Would this work for film/tv

[songmaster]

Hi Yall I have been working on this song for a while and I am getting at that ( am I over working it ) point. Any and all advice is much appreciated. Sorry, I don't have the vocals to show the tune but I am considering getting a demo done for this one.

Alone

Hey crazy love, what did I do
You dangle my dreams like the stars
So take your sky, and your sad old moon
Cause their beauty just breaks my heart
And right now, I just need to be alone

Hey broken love, I'm feeling torn
I guess I'm not looking my best
So kill the light and close the door
I,m burnt out like a crushed cigarette
And right now, I just need to be alone

Bridge

Why did you come into my life
At this time
Just to take it away
And then say, good bye...good bye

Hey perfect love, I'll probably live
So please, don't you give up on me
I still taste, your virgin kiss
And in time, I'll get up off my knees
But, right now, I just need, to be alone.

[GlennPageMusic]

I think it would, yes.

Like the cigarette lyric. Nice one!

It may be worth nothing that I can already envision some people - not me - having a problem with the title "Alone" just because it's been used before. (Of course! How could it not have been?)


Personally, No one owns the word "Alone" and I think it's quite timeless, and not everyone is a music historian who has heard all those other songs with the title "Alone", so I personally don't see the harm in using it - at least not once every generation or so. Still, I could totally see SOMEONE having a problem with using the word "alone" as a title - and so you may want to go with "Need to Be Alone" or something like that. Up to you, of course.

Glenn

[songmaster]

Hi Glenn Thanks for taking a look at this one. I usually google any title I come up with and you are right. There are a lot of songs with that title. I guess I used it to make it easier for a music supervisor to zero in on the emotion that he/she might be looking for. Also, although I haven't posted the song, the emphasis musically, is on that very last word " alone ".

Having said all that, I have no objections to using " Need to be alone " either. It still sums up, this poor , scotch soaked, heartbroken, recluse. ( I'm talking about the song, not me...at least not the heartbroken part ).

I might try a recording and hope I don't insult anyone's ears, and maybe it will give folks a better idea of the spirit of the song.

I'm thinking of doing a bare bones approach for this one. I seem to have more luck with those getting forwarded, than big productions.

Anywho, thanks again...Tom.

[songmaster]

I just recorded a very rough demo of "Alone". It's on my Taxi page. Again, I just want to know if this would fly for TV and Film. Also, when and if I get this demoed, any suggestions on male or female singer?

Thanks everyone in advance.

Tom.

[mikeShort]

It's a guy singer song. I don't know why; it just is. How's that for deep and cogent analysis?

There is no specific story here, so I see no reason it would not work for Film/TV.

[songmaster]

Hey Mike Thanks for having a listen. Yes, I guess this is in the singer songwriter style. I purposely wrote the lyrics so it would not clash with a story line. It's hard for me because I have written a lot of country music, which is full of imagery.

Anyway, thanks again.

Tom

[LooknGlass]

Nice work on this, I really like it. I love the cigarette line too. I would like to hear this one.

[Casey H]

I enjoyed this. Just some minor comments on the lyrics...

I think the bridge needs some touch up. When you say "Just to take it away", what is "it" referring to? It's one of those dangling things your English teacher dings you about. She didn't really take his life away since he's still alive.

Why did you come into my life
At this time
Just to take it away
And then say, good bye...good bye

In the last verse, for film/TV, I'd replace the word "virgin" in "virgin kiss". It may seem innocuous as far as adult language but sups can be very picky about that. Besides, it doesn't buy you anything. Lots of adjectives would work with "kiss" there just as well.

Hey perfect love, I'll probably live
So please, don't you give up on me
I still taste, your virgin kiss
And in time, I'll get up off my knees
But, right now, I just need, to be alone.

Best,
Casey

[songmaster]

Thanks everyone for having a listen. Also,yes Casey. you're right about that line. It's funny but I didn't think anyone would notice that it doesn't make much sense. I guess I was trying to say that , Love giveth and love taketh away. But it didn't come out that way. Also, I didn't realize that some music supervisors would be cautious about the word virgin, but that can easily be changed. I was just trying to be provocative.

Well, back to the drawing board.

Thanks all

Tom

[AmandaJane]

I just read the lyrics, really liked it and then realised that I could listen to the recorded song.

I really loved it, and apart from the bits Casey pointed out, I can see it working in film and TV - especially if on a couple of the lines you delay the start, part way into the bar - will add to the emotional angst... I think... You really want the listeners to FEEL the pain. But I'm no expert (only in pain lol)

Love it - can see it really developing