Feedback please? - "Me and You and Nothin' To Do"

[eliotpister1]

Hi everybody,

I wondered if any of you might be able to offer some feedback on this recently completed tune of mine called, "Me and You and Nothing To Do". I cowrote it with my friend (and vocalist on the track) Coby Parkinson. It's kinda targetted at a Colbie Caillat-type vibe. Think easy, breezy, summertime feel.

The comments I received back from a Taxi screener this week was...

"The song has a solid structure and it's well performed, however I feel that it could benefit from more contrast in the chorus. The change that I recommend gives it more internal tension which, in turn, results in more of a payoff in the final line. In this type of listing, the interplay in phrasing is the key."

I'd love to hear what some of you great writers can suggest to improve the song!

http://www.greengatemedia.com/downloads ... le_vox.mp3

Me and You and Nothing To Do
© 2010 by Eliot Pister / Coby Parkinson

This is our life, it’s hard to believe,
Baby it’s always up and down or somewhere in between
And it feels like I’m barely holdin’ on,
But lookin’ at you, smilin’ at me,
One thing’s clearly the same as it used to be,
The love’s still showing, and we’re still going strong

Now I ain’t asking for anything,
But a little more fun and a reason to sing,
So turn off the telephone and call in sick,
If we’re gonna do it baby this is it,

When we’re not together,
It’s like forever, but I don’t ever think of givin’ up,
Cause in that smile there’s somethin’ about you,
Well I don’t need a dime,
And I don’t wanna rush,
All I need is time,
for the three of us,
Just me and you and nothing to do

Why does it seem there’s never enough
Time in the day, when our worries go away and it’s just us,
And an afternoon of nothin’ at all,

I ain’t asking for anything,
But a little more sun and a little less rain,
Cause we got much more than cash in the bank,
Like nothing to prove, and gas in the tank,

Repeat Chorus

I remember a time,
a fork in the road,
There was the way that we went,
and the way that we didn’t go,
now I’m happy it’s true that I made it with you

Repeat Chorus

[Len911]

Eliot, everything was firing on all cylinders, the chorus was building, excellent, beautiful, then the final line, "Just me and you and nothing to do", it was very disappointing and anti-climactic. I believe if you get that line right it's a hit, I really do, oops I just noticed it was also the title,lol! Seriously the singer was great and so was the song! Nothin' to do? Maybe something like, me and you and some sex to get to?lol, of course maybe that's the whole point, with nothing to do what else do you do with two? or was it three, or is that the baby? Anyhow, that last line in the chorus is paramount to the whole song imo.

[Kolstad]

I think this is VERY good, Eliot! Melody definitely has that rhytmic style of Colbie C, and lyrics is smooth. You have that characteristic Colbie electric keyboard to play lead too, so the style is very much in the pocket. I come to think of Sheryl Crow's "Soak up the Sun" a bit..

I felt it took a little too long to get to the chorus. The lyrics isn't really what's most important in this song, it's the feelgood vibe, so it might benefit from shortening first verse, giving the chorus more of an impact, like you do from the second?

I actually think the title hook is great, and Im not sure Len is right about there is something missing in that particular spot. It makes good prosody not to be too busy right there ("Soak up the sun" does the same thing). But that's not to say you couldn't have it sizzle a little bit more with "easy, breezy, summertime vibes".. ("Soak up the sun" does that by adding a slide(think surf) guitar in the chorus, maybe thats what made that one stand out?).

The singer changed the first line in the bridge from the lyric, I noticed. It sounds better what she sings, but doesn't make as good a transistion to the second line. Singing should have first priority, but maybe you should rewrite the second line then? Not sure if it's a biggie, though..

But I guess my suggies are, shorten first verse, like the second, and add a bright instruments underneath the chorus to give it more of an "easy, breezy, heart" (not 'achy, breaky') vibe..

Anyway, 99% there, just make it shine like the sun, and folks will get the lotion!

[mojobone]

There ain't a damn thing wrong with that. The only thing I'd change, song-wise, is the line, "...for the three of us,"; it doesn't make sense, because "Nothin' To Do" isn't a person- make it "two", please. (I think that may be what confused the reviewer-sometimes you reach, when you can't figure out what's bothering you about a song, and have to come up with a reason, heh)

I'd like to hear a little more depth and air in the recording; a short plate on the lead vocal, a smidge of ambience on the drums, maybe a rhythmic delay on the handclaps-matters of taste, all. Was this mixed 'in the box'? The mix is tight, and beautifully done, but lacking just a hint of the bigness and smoothness I hear from the big studios; might be worth pumping the tracks through a quality console at a larger facility or trying an analog summing dealie. Great, great song; I'd bet a 'no vocal' version could get some traction, too.

[eliotpister1]

Thanks alot, guys. I agree with pretty much all of what you're saying...

The "three of us" lyric, I thought gave it a nice twist by giving Nothing To Do a bit of a personna. But yeah, maybe it's a bit too off-the-wall. I'll give that some thought.

The chorus needs a bit of an instrumental lift - a new instrument makes an appearance, or a countermelody or something. I totally agree with that piece of advice.

Mojobone, I know what you mean about the mix needing a little more width and space. I was trying to keep everything super-dry; thinking it would feel more intimate, but on second listen, it lacks some depth and warmth because of that.

Len, I think I"ll sorta take your advice about the length of the second verse... Though instead of shortening it, I'll try to add something interesting in the second half of it so I can keep the listener's attention!

Cheers, and thanks a ton you guys!

Eliot.

[eeoo]

Very catchy Elliott! I kinda like the three of us line, thought it was quirky and fit the mood. I have no problem with just me and you and nothing to do, I think that's a keeper. How about modulating the last chorus up 1/2 step, when it comes out of the bridge? That's where my ear went. Good luck! eo.