I'm Holding On (1st lyric posted here, could use input)

[LooknGlass]

I struggled with this storyline. You critique and comments would be welcome.


I remember holding her tiny hand
as she gripped my finger tight.
Cooing as I cooed back at her
and tucking her in at night

I can still recall her baby scent
as she nuzzled in my neck;
the pulling on my mustache
as I was giving her a peck

And as I watched her leave the house
I felt a tinge of fear
It won't be long till she is gone
and I won't have her here

I'm holding on__ with all my might
I'm holding on__ and holding tight
I'm holding on__ with all my soul__----
I don't want to ever let her go

As I stared out our picture window
A memory came back to me;
the day she fell and yanked the curtains off
bringing down the Christmas tree

I remember hearing her giggle
as she fumbled with the drape
and we laughed until we almost cried
as we helped our girl escape

And the more that I remember
The more solemn I become
Her childhood's gone and she's moving on
and about to wed someone

I'm holding on__ with all my might
I'm holding on__ and holding tight
I'm holding on__ with all my soul__----
I don't want to ever let her go

She looked at me in her wedding dress
and said daddy it will be ok
Just because I'm leaving home
doesn't mean I'm going away

and she whispered...

I'm holding on__ with all my might
I'm holding on__ and holding tight
I'm holding on__ with all my soul___----
I may leave but I'll never let you go


© L. James Tanner

[LooknGlass]

Somehow I posted this lyric twice in this forum. My apologies. I must have been tired.

[simonsays]

Hi LooknGlass,
I have some free time, so I'll give this a go. (That, and 'Looking Glass Studios' created my favorite pc game Thief(gold) ... which I just happened to be Googling on GOG.com immediately before seeing this post.Talk about coincidence!) I only have a couple comments, as nothing stood out to me in a negative way. Nice job!
Steve

I struggled with this storyline. You critique and comments would be welcome.

["I'm Holding On" I think is a good title for this. (Short and to the point. )]

I remember holding her tiny hand
as she gripped my finger tight.
Cooing as I cooed back at her
and tucking her in at night

I can still recall her baby (scent) [What do babies smell like? Baby powder? A baby's (breath) against his neck is what I pictured, with her nuzzled against his neck. (Breathing as a plus ... conveys auditory, haptic, thermal, and olfactory information simultaneously.) Yes, (breath) is a near rhyme with (neck) ... as is (scent) ... but you seemed ok with that here. (Just a thought/possibility anyway)]
as she nuzzled (in) my neck; [(against?)]
the pulling on my mustache
as I was giving her a peck

And as I watched her leave the house
I felt a tinge of fear
It won't be long till she is gone
and I won't have her here

I'm holding on__ with all my might
I'm holding on__ and holding tight
I'm holding on__ with all my soul__----
I don't want to ever let her go

As I stared out our picture window
A memory came back to me;
the day she fell and yanked the curtains off
bringing down the Christmas tree

I remember hearing her giggle
as she fumbled with the drape
and we laughed until we almost cried
as we helped our girl escape

And the more that I remember
The more solemn I become
Her childhood's gone and she's moving on
and about to wed someone

I'm holding on__ with all my might
I'm holding on__ and holding tight
I'm holding on__ with all my soul__----
I don't want to ever let her go

She looked at me in her wedding dress
and said daddy it will be ok
Just because I'm leaving home
doesn't mean I'm going away

and she whispered...

I'm holding on__ with all my might
I'm holding on__ and holding tight
I'm holding on__ with all my soul___----
I may leave but I'll never let you go


© L. James Tanner

[LooknGlass]

Well I'm glad it worked out that you could critique my lyrics simonsays. I've been going by LooknGlass for over 15 years, maybe more, and now I see that name all over the place myself. I just joined this forum and have found it hard to get some feedback. I appreciate you taking the time to post. I mentioned the baby scent because as a father who raised 3 boys (This song was wrote pretending I had a girl) they seemed to all have the same scent as newborns as well as many other babes I have held. It triggers a calm sense of innocence whenever I smell it, so it just came out that way in the song. But I do see your take on it and will mull it over. I guess I was reaching into a personal experience when reflecting that thought. It is always a pleasure to hear from others about what they see or think when reading my lyrics, I thank you again for your input.

[simonsays]

Hi LooknGlass,
I'm glad you posted it. It was a nice read. I would love to hear it when it's finished.
Yeah, feedback can be slow around holiday time. Please don't take it personal.
I believe scientists say that scent is the strongest cue for memory, so I can see where that would come from in your creative process.
I've got all my holiday shopping done ... thank God! So if you, or anybody else for that matter, have any songs you need some quick feedback on ... I'm available.
Steve

Well I'm glad it worked out that you could critique my lyrics simonsays. I've been going by LooknGlass for over 15 years, maybe more, and now I see that name all over the place myself. I just joined this forum and have found it hard to get some feedback. I appreciate you taking the time to post. I mentioned the baby scent because as a father who raised 3 boys (This song was wrote pretending I had a girl) they seemed to all have the same scent as newborns as well as many other babes I have held. It triggers a calm sense of innocence whenever I smell it, so it just came out that way in the song. But I do see your take on it and will mull it over. I guess I was reaching into a personal experience when reflecting that thought. It is always a pleasure to hear from others about what they see or think when reading my lyrics, I thank you again for your input.

[LooknGlass]

Hi LooknGlass,
I'm glad you posted it. It was a nice read. I would love to hear it when it's finished.
Yeah, feedback can be slow around holiday time. Please don't take it personal.
I believe scientists say that scent is the strongest cue for memory, so I can see where that would come from in your creative process.
I've got all my holiday shopping done ... thank God! So if you, or anybody else for that matter, have any songs you need some quick feedback on ... I'm available.
Steve

Yea, I guess I've heard that too, now that you mention it. Christmas is going to be skimpy this year for me, I have 11 grandchildren. lol. Their gettn board games to share between age groups in the household with eight kids, and the others I still have to get. I have a tune in mind for this and I am in the process of finding a musician who's input could help me with the final product. Definitely countryesque...Oh, and have a Merry Christmas simonsays.