Beautiful Like You're Beautiful

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shanereaction
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Beautiful Like You're Beautiful

Post by shanereaction » Tue May 14, 2013 5:20 pm

Beautiful Like You're Beautiful
S. Telford

There’s electricity in every star tonight
And they’re guiding me
While they’re hiding me from sight
And they’re watching me
Like you like to watch me
And there’s a safety in their every light

They’re beautiful like you’re beautiful
Oh so beautiful, they’re beautiful
You’re beautiful
And you’re mine.

There’s electricity in the face of the moon
And it’s hiding me
While it’s guiding me to you
And it’s watching me
Like you like to watch me
And there’s comfort in the sky so blue

It’s beautiful like you’re beautiful,
Oh so beautiful, it’s beautiful.
You’re beautiful
And you’re mine.

No matter how far I walk
And no matter where I go
I’ll be reminded of you
I’ll be reminded of you I know

It’s beautiful like you’re beautiful,
Oh so beautiful, it’s beautiful.
You’re beautiful
And you’re mine.

simonsays
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Re: Beautiful Like You're Beautiful

Post by simonsays » Wed May 15, 2013 2:43 pm

Hi Shanereaction,
I'm afraid this one didn't hook me. :( I'll try to explain exactly why below. (It did inspire a song for me though.:))
Steve (aka, simonSays)




shanereaction wrote:Beautiful Like You're Beautiful After reading your chorus, I think I understand where your title originated. Unfortunately, it didn't work for me. First, I felt like there was a silent (hippy like) "man" after the title. "Beautiful Like They're Beautiful" might work better IMO, because then it focuses on her beauty ... and not the stars/moons beauty. Second, for me, comparing a woman to the stars and moon is beyond cliche. It would take some really clever wording to make that seem new to me.
S. Telford

There’s (electricity) in every star tonight electricity in the air I get. Here it seems like a forced rhyme with guiding me. Maybe use (meaning or beauty) instead? IMO, there are lots of words with an EE sound that would better support your "Beautiful Like you're Beautiful" simile.
And they’re guiding me
While they’re hiding me from sight I like the guide/hide dichotomy you used here. :) But IMO, the mixed metaphors you're using in this verse don't support your hook/title. :(
And they’re watching me
Like you like to watch me
And there’s a (safety) in their every light Safety? Safety for whom? The singer sound a bit like a stalker to me. (He's hiding in the dark) Also, how can she see him ... if he's hidden from sight? I understand "like to watch' doesn't mean she has to be watching him that very second, but with the preceding "they're watching me" line, it came across that way to me. (maybe that's just me though)

(They’re) beautiful like (you’re) beautiful As I suggested with your title ... I think these would work better switched around.
Oh so beautiful, (they’re you're?) beautiful
You’re beautiful
And you’re mine.

There’s (electricity in a force from?) the face of the moon The face is the outer surface. On or from the face would make sense. In doesn't IMO. There's also the mixed metaphor problem for me again.
And it’s hiding me
While it’s guiding me to you
And it’s watching me
Like you like to watch me
And there’s comfort in the sky so (blue) If the moon is guiding the singer... I'm picturing it's night time. Why is there a blue sky?

It’s beautiful like you’re beautiful,
Oh so beautiful, it’s beautiful.
You’re beautiful
And you’re mine.

No matter how far I walk This verse seems like it's here mostly for rhyming purposes.
And no matter where I go
I’ll be reminded of you
I’ll be reminded of you I know

It’s beautiful like you’re beautiful,
Oh so beautiful, it’s beautiful.
You’re beautiful
And you’re mine.

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