New Song looking for feedback

[jonmagillmusic]

Time Will Help Me Say Goodbye Jon Magill Music copyright 2004Here I sit, surrounded by your memory just another day gone byIn the middle of a crowd but I'm still lonelyFightin' back tears since you said goodbyeHowever will I forget you even after all this timeHowever will I forget you Please, God help me say goodbyeYou never were able to say those words to me, the ones I needed to hearto tell me you were finally leavin, let me move on without you hereHowever will I forgive you after all you've done wrongHowever will I forgive you you've been gone for so longThere are days I still have visions, but my mind is foolin' me,now I've made my decision I've got to be freeI never will forget you, and as time goes byI never will forget you, time will help me say goodbye Time will help me say goodbye TEXTTEXTTEXT

[summeoyo]

Hi Jon. I noticed an evolving chorus and a lack of repetition of what one would think is your hook(your title). In your first two choruses you're asking HOW(not however)will I forget you and HOW will I forgive you?Why are you asking how will I forget you(indicating that you want to forget) if when later you state that you've decided to be free - "I never will forget you."? Your V1 states that "you said goodbye" then your V2 states "You were never able to say those words to me." after the chorus which ends with "..help me say GOODBYE". There appears to be a lack of focus in what your trying to say. Try to rewrite this without an evolving chorus(at least for the first two Cs) and focus more on consistancy in your story.

[dallas]

Hi Jon,Beautiful song by the way!! Are you trying to say goodbye, do you really want to? Do you need help, or do you just want it to stop hurting all the time? Sounds like you need closure! I guess the question is can you say goodbye?? Your song kinda sounds like maybe you don't want to!!~Dallas~