Man in the cold! please review

[djay]

I am interested in this site and would like to see how active the forums are! Man in the cold is a song about being homeless please take the time to listen and review, it would be very much appreciated. free to download http://www.indiestore.com/howffrecords/

[jchitty]

Quote:I am interested in this site and would like to see how active the forums are! Man in the cold is a song about being homeless please take the time to listen and review, it would be very much appreciated. free to download http://www.indiestore.com/howffrecords/ Wow, djay....everytime I listen to a piece like this, I realize what kind of competition I'm up against. Your lyrics are BRILLIANT, to say the least....and your arrangement very soulful sounding....you got that grit that I was talking about on another thread....it's real stuff....not formulaic or cheeze whiz in anyway.Now, here's the problem I had with it....I know you write mainly with an Indie approach, but would there ever be a way you could target this song to regular radio formats?Because I think you have something here....your 'man in the cold' chorus is great....the only problem I have is that your song was too long for me personally, and you didn't get to the chorus fast enough...and your chorus is so good and memorable, that I think it does your song a disservice not to repeat it more often as well. If your song was a bit more compact and structured, it could go somewhere.I also really like your twist ending at the end too where the character ends up 'as the man in the cold' himself.It's your song...maybe you don't want to shorten it, but if you condensed this some, I think it would be even better...well, for us Americans and our short attentions spans anyway. You have a lot to say about the condition of homelessness too....a song like this could reach some folks and make them think...I've written songs about the homeless too.Anyway, that's my two cents....btw, cool accent.

[djay]

Thank you very much for the very positive review. I am new on here and not sure of the protocol, The song was actually written by Steph Macleod (I am his manager) I will pass on your comments to him, He is locked away in the studio working on more songs. From my point of view I can see where you are coming from as for being radio friendly, but let's face it songs like Man in the cold would not gt much commercial radio play. Now the power of the internet is a different thing. If you would like to hear more of Steph's songs there are 9 songs available athttp://www.showcaseyourmusic.com/stephmacleodPeace and happinessDjay

[vermeer]

This is a hell of a great song. Here's my little review:Pros:1 - Great song with great chosrus and great emotion.2 - Very clear subject. From the title to the end, there's no doubt what we are talking about here.3 - Unique an appropriate title.Cons:1 - Should be restructured to focus more on the chorus.2 - Chorus should happend sooner.3 - No dicernable bridge. Adding one will move the song to the next level.4 - A little more instrumentation would help the track and make it more "universal", not just "folky-indy-acoustic".Just my two cents. Vermeer

[djay]

Thanks for a great review VermeerI will take on board your comments particularly about the chorus and the bridge.thanks Djay