When This Love Song Ends - Country - Comments Appreciated

[waltl]

Contemporary country in 3/4 time. I was trying for something similar to George Strait's "It Was Me."

Here is a rough worktape:

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default ... D=10272244

When This Love Song Ends
(c) 2008 Walt Lamberg and Alan Lamberg

Verse 1
The night we met each other
I was sure it was just a dream.
And I found myself falling,
While a voice said,” Nothing’s what it seems.”
We talked and laughed so easily,
As though we had always been good friends.
But that voice kept insisting,
“Let’s see what happens when
This love song ends.”

Chorus
And the DJ played the old ones,
Like “I Can’t Help Falling In Love.”
There was a teasing smile on your lips.
You said, “That will be our song.”
And I didn’t know what to say to you,
Didn’t want the words to come out wrong.
So I just held you closer
‘Til I couldn’t hold you any closer,
And I didn’t need to ask again,
“What’s going to happen when
This love song ends.”

Verse 2
It got late, we checked our watches,
But neither of us wanted to go.
And the DJ seemed to know this,
Cause every song he played was real, real slow.
We danced, hardly spoke at all,
As though we could read each other’s minds.
I know we both were thinking,
“Let’s see what happens when
This love song ends.”

Chorus Repeat

Instrumental

Tag
No, I’ll never have to ask again,
“What’s going to happen when
This love song ends?”

[nick.moxsom]

Nice country waltz, Walt.

Sounds to me like it's crying out for some pedal steel guitar. Personally I think the lines "And I didn’t know what to say to you, Didn’t want the words to come out wrong" re a bit too wordy, but I'm sure there's a way around that, if you're so inclined.

Apart from that I think it's a definite go-er and I look forward to hearing how it develops.

Nick

[feaker66]

Nice one Walt.

I never read lyrics except yours:)

They are always so thought provoking.

If you don't mind, send me a link to some of your finished products.

Sincerely

Paul

[FMstereo]

Hi Walt

That's a really nice lyric - I love the unexpected twist.

Cheers

[waltl]

Frances-Mary,

Thank you for your comments.

I made some comments on your two songs in Lyrics Lovers. I have song in Lyrics Lovers - "Did He Have to Leave Like That?"

I you have a chance, I'd appreciate your comments.

Walt

[waltl]

Nick,

Thanks for you comments. I see your point about two lines being a little wordy. I could delete two words without causing a problem.

"And I didn’t know what to say [to you], Didn’t want the words to come out wrong."

Walt

[nick.moxsom]

Walt, maybe you could sing it like this:

And
1) I just didn't
2) Know what to
3) Say.... lest the
4) Words came out
5) Wrong

So the first beats of the bars are "I" (1st bar), "know" (2nd bar), "say" (3rd bar), "words" (4th bar), "wrong" (5th bar). Make any sense?

Just a thought. Hope it helps.

Nick

[jolitab]

I think if you change the melody a little bit, it might sound not so wordy on that spot.

[jolitab]

I think if you change the melody a little bit, it might sound not so wordy on that spot.

[greatmoves]

Hey Waltl, you could also try a What I call Rhythmic Rhymes with same endings. Although, I admit, I have not heard the music yet.

Didn't know what to say to you
Didn't want the/my words to come out, wrong to you

-- or --

Didn't know what to say to you
What if my words come out, wrong to you

BB

Nick,

Thanks for you comments. I see your point about two lines being a little wordy. I could delete two words without causing a problem.

"And I didn’t know what to say [to you], Didn’t want the words to come out wrong."

Walt