Unspoken lies (1st draft)

[djoko]

And I don’t know where to start
When you left me with a broken heart
You and me wasn’t so bad
Now burning beautifully in this hate
And I don’t know where it all went wrong
Oh I wish I cud move on
But you sit here in this broken glass
Intense horror ever last

Chorus
Unspoken lies
You whisper in my ears
And its written in your eyes
Clearly, what I feared.

Faces smiling on my walls
Scaling down what’s already small
And I can’t really complain
Over and over again
Coz I need to know where I was wrong
And then I cud hav a move on
Sitting in your broken glass
Blood, roses, its such a sight

Chorus
Unspoken lies
You whisper in my ears
And its written in your eyes
Clearly, what I feared.

[djoko]

its lacking sum things .. the chorus part is not coming natural for me, there should be a pre or something..

had the chorus done first and then the verses and am new to this.

hit me up with your views on it.

wud luv that seriously.

Regards

[Jarrean]

I'd keep working on it to tighten up the imagery and flow (there's an abrupt flow with the use of "hate"). I did like the line "Faces smiling on my walls; Scaling back what's already small."

I'm guessing that an altercation took place by the last line? For me, it's not totally clear what's going on and how exactly the chorus ties into the verses.