Vampire Winter

[simonsays]

This is still very early in the brainstorming stage. It's based on a favorite vampire book of mine "Vampire Winter" by Author L. Tilton.

Song: Vampire Winter
copyright Steve Simon 2013

(1st Verse)
1 I feel the faint heat that recently raged
2 from the firestorm of doom
3 is this the ending of an age, I wonder
4 from the safety of my (once) stone (cold) tomb
5 I foresee a forever night is coming
6 and that accursed sun will become a bloody moon

(Chorus)
1 A Vampire Winter is here
2 the un-dead's favorite fog of war
3 I hear the sirens call my all clear
4 vampires know -- what an Armageddon's for
5 death stalks silently behind the storm
6 for a vampire -- a Vampire Winter is blood warm

(2nd Verse)
1 the cattle are all cowed now
2 hiding behind their fortresses of death
3 I find the blood of many's pure poison to me
4 and this damned predator must protect
5 the cockroaches regain their faces
6 again humanity infects

(Repeat Chorus)

(Bridge? Outro?)
1 feelings that I thought long lost -- dead
2 one game of chess resurrects
3 once again -- I must wear a human mask
4 but just how long can that last?

[BurtHK]

Hey Simon some very strong imagery

Definitely in the conceptual/thrash metal end of the neighbour hood - also could work as pre-roll for a video game called 'Vampire Winter' (getting a bit of Games of Thrones here)

While you create vivid images the song works more like a documentary film then a Vs narrative/Ch metaphor form of mainstream music. In cinema you would call it an establishing shot - communicating the location and the context of the 'action'. The problem is there is no action just description - The Ch hints "siren's call" that the singer is a vampire??

A more metaphoric approach might be from the Vampire's POV waiting for the The Winter - the building hunger desire for blood = the desire we might all feel for something? The character seems conflicted at the end and it is a bit confusing - There is an excellent metaphor lurking in 'Vampire Winter' and once you find it then apply your great skills for creating vivid images to work - but at the moment it is just elegant description of an apocalyptic event, that I can admire but I can not relate to?

Perhaps I am your market - but even if your target audiences loves this type of content, they will soon grow weary of 'scene setting' and want action.

HTH
Burt

[simonsays]

Hey Simon some very strong imagery
Thank you Burt. That's what I was going for. And please call me Steve, or by my tag Simonsays. It sounds strange being called by my last name.

Definitely in the conceptual/thrash metal end of the neighbour hood - also could work as pre-roll for a video game called 'Vampire Winter' (getting a bit of Games of Thrones here)
Yeah, I was picturing some form of heavy metal music for this. I'm an old school pc game player myself. The SERIOUS SAM series are my favorite FPS's, and the THIEF series my fave first person sneakers! This song I think fits more into that second category. (Suspense/internal conflict.)

While you create vivid images the song works more like a documentary film then a Vs narrative/Ch metaphor form of mainstream music. Yeah, I think I probably have too much narrative in my Chorus. I repeat my title/hook there several times ... but overall I don't think it's very catchy. (which isn't a great think for a chorus ) My problem is the vampire's perspective changes a bit in each verse, and the chorus can't be too psycho vampire-ish and accommodate those changes as well. I have some new lines below that are more chorus like. Do they work well with the verses? Does it have the action you speak of? If so, I may try re-working my original chorus into another verse.
If anyone else reading this would like to chime in ... additional perspectives never hurt IMO.

(Alternate Chorus)
1 In this dead of winter -- I become bold
2 blood like rusty syrup flows
3 steams below on icy snow
4 contaminated now I know
5 carrion feeds the clueless crows
6 as my endless hunger grows
7 this Vampire Winter is getting old
8 This Vampire Winter is getting cold



In cinema you would call it an establishing shot - communicating the location and the context of the 'action'. The problem is there is no action just description. I get where you're coming from Burt. But this isn't a movie, a book, or short story. That, and the 'action' here is mostly internal conflict ... as it was in the book on which I based this. This vampire is stealthy. He's lasted this long by not being a berserker. (ie, werewolf like)

- The Ch hints "siren's call" that the singer is a vampire??
The "sirens call" has a dual meaning here. The actual disaster warning sirens in the town, and an analogous mythological siren. (ie, people are lured into defensive structures thinking they will be safe) But they're actually the vampires equivalent of fish in a barrel!

A more metaphoric approach might be from the Vampire's POV waiting for the The Winter - the building hunger desire for blood = the desire we might all feel for something? Unfortunately for him -- humanity is dying. He can't afford to wait too long. Hence his conflict. People are much more vulnerable now. (like sitting ducks) But they're also ... the very last ducks! Actually, I do have him waiting a while in my first line. until he feels only a "... faint heat ..." from what was a firestorm outside.

The character seems conflicted at the end and it is a bit confusing Conflicted is what I was shooting for at the end. Confusion, however was not. Burt, what part/parts did you find confusing, if I may ask?

- There is an excellent metaphor lurking in 'Vampire Winter' and once you find it then apply your great skills for creating vivid images to work - but at the moment it is just elegant description of an apocalyptic event, that I can admire but I can not relate to? Like the dead of winter above?

Perhaps I am your market - but even if your target audiences loves this type of content, they will soon grow weary of 'scene setting' and want action. I'm sure they would if this were a novel, and even more so if it were a movie. Thankfully this is a lyric, and would have music to accompany it.
You sound a lot like a film student Burt. Is that your background? Just curious.

HTH
Burt

Steve (aka, Simonsays)

[BurtHK]

Hey Steve

When you said " . . . the 'action' here is mostly internal conflict" - I think you have defined the lack of action that I'm referring to.

When we remember we don't think in terms of conflicting arguments - we remember in pictures of what happened - part of that might be the actual location of where the event took place, but it is mostly about what happened "She turned as if she was leaving then looked back and said goodbye for ever".

If the conflict/action is internal then it has to be articulated in either metaphor or description of the external behaviors that demonstrate the internal conflict (sometimes this is very simple & direct). You have to exteranlise it visually so the listener can go - 'even though its a vampire at the end of the world I get what he's going through'

Action internal or external, has to be clear to the listener so they can relate to it. We all want things that are bad for us? So the vampire eating the last of his food is presented with a choice - short term satisfaction verses postponement of primal desire? At the moment I'm not getting that - my reference to film and literature is based on the complexity of the narrative you are attempting to convey.

The lines with hinting references to the vampire amongst the other imagery is a very literary device - the sort used in poetry where perhaps imagery is open to greater interpretation. I do not think that the commercial song formula provides the best platform for the narrative you wish to convey.

If you are after more of a ballade narrative form then look to Dylan, satanic metal songs of the 80s & old folk songs - there is still even in those forms always a refrain or Ch which in someways encapsulates the central idea.

When the sheep are all slaughtered the Shepard will starve
This Vampire Winter is cold and hard
This Vampire Winter will be our last

FYI I teach Theatre, Film & Music in a secondary school, but like all good arts teachers I am a failed actor, musician and film maker. I am deeply interested in the way we consume narratives, data and narrative psychology. I try to apply what little I know of this to the work I create for myself and with other.

Cheers
Burt