Hello...looking for feedback, please

[doddif]

I am fairly new to the forums, but have been watching the weekly ustreams and thought I would take advantage of being a member of taxi!
Thanks for listening!

http://www.reverbnation.com/tunepak/2440020

Dodd

[marcblack30]

Hi Dodd, welcome aboard!
I think the song itself is pretty good but the production is gonna hold it back,
seems as though this is a demo after listening to a couple of your other songs on your page.

I like the melody you have, it sticks with you which is a good thing.
The song seems a little long to me, I think the vocal could come in around the 10-15 second mark,
there's really no point in having a long intro like you have, get rid of the 5 sec of dead air in the beginning as well.
The instrumental breaks could be cut in half too.

I like the idea of the strings you have at the end but i would introduce them earlier in the song.

Just my $.02

Cheers,

Marc

[cameron]

Hi Dodd,

One of my latest songs (posted here a few weeks ago) is called "And I Thought Of You", so we're thinking alike there. Actually I didn't write the lyrics to that one.

It would be helpful if you could post the lyrics here too.

In any case, I agree with just about every thing Marc said. I really like the verses, but the instrumental breaks are too long. I guess I would have also like to hear a stronger, more defined (or perhaps lyrically meaningful) bridge. In the absence of a chorus (as is the case in an AABA song like this) the bridge really needs to be pretty strong.

To me it just sounds like it's still a bit of a work in progress, but you have a nice start.

Cam

[doddif]

Thank you for the feedback guys! I'm glad you like the basic idea and I like and appreciate your advice.

Here are the lyrics:


New York City's streets
Hid my dreams from me
No one promised they'd come true
My legs gave up on me and I began to feel that all my doubts would now have proof

Then I thought of you

Winter stilled my soul
And threatened me to show that I didn't think I'd make it through
I was dark and cold my heart had lost it's hold
Loneliness was nothing new

Then I thought of you

You're everything to me
All I want is you
You're every dream come true
You're the only one I never want to lose

New York City's streets pushed me to my knees
Above a million lights burn blue
Another season torn
From another born
Holiday loss
My living proof

Then I thought of you

All I want is you
My every dream came true
When I thought of you

-Dodd

[ottlukk]

you've got a great voice. very passionate. where i get lost is in the structure. It reminds me (please don't take offense) of 'free verse" in poetry. I kept looking for a chorus and didn't find it. It tells a story, but . . .
there's something wrong here, but I can't articulate it properly.
Ott

[Lazyknife]

Nice song! It kinda has a Jeff Buckley feel in the bridge.

I agree with marcblack30, the production good be better. And maybe the cello could enter the song earlier, some cello in the bridge maybe??

Work on the arrangement for the cello, and find a studio to record it. That would be my advice.

Thanks for posting the song!

[doddif]

Thank you everyone for taking the time! When I get a chance, I am gonna get back in the studio and re-work this. I will post an update.

Dodd