What is this? Critiques needed.

[stephencollins]

Thanks for listening. After the RR, I decided to try getting out of my comfort zone. Here is one of the things that emerged. What is it? Seriously.
http://www.reverbnation.com/play_now/song_11194316

[nick.moxsom]

Erm, it's, erm...

Well, I like the rhythm track, which to me speaks movie score – some sort of sedate street chase, perhaps, with steady cam long distance glimpses of the mark disappearing into the subway. But if that's the case, the keyboard lines don't work for me – they're too pretty and melodic. And, to be honest, the loose timing is distracting.

I'm a big fan of the two-tempos thing you've got going on here, and if this were mine, I'd progress it with an Italian slick-suited espionage-type thing in mind. Having said which, if you lost the lead keyboard lines it would have wider appeal, I think.

My two bob's-worth. Enjoyed the listen – maybe you can post it again when it's progressed.

Nick

[MikeJRiso]

I listened to the track before reading the replies.

When I was listening I was seeing a "Jack Bower / 24 thing" going on. (That was one of my favorite shows)
But I do agree with the other poster that the keyboard line in the middle throws me off a bit. Other than that, it was cool.

[stephencollins]

Nick and Mike ... thanks for listening and your comments. I appreciate the feedback. I am not a player, Nick, so timing is always an issue, and I get bored trying 10 times to get it right. I was basically asking if this was worth working on some more. I'm going to try it with your comments. Thanks, again.
Steve