, someone’s feelin lil’ bit old,Somewhere someone’s, breakin up’And someone’s just bout had enough"is far too generic. I don't wanna know about abstract "someones" with generic problems, I wanna know about one specific person with a very specific problem: An old man who's holding his dying wife's hand as she takes her last breaths; a homeless veteran alone out in the cold on Christmas day...that's type of stuff that make a compelling country lyric. It could be a different individual in each verse, the whole song doesn't have to be about one individual, but you need to give us specific individuals and situations we can relate to...so then when you say "They say life is full of tests and I guess THIS is one", it actually makes sense cause you have shown us an individual, specific, relatable such "test".3- Again, for Nashville pitches (which are notoriously competitive) I have to say I don't think the overall idea and concept of the song as it stands now is gonna be compelling enough to the average jaded Nashville publisher. It's a little bit bland and unexciting, again too generic in nature IMHO. You're not really committing to a specific direction: Is the song supposed to be about a "test" of faith? I which case "Lord give them a break" doesn't make much sense, it should be something like "Lord show them the way" or "Lord don't let them falter". Or, if the song is really just about "a break", then what is the "test" doing in there? Do you see what I mean? Pick one direction, one concept, and make the most of it. Don't confuse the issues, and thus your audience.Hope this helps you, and best of luck to you!matto

[countrysongwriter1]

Thank you, I did have "US" but someone told me to change it, so i did, and i forgot to change "They Ask, thank you again

[countrysongwriter1]

yea i get what you mean, thank you