Lyric question for the grammatically inclined

[NathanNasby]

Hey lyric lovers!

I'm currently working on a singer/songwriter/folk song specifically for an op. I'm just working on vocals but one line that I'm recording has me going back and forth with the wording. Here's the line

When I look back, when I look back,
I see a field of dreams that burns.
Am I the man who finally bends,
Or the fool that never learns?

Question is for the last line. Should it be "Or the fool "WHO" never learns" ? Either way I sing it, it sounds better the other way haha. Just need a few opinions. Is there a grammar rule here that applies, or is it preference? Let me know what you think.

Thanks!

[SaraL]

I would go with "who".

Very nice stanza. Looking forward to reading/hearing the whole song.

Sara

[cardell]

IMHO, I would go for "that". I think it will sing/sound better.

Stuart

[SaraL]

Looks like you have conflicting answers Nathan. Sorry about that. The quick and dirty rule about who vs. that is that you use "who" when you are talking about a person and "that" when you are talking about an object. Since you're talking about yourself or "the fool" (both of which are persons), I think "who" is the right answer.

My husband will testify, however, that I am a little nuts when it comes to grammar, even in song lyrics.

Sara

[NathanNasby]

haha. Thanks guys! It's interesting. When I say the line it feels right to say "Who". But when I sing the line it just sounds better with that. I guess I'll ponder a bit, but I'm leaning to the creative license end and going with what feels right when I sing it.

I really appreciate the feedback. I totally agree with both of you .... .haha is that possible !

[Len911]

Who or whom?
Was 'the' in the second line a typo?
Because it's a lyric, imo, the prosody takes precedence over the grammar. So I would choose 'who' over 'whom' in this case.

[Casey H]

Hey lyric lovers!

I'm currently working on a singer/songwriter/folk song specifically for an op. I'm just working on vocals but one line that I'm recording has me going back and forth with the wording. Here's the line

When I look back, when I look back,
I see a field of dreams the burns.
Am I the man who finally bends,
Or the fool that never learns?

Question is for the last line. Should it be "Or the fool "WHO" never learns" ? Either way I sing it, it sounds better the other way haha. Just need a few opinions. Is there a grammar rule here that applies, or is it preference? Let me know what you think.

Thanks!

I used to worry about being grammatically correct in lyrics all the time but I've come to learn that it's OK to be off grammar if the grammatical error represents how people tend to speak in normal conversation. Here, I think "that" sings better because of the hard consonants.... Better sounds for singing.

More important to me when I read the above 4 lines, the line "I see a field of dreams the burns" makes no sense. Is that a typo? What are you trying to say?

Best,
Casey

[NathanNasby]

Ah, yes I fixed it thanks. Yes, it was supposed to read "That"!

Thanks for all the good thoughts. Going to try to get this wrapped up today. I'll post the song a bit later and you can all find out what I went with !

[simonsays]

Hey lyric lovers!

I'm currently working on a singer/songwriter/folk song specifically for an op. I'm just working on vocals but one line that I'm recording has me going back and forth with the wording. Here's the line

When I look back, when I look back,
I see a field of dreams the burns.
(Am I) the man who finally bends, [This seems like it should be future tense to me. (ie, Will I be)]
Or the fool that never learns?

Question is for the last line. Should it be "Or the fool "WHO" never learns" ? Either way I sing it, it sounds better the other way haha. Just need a few opinions. Is there a grammar rule here that applies, or is it preference? Let me know what you think.

Thanks!

I used to worry about being grammatically correct in lyrics all the time but I've come to learn that it's OK to be off grammar if the grammatical error represents how people tend to speak in normal conversation. Here, I think "that" sings better because of the hard consonants.... Better sounds for singing.

More important to me when I read the above 4 lines, the line "I see a field of dreams the burns" makes no sense. Is that a typo? What are you trying to say?

Casey, I believe he's saying that his dreams are burning behind him, and he must choose between the reality of the situation (ie, going down with his foolish dreams) or living to see another dream's day.

As to Nathan's original question ... normally I think I'd go with the assonance and choose (who). But in this case I like (that) better. Due probably to the hard 'A' sound in back (repeated twice for emphasis), and that and man.







Best,
Casey

[NathanNasby]

Thanks again everyone. So what a turd I am. Talk about going back and forth on a lyric. I ended up singing the line with who in it.... Okay to be totally honest my wife told me that she didn't like "that" and suggested I sing "who".

Right on the money Casey. Yes, the chorus is as you interpreted. It's the age old relationship conflict between a dreamer who is satisfied with a meager existence, while chasing his dream and a partner who concerned with the practicalities of life. The dreams has empty pockets and a full heart of dreams, the realist has an empty suit case and loads of ambition to fill it up. These roads sometimes converge drawing the very opposites together in passion, but as quickly as they converge they separate in opposite directions. This is a rather melancholy song, but seems suited for the op that I got the idea from. So, now that the line with "Who" or "That" is out of the way, how about your thoughts on the entire piece? I got the email about op #U130204SS 3 days ago. It was one of those times where the whole song and melody lands like a lead weight. Here's a link to the recording. I need to do some more mastering and leveling, but not much more time to fiddle with the 4th being the deadline. Please share your suggestions and thoughts! https://soundcloud.com/mrdjchameleon/field-of-dreams

"DOWN-to-MIDTEMPO SINGER/SONGWRITER SONGS with MALE or FEMALE VOCALS are URGENTLY needed by the PRODUCER of a FEATURE FILM. They're looking for stripped-down songs with a BITTERSWEET vibe and a bit of a Southern sound a la:

"Sugar Mountain" by Neil Young http://bit.ly/12agFnc

The song will be played during the END of the film as well as during the END CREDITS. Having been through an ordeal that has ended dramatically, the lead character is staring out the car window as the song plays. The character is reflective and wistful with a tinge of sadness. Songs should have a SOFT, SWEET and SINCERE vocal performance. Instruments must sound ORGANIC and AUTHENTIC. "


Verse 1

Moving on is never easy
But you finally had to try
Down the road and chilly breeze is a blowing
And the wind wipes the tears from my eyes

All I had was empty pockets
You had an empty suitcase by the side of the road
You traveled trying to find a life you thought was better
I was traveling just to find where it would go

Chorus

When I look back, when I look back
I see a field of dreams that burns
Am I the man who finally bends
Of the fool who never learns

Verse 2

You know when you're starting out with nothing
There's no need for a disguise
The more you gain in life the more you have to lose
I guess that's why I never tried

Looking back you need a mirror
Mine got broke 7 long years ago
Is it my time to see a change for the better
I'm not sure I'll ever know

Chorus