Need a little help with my english.

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chrismichols
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Need a little help with my english.

Post by chrismichols » Wed Apr 03, 2013 2:54 am

Hi friends!

Being from Sweden english isn't my first language. I get by pretty ok though but sometimes when I write lyrics I get unsure with the way I build sentences.
Lyrically you can and should (in my opinion) play with the language and sometimes use it in ways it's not normally spoken or written.

Anyway, I just got stuck on a sentence I want to use but am unsure if it works.

The sentence is
"I was hurting bad so I had to find
A means to leave it all behind"

What I intend to say here is something like "I'm feeling so sad and my heart aches so I need a quick fix, I'll just go out drinking, that'll help me forget..."

Does it fly?

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cardell
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Re: Need a little help with my english.

Post by cardell » Wed Apr 03, 2013 4:15 am

I think it's pretty close, but the word "means" is a little awkward to sing (in that sentence).

Stuart
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chrismichols
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Re: Need a little help with my english.

Post by chrismichols » Wed Apr 03, 2013 5:25 am

Ok thanks!
It's exactly that word I'd like to use 'cause it sounds a little misplaced...yet gets the point through...
Or did you mean that the word "means" is awkvard to sing "vocally" speaking?

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Casey H
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Re: Need a little help with my english.

Post by Casey H » Wed Apr 03, 2013 9:43 am

"A means to leave it all behind" is grammatically OK but "A way to leave it all behind" would be more conversational and natural.

:D Casey

chrismichols
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Re: Need a little help with my english.

Post by chrismichols » Wed Apr 03, 2013 10:05 am

Casey H wrote:"A means to leave it all behind" is grammatically OK but "A way to leave it all behind" would be more conversational and natural.

:D Casey
Well, that's just awesome. Since I'm not looking for either conversational or natural I'm spot on ;)

Thanks a bunch Casey

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Re: Need a little help with my english.

Post by mikeymike2000 » Mon Apr 22, 2013 9:30 pm

chrismichols wrote: Well, that's just awesome. Since I'm not looking for either conversational or natural I'm spot on ;)
With all due respect, I will second what Stuart and Casey said.

Unless you are writing a musical or a parody, (and even then you still want to follow the general protocol) songs are better received by 'inviting the listener in' with a natural and conversational approach. Intentionally going against the grain will in most cases produce a product that nobody can relate to and thus, not listen to or purchase.

Just trying to be helpful. :)

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