Come to Me (singer/songwriter)

[Lazyknife]

"your resolve is paper thin" is indeed a cool phrase!

I too would suggest a chord change on the refrain, because I think it underlines the lyrics. You're taken somewhere else (Come to me) a chord change sonically underlines that. Maybe a Dsus2-chord would be cool, but of course there're more, like a G . Something major.

Answer the questions the title asks. (shortcut 44, Shortcuts to hit songwriting).
Why should we come to you?
where are we now? (you've answered that one )
how should we come? (take the subway..)

Maybe not all these questions are spot on...

I think if you rewrite line 2 and 3 of the bridge and elaborate on "why come to me?" like you do in the last lines, it'll make the song stronger.

Good luck!
Martijn

[RonKujawa]

Mike and Martin, Thanks for those suggestions. I rewrote the bridge and I tried going to a G (capo relative) in the refrain. Not sure if I love that, but definitely worth trying. Would love to hear if this new bridge is working for you all.

Ron

http://snd.sc/QiBjgE

New lyrics Nov 21, 2012

V1
When your thoughts are getting heavy
And you feel like giving in
When your faith is worn and fading
And your resolve is paper thin
Come to Me

V2
When your body is cold and tired
And you're not strong enough to fight
When everything unravels
And you can't find a place to hide
Come to Me
Come to Me

Bridge
Get UP and make your way to ME
I'll be the ROCK that you can STAND on
Never aGAIN will you be alone
Together we can WEAther any storm
We'll RIDE it out UnTIL the last black
CLOUD above us BLOWs away

V3
When your heart is all but empty
And there's nothing left inside
When you need someone to hold you
You'll be safe with me tonight
Come to Me

[roberthamilton]

Hey Bud,

Dig it. I definitely like the chord change. I listened to it the other day and agreed with the comments about the change. I just didn't chime in... I knew you would see the light.

It doesn't matter if you love it or not... you're only the songwriter.

Peace.

[RonKujawa]

Thanks, Robert! LOL

[Robtoons]

Yeah, that's better!
I like the new bridge too.
Cheers -Rob

[playagibson]

Hey Ron,

It's a great tune.
Melodically, it's all there.
How you arrange it will make all the difference.
You could start off sparse and build it up to a climax.
More sustaining chords in the beginning and let it build.
Careful with the geetar. I hear a lot of buzz which could be just the high compression setting.


Rich.

ps; I just noticed you posted a newer version, my bad.
I'm gonna have a listen.

[thesongriders]

Really like the improvements Ron, great job!

[RonKujawa]

Thanks for the listen, Rich. Yes, there is some bad buzzing. The recordings thus far are really just work tapes to figure out lyrics, phrasing, key. I keep moving the capo around looking for the right key. I appreciate your ear.

Mike W - Thank you very much.

I'm going to change the first line of the bridge back to "Come to Me". I like the phrasing better. Time to start putting this together as a full song. The arrangement will include a train drum beat and an E-bow electric guitar part.

Ron

[Lazyknife]

The changes you made really work. I like the chord change you did and the bridge is better this way although I think the change you're about to make (come to me as the first line again) will be cool.

[RonKujawa]

Thank you all for your help on this song. I have started full production after another rewrite to the bridge. Your input is appreciated.

Ron

----------------

http://soundcloud.com/ronkujawa/come-to ... n-progress

V1
When your thoughts are getting heavy
And you feel like giving in
When your faith is worn and fading
And your resolve is paper thin
Come to Me

V2
When your body is cold and tired
And you're not strong enough to fight
When everything unravels
And you can't find a place to hide
Come to Me

Bridge
Come to Me
I'll be the rock that you can stand on
Never again will you be alone
We can weather any storm
We'll ride it out until the last black
Cloud above us blows away

V3
When your heart is all but empty
And there's nothing left inside
When you need someone to hold you
You'll be safe with me tonight
Come to Me