Full time job. Composing music like a full time job and kids

[orest]

Thank you all for your thoughts! It's been an interesting reading, and you are welcome to continue as well if you want to add something. This is very important to me to sort out in my life. I'm really struggling with this.

I'm not alone in this, and my fiancee can't imagine a life without kids.
So, as I mentioned above, I'm really struggling with it and I'm not
sure what I want at the moment, kids or not kids.

They say you have to put in about 10 years to be able to live on your music if you work a day job.
But, you have to spend a lot of time in the studio in your free time to reach that goal.
I REALLY want to be able to live on my own music.

[deankripp]

Orest,

I feel your pain.... You see, I have been on both sides of the equation. I've lived with and raised three children - and now all of my three children have grown up and are gone. I must confess that it is much easier to be a writer/producer without my children in the house (and all of the time consuming responsibilities that I had with each of them) than it was when they were still living "in" my house. But I did find a way, when they were still here, to be at least a part time song-writer and producer.

Back then I spent 15 to 20 hours per week composing, now I spend 40 to 50 hrs. per week doing it. Also, when I was raising them I always had multiple music-type jobs that ate up much of my "composing" time (Playing in clubs, recording jingles, recording other peoples music, worship leader at a church.. etc...)

In my opinion it is totally doable to have kids, be married, work a job and still write and produce music 20 hrs per week. Totally doable - but not easy I needed to be fully intentional and disciplined in a lot of areas. I had to "give up" a lot of other things and add some others (mostly, I just had to turn off the TV - and then I had to get disciplined about my diet and physical exercise so that I maintained good health and enough energy to accomplish all that I wanted to accomplish)

You are asking great questions and the fact that you are wrestling with them speaks highly of your integrity and character. You would be a great father.

I agree with most of the insights that so many have already posted here. I would add two things that may seem in opposition of one another - yet I believe them to be true (at least in my life). First, I am (and was) going to pursue music no matter what. It is my passion, my hobby, my joy, my disease. Even If I had to work a "real" job 80 hrs. every week, I would still be writing songs in my head. Having read many of your posts over the last couple of years, I imagine you are wired in the same way.

Secondly (and maybe paradoxically), when I am taking my last and final breaths at the end of my life, I am not going to ask or care one iota about any of the music that I have written - all I will care about is that my wife and my children are there, holding my hands and with tears in their eyes telling me how much they love me.... I will look at them with my heart full - full and spilling over with love - and I will take great comfort in the fact that I gave them some much of my life - my love - my time.

Some people will never have children - that's ok - having children or not having children, there is no wrong or right - it's a hard gig, raising children and I think that some people are wired in such a way that it is better for them to pursue and put their efforts into things other than parenthood. But I do believe that weather you are a parent or not, the true "richness" that one gets from life does not come from the gold records on your wall or the grammy awards on your shelf (cool as they may be) - the true richness of life comes from your relationships - with your children, or you spouse/partner, or your friends, or our relationship(s) to the many in the world that we don't know but whom our decisions effect..

From the sound of your comments Orest, I would guess that you will, indeed, be a parent. Then question is "when?" And I agree that it does take 5 to 10 years (doing music part time) to reach "full time" wages... and, the journey can be as frustrating as it can exhilarating.... My only advice would be "don't beat yourself up about it."

Remember... you can have all you want - you just can't have it all, all of the time


dean

[hazineju]

this is a good thread, one that i'm sure at least more than a few of us relate to. i'd say you don't need to worry just yet. you are still pretty young. assuming your fiancee isn't 10 or 15 years older than you, you two have time. i'd wait a couple years to start a family. you're on a roll with your music, who knows what may happen in the next couple years? you may very well end up being in a place where it all works out beautifully - full time composing plus kids. but regardless i do believe, as deankripp said, it's "totally doable" to do it all. the important thing is to be in a mental and emotional place where you are ready to devote as much of your love and your time to new beings as to your music. i'm saying this from a personal perspective- this is the exact reason my hubs and i have been waiting. but we do plan to take that step and i know that i will find a way to make it work...and will probably be revisiting this thread at that time to re-read some of the great advice and encouragement here

[crs7string]

When you don't have children, it's hard to picture a life with them.

After you have children, it's hard to picture life without them.

It's a priviledge to be the father of my daughter Zoe.

From a musical standpoint, I probably would have never heard Lady Gaga, The Black Keys, Regina Spector etc. etc. if I didn't have a )now) teenage daughter.

And, she may have never heard The Beatles, The Rascals, Steely Dan, Tony Bennett, Wes Montgomery, Joe Pass etc. etc. if I wasn't her dad.

Chuck

[fusilierb]

When you don't have children, it's hard to picture a life with them.

After you have children, it's hard to picture life without them.

It's a priviledge to be the father of my daughter Zoe.

From a musical standpoint, I probably would have never heard Lady Gaga, The Black Keys, Regina Spector etc. etc. if I didn't have a )now) teenage daughter.

And, she may have never heard The Beatles, The Rascals, Steely Dan, Tony Bennett, Wes Montgomery, Joe Pass etc. etc. if I wasn't her dad.

Chuck

Aww Chuck, that was really sweet. I really liked that answer.
B

[eeoo]

Hey Orest - I'm in a similar situation, on the fence about it. One thing I do believe, Mother Earth would be much healthier and happier if humans would stop breeding so prolifically...eo.

[cmk]

I'm a composer and a full time music teacher. My husband is an artist and an art teacher. We have two boys ages 2 and 4. It's true, you do make sacrifices when you have kids. But I do not believe you will sacrifice your music at all, you might just get less sleep (it's 12:56 a.m. and I'm taking a little break right now). We don't have a lot of money, but we do have a lot of love. We can't keep my 4 year old off the piano. He thinks practicing is normal. He also writes music and asks if he can record very frequently – how cool is that? My two year old thinks drawing in his knight costume with his rain boots on is normal, and does it every day. You will give your children the gifts of love and music. The planned time-line may be altered, but does it ever work out exactly as planned anyway? Don't worry, look into your heart.

[orest]

Thanks again!
I'm soaking it all in!

I'm praying to God everyday as well for guidance and for him to open my eyes for clarification.
For the moment it can go both ways. Kids or no kids.

[stephen]

Man this requires some wisdom and priority. I have a full time job as a vocalist. I am still at school and also do my own personal gigs and some catering on the side from time to time.

As Suz said you may need to decide what you can do and when. I have children as well. I drop them off to school and pick them up from school get them ready on mornings. then I'm off to school after them. It's a full plate but I have had to cut back on some of the things I want to do and do what is necessary.

I still find time to write and compose and gig. They are now five and thus things are lightening up a bit as they become more interdependent.

BTW Hi Suz

[jlizerbram]

Hey Orest,

There is no question about it - having kids is a huge responsibility and will cut into making music time. Music was predominantly my lifestyle as well, and I don't mean to turn you off about having kids, but having kids changed that lifestyle dramatically. I have two kids, now 7 and 10, and it's still a time-management challenge between my music time and time with kids. I opt for time with my kids during the waking hours, no question about it; they are my and my wife's priority! There is also "time-sharing" that needs to happen - my wife also had her major lifestyle interests prior to kids, and she still needs time with her interests. I get to go to the Road Rally each year, and she gets to go on her trips another time of the year.

Quite often, I encounter musicians without kids who have made extraordinary strides with their music, and I get so jealous! I always think (well no wonder..... you have NO KIDS!!). But in the past 10 years, I have had some spurts of success, and will keep going, but at a slower pace than my kid-less friends!

The greatest thing now is that, both my kids are playing piano and are quite good at it, and are starting to write their own music - that time in the studio is increasing now that I have some collaborators!

Not sure how young you are, but my wife and I waited 5 years before making that plunge - so unless there's a biological rush, there's still time to discuss your future parenthood plans! Good luck with everything.

-Jeff