Ring true for female vocal?

[nylyrics]

Hi fellow songwriters:


I have nice melodic line for this but being a guy - I wonder if these words dont ring true
anywhere for a female vocal. This would be in the style of a younger kelly clarkson or even Adele style pop ballad- midtempo.
My gut tells me this is what a female would be thinking........but would a pro singer sing these words?

I’m All In
© 2012 Music and Lyrics Andy Mackay

You handed me the sun
You make me feel safe
You make me feel loved
It’s like you opened a secret box
Sweet places inside me
I’ve always kept locked away
But I can’t feel this way
No, Not if you don’t feel it too
Not If you’re afraid
You’ve got to be the one I trust
Its you and me or there’s no us

Chorus

Cause, I’m all in
don’t you doubt me
I want you to see and know
Everything about me
Im all in
Heart and soul
If you can live without me
Then I need to let you go
Cause Im all in, all in

Verse 2:

Tell me you feel the heat
Say when I leave
It gets hard to breathe
And you’re dying to open up
When we get real close
You’re still not close enough to me
that’s what I need
Tell me that you feel it too
Tell me your unafraid
You’ve got to be the one I trust
Its you and me or there’s no us

Cause, I’m all in
don’t you doubt me
I want you to see and know
Everything about me
Im all in
Heart and soul
If you can live without me
Then I need to let you go
Cause Im all in,

Bridge:
In the middle of a wish
Lost in a dream when we kiss
(rest under construction)

Final Chorus

[CrimsnSyrn]

I say yes!

-Great lyrics, BTW!

Best,

Juliet

[nylyrics]

Juliet:

Thanks for the read and kind note. I really appreciate your opinion and time.

Andy

[mikeShort]

Two comments. First, you may have enough of a bridge there. Don't go crazy try to flesh it out. I "hear" the two lines, then the music winding down, and a last chorus starting quiet and building to a big finish. SO you may not need more in the bridge.

Second, I like the song for a female, except for the hook. It's a poker expression, and I know some young women play poker, but not many. But if Juliet thinks that's okay, who am I to argue?

[CrimsnSyrn]

It didn't even dawn on me that it was a poker expression, but ah, yes it is! I don't play poker, but I've seen enough movies where the line is used, that I immediately got the inference, so my knowledge of the expression comes from exposure to movies.

Juliet

[nylyrics]

Thanks Mike. Yes, it is a poker expression for sure, i think poker may have borrowed it from the language in general, so it kind of lives in poker for those who know that and stands on its own in the way juliet perceived it. That's what i was hoping for and left out and other refs to card games etc on purpose.

I was kind of wondering if a female singer would think the words present too much of an ultimatum? You know someone might think all this but would they scare the other away and actually say it? Or maybe and hopefully this type of saying what you really want to say is ok in a song?

Thanks.

Andy

[hummingbird]

I like the lyrics. A girl wanting a guy to be more "in" the relationship is a real feeling. I did wonder about the hook as well... not because it's a poker expression - Urban dictionary says this phrase means "to be totally committed to something", IMO it's a fresh way to say something universal.... but because of singability. AHHHmm AHHHHll ehNN - the "ehNN" of In is a bit of a tone stopper - probably harder to hold with clarity on a long note, but if the melodic hook is well crafted it should be ok

[CrimsnSyrn]

I was kind of wondering if a female singer would think the words present too much of an ultimatum? You know someone might think all this but would they scare the other away and actually say it? Or maybe and hopefully this type of saying what you really want to say is ok in a song?

In reality, yes, not many would say that, for fear of frightening someone off, but that's exactly why we love love songs with great lyrics (and the same could be said for certain dialogue in movies) - they dare to speak for us what we're too scared to say ourselves, they speak our unspoken thoughts - everything from the simple "I Need You" (how many people admit that, or would actually say it) to "now you're just Somebody That I Use to Know" (Gotye), "nevermind, I'll find Someone Like You" (Adele), the list is endless...!

Juliet

[nylyrics]

Hi Folks,

Thank you for the support on this lyric concept "im all in" and validating it as worthy of working with it. I thought
for those who read it - it might be interesting for you to hear the melody i wrote with it and the piano
vocal. I just posted it in the peer to peer. (i did not know if this type of thing is appropriate in the Lyric forum - but
i always kind of wonder how a melody goes for a lyric myself sooooo.....)

Keep the faith, your head down and follow thru - oh wait that's golf....

Andy