Waiting On You

[LooknGlass]

(Vs.1)
I stared into those beautiful eyes
and manage a crooked smile
If you could only come out of that picture
and be with me awhile

(Vs.2)
I recall the day I snapped that shot
visiting Chesapeake Bay;
When I had blurted out how much I loved you
and you smiled as if to say...

(Chorus)
I love you more than, you can comprehend and
I'll never leave your side
I'll will always be there, every-where dear
Where you are; I reside

And you said, it's about time...
I've been waiting on you

(Vs.3)
I set the photo down, looked at you
and I struggled not to cry
If you could only open your eyes once more
and let them smile goodbye

(Vs.4)
I recall the day we got the news
and I broke down by your bed
They said the tumor was inoperable
yet the look in your eyes said...

(Chorus)
I love you more than, you can comprehend and
I'll never leave your side
I'll will always be there, every-where dear
Where you are; I reside

And you said, it's about time
I'll be waiting on you

(Bridge)
I shook the hands of everyone
as the "I'm sorrys" filed on by
Your with God, yet still with me
because our love will never die

and I remember your last whisper...

(Chorus)
I love you more than, you can comprehend and
I'll never leave your side
I'll will always be there, everywhere dear
Where you are, I reside

I'll be waiting on you

© L. James Tanner

[mikeShort]

You've got punctuation errors. "Everywhere" is not hyphenated; there are stray commas, that kind of thing.

To avoid punctuation problems, I don't include punctuation in my lyrics. Probably a but eccentric, but there it is. I'm not going to comment on the contents because this is not my kind of song. I think, though, that the song would have more general appeal if the story were less specific.

(Vs.1)
I stared into those beautiful eyes
and manage a crooked smile
If you could only come out of that picture
and be with me awhile

(Vs.2)
I recall the day I snapped that shot
visiting Chesapeake Bay; <=== semi-colon not needed
When I had blurted out how much I loved you
and you smiled as if to say... <=== ellipse not needed

(Chorus)
I love you more than, you can comprehend and <=== comma does not belong here
I'll never leave your side
I'll will always be there, every-where dear
Where you are; I reside <=== semi-colon should be a comma

And you said, it's about time...
I've been waiting on you

(Vs.3)
I set the photo down, looked at you
and I struggled not to cry
If you could only open your eyes once more
and let them smile goodbye

(Vs.4)
I recall the day we got the news
and I broke down by your bed
They said the tumor was inoperable
yet the look in your eyes said...

(Chorus)
I love you more than, you can comprehend and
I'll never leave your side
I'll will always be there, every-where dear
Where you are; I reside

And you said, it's about time
I'll be waiting on you

(Bridge)
I shook the hands of everyone
as the "I'm sorrys" filed on by
Your with God, yet still with me
because our love will never die

and I remember your last whisper...

(Chorus)
I love you more than, you can comprehend and
I'll never leave your side
I'll will always be there, everywhere dear
Where you are, I reside

I'll be waiting on you

© L. James Tanner

[LooknGlass]

Hi Mike, thanks for reading and the critique. It's very appreciated. Concerning the punctuation errors; I guess I should have went back and removed the commas and hyphen. I use these to remember the cadence and melody I had in mind when I wrote it. Sometimes it will sit on my hard drive for months or even years and when I come back to it, these things help bring back to mind where I was going with it. I think you are correct that I am to specific and I am mulling over how to remedy it and still keep the idea I want to convey. Thanks again for your time and comment.

[dencol]

Hi,

This was a really nice read... Once the meter settled in I really enjoyed the flow.
The imagery is great. The only thing I would have revisited is preparing the listener
for the sadness that is about to come. That was a little jarring at first but very heartfelt.

Great Job... Keep it up!

Dennis

[simonsays]

Beautiful song LooknGlass. Sad ... but beautiful. Well done!
I have no constructive comments I can add, so I guess I'll leave it at that.
Steve (aka, SimonSays)

(Vs.1)
I stared into those beautiful eyes
and manage a crooked smile
If you could only come out of that picture
and be with me awhile

(Vs.2)
I recall the day I snapped that shot
visiting Chesapeake Bay;
When I had blurted out how much I loved you
and you smiled as if to say...

(Chorus)
I love you more than, you can comprehend and
I'll never leave your side
I'll will always be there, every-where dear
Where you are; I reside

And you said, it's about time...
I've been waiting on you

(Vs.3)
I set the photo down, looked at you
and I struggled not to cry
If you could only open your eyes once more
and let them smile goodbye

(Vs.4)
I recall the day we got the news
and I broke down by your bed
They said the tumor was inoperable
yet the look in your eyes said...

(Chorus)
I love you more than, you can comprehend and
I'll never leave your side
I'll will always be there, every-where dear
Where you are; I reside

And you said, it's about time
I'll be waiting on you

(Bridge)
I shook the hands of everyone
as the "I'm sorrys" filed on by
Your with God, yet still with me
because our love will never die

and I remember your last whisper...

(Chorus)
I love you more than, you can comprehend and
I'll never leave your side
I'll will always be there, everywhere dear
Where you are, I reside

I'll be waiting on you

© L. James Tanner