No Rhyme, No Forward

[divinorivera]

Do all songs need to have rhymes to get forwarded? We know great songs with no rhymes but with a good story.
Screener commented 'All three of these songs fit the style really well. Again, I'd like to hear a more engaging lyric. Rhymes can really help a lyric be more memorable and interesting. Here, for instance, you could rhyme "heart" at the end of the 4th line. Or you could rhyme "way" in the 6th line. Good rhymes can help strengthen a song.'

[hummingbird]

Hi... I don't think rhymes are necessary, but having an engaging, memorable lyric would be.

It might help if you posted the lyrics, a link to the song, and the entire review... then we could give you our assessment of what the screener was looking for.

Hang in there!

[funsongs]

Heck...sounds from the review that you were really close.
Agree with the bird-man...helps if you post the comparatives.

That stated...build on the positive feedback, and forget the 'small stuff'.
If all they needed was a little rhymey-stymie, give it to 'em.

Just think what your next post would sound like if you got a forward notice!
You'd be jumpin' outta yer skin.

Good job...
Cheers.
Peter R.
http://www.soundcloud.com/funsongs-1

[hummingbird]

Agree with the bird-man...

Thks

(JK -- I'm not really surprised, as I haven't been on the forum hardly at all for a couple years... lol)

[divinorivera]

I submitted a song to 2 different listings both looking for Christian Contemporary. Song is "Simply Believe" at my Taxi page.

Listener ID # 34 commented "Very nice hook and chorus, and the style of the song is on target and please know that this song was strongly considered for the listing. In terms of song structure, I feel that the first chorus could come in sooner -- closer to 1 minute (or less) into the song -- so the sing-along part of the song comes in a bit sooner. The melody has good sectional contrast and the bridge is compelling. I've noted several books below which may be of interest to you. (FYI, John Braheny's book has an excellent chapter on song structure.) "

Listener ID # 276 commented "All three of these songs fit the style really well. Again, I'd like to hear a more engaging lyric. Rhymes can really help a lyric be more memorable and interesting. Here, for instance, you could rhyme "heart" at the end of the 4th line. Or you could rhyme "way" in the 6th line. Good rhymes can help strengthen a song."

[funsongs]

Pardon me...have I made an ignorant faux pas?
Should that have been a "bird-lady" ?! ...
...or is it worse than that?! eeggaddzz...was just trying to help build someone up!!

Have you any Grey Poupon?
Cheers.
Peter R. (relative Newbie myself)
http://www.soundcloud.com/funsongs-1

[Casey H]

Hi Divino
Could you please post the entire listing text and your lyrics for each of these? We can't read your lyrics on your Taxi page even if the songs are set to "public".

Thanks,
Casey

I submitted a song to 2 different listings both looking for Christian Contemporary. Song is "Simply Believe" at my Taxi page.

Listener ID # 34 commented "Very nice hook and chorus, and the style of the song is on target and please know that this song was strongly considered for the listing. In terms of song structure, I feel that the first chorus could come in sooner -- closer to 1 minute (or less) into the song -- so the sing-along part of the song comes in a bit sooner. The melody has good sectional contrast and the bridge is compelling. I've noted several books below which may be of interest to you. (FYI, John Braheny's book has an excellent chapter on song structure.) "

Listener ID # 276 commented "All three of these songs fit the style really well. Again, I'd like to hear a more engaging lyric. Rhymes can really help a lyric be more memorable and interesting. Here, for instance, you could rhyme "heart" at the end of the 4th line. Or you could rhyme "way" in the 6th line. Good rhymes can help strengthen a song."

[hummingbird]

Pardon me...have I made an ignorant faux pas?
Should that have been a "bird-lady" ?! ...
...or is it worse than that?! eeggaddzz...was just trying to help build someone up!!

Have you any Grey Poupon?
Cheers.
Peter R. (relative Newbie myself)
http://www.soundcloud.com/funsongs-1

LOL no worries, just didn't want to get mixed up with the Birdman (Bryan Williams) haha

most 'round here call me Hummingbird or H'bird or 'Bird or Vikki *grins wide*


@divinorivera -yes as Casey said... could we get the listings and the lyrics please helps us to help you

[divinorivera]

Thanks for being so helpful. Here are the listings:
INSPIRATIONAL WORSHIP SONGS in the passionate, stylistic wheelhouse of artists like Chris Tomlin, Kari Jobe, Phil Wickham, etc., are needed by the Creative Director at a Nashville-based Music Publishing Company pitching to prominent Contemporary Christian artists. Be sure your songs fit in a corporate church setting. Songs must deliver a strong Christian message in a deliberate and thoughtful way. Vocal and instrumental demo presentation need to be competitive! All tempos will be accepted. Male and female vocals are both okay. Please submit one to three songs online or per CD, include lyrics. All submissions will be screened on a Yes/No basis - No full critiques.

and the other:
SING-ALONG, WORSHIP SONGS with MALE VOCALS are needed by the Creative Director of a Nashville-based Music Publishing Company running its first listing with TAXI. Quoting the Creative Director: "Some good artists to reference are Chris Tomlin, Matt Redman, Phil Wickman, etc. Vocal range should accommodate a large church setting, so nothing too rangy. Lyrics should be Easter driven, with themes about the cross, resurrection, jubilation, etc." Be sure the original songs you submit have an overt Christian message that's full of inspiration and passion. Vocal and instrumental demo presentation must be strong! All tempos will be accepted. Please submit one to three songs online or per CD, include lyrics.

Simply Believe

He came into the world
And he can come into your heart
He made the blind to see
He can show you the way
He calmed a stormy sea
And he calm your troubled soul inside
And give you rest inside

He made the lame to walk
He can lift you up when you’re weak
He cared and cleansed the lepers
He’ll accept as you are
He healed a bleeding woman
He can mend your wounded soul inside
And make it whole again

Chorus:
So here and now
Simply believe, simply believe
All your heart just surrender
Simply believe, simply believe

He set the captives free
He can release you from your past
He raised the dead to life
He can make a new beginning in you
A new day in you

Bridge:
In Jesus, in Jesus
All his love for us poured out on the cross
On the cross he gave it all
All his love for us poured out on the cross
On the cross he gave
He gave it all

All my heart I surrender
Simply believe, Simply believe
In Jesus, in Jesus
I believe in you, I believe in you

[pitterpatter]

I have to agree with the screener here.

I find Christian music is very hard to write lyrics for, especially "Praise and Worship." For me, it's hard to imagine great original, sounding lyrics. There is only so many ways to say, Praise the Lord. God is Great. God is love. Jesus saves. The cross. The blood. Only believe. Lost in sin. To me, it's so easy to slip into cliché lyrics with this genre. Because of this, for me it's one of the most difficult genres for me to write lyrics for. Don't be discouraged because it's the same problem for everyone to come up with original and fresh sounding approaches to lyrics in this genre. I'll bet most songwriters who start out writing in this genre don't get forwarded for this same reason.

For example, I wrote what I believe to be a really great Contemporary Christian song. I had it critiqued by John Braheny, one of song writing's greatest legends. It was a super deal at $25. How I wish he was still alive to critique some more songs for me. At any rate, he told me that I really knew what I was doing. Everything was right; the melodies, the structure but he said my lyrics needed work.

That was a few years ago. I keep trying to improve the lyrics but I just can't get them to the next level and honestly, I think they are good lyrics...just not great lyrics. And so the song sits on the shelf gathering dust until I can improve the lyrics.

I just bought a book on writing lyrics by Pat Pattison. I'm hoping I can be taught. You can find it on the list of books available for sale here at Taxi, if you are interested. Good luck with the song writing.

Regards

PitterPatter aka Carla