No Rhyme, No Forward

[divinorivera]

Hi Carla,
Thanks for looking into. I completely agree with you. It is indeed difficult. As a songwriter, you want to veer away from cliche, and even song critics. (Though, I wonder why there are still a lot of cliche in Christian music that works). I had another return for another song I submitted to a Christian Contemporary listing looking for song that do not have to be overtly Christian. The screener's comment on my lyrics is "too subtle and could be made stronger." (check on Everything's Changing on my taxi page)

So what's the measure of "not overtly Christian or not too preachy or not too nosy"?
Reference artists most of the time are Chris Tomlin, Kari Jobe, Paul Wickham who are actually overtly Christian on their lyrics.

[pitterpatter]

This is why I have been steering clear of this genre but I guess they all have their pitfalls and difficulty levels. My advice, is just keep developing your skills. I was listening to a video with Stargate. They recommended having 200 songs ready to go and that way, whatever comes up, you will have a better chance of giving them what they want because of your wide selection. They recommended writing 2-3 songs per week. I am aiming for just one per week but that would still be 52 songs per year. I would have my 200 songs in four years and hopefully by then, through constant practice, I will improve considerably. It's frustrating because unlike many other professions, you don't get paid as you go. It's a lot of free work, in the meantime and you may never get paid. That's why you really need to love it.

[funsongs]

Howdy -
I've dabbled with songs in this genre...only, not trying to be IN the genre...but, rather, being authentic while conveying the inspiration of the particular phrases. For me, that led to styles that seemed to be all over the map.
Not intentionally trying to be anti-cliche'... but rendering a genuine feeling and experience, particularly in the first person.

It used to be that I'd try to break down the perspective to being one of three, when it comes to "congregational-friendly" songs (as opposed to performance songs), and a progression that "leads people in...":

First: the outer court... the "we" songs (3rd person) - lyrics that the groups sings about the initial act of gathering.
Celebration, light, uplifting...there's a party about to begin! Invitation...come on in!! Pump it up!

Second: the inner-court... the "me" song - self-reflection...what am I preparing for?-type of self-examination...heart/motive?
You're about to enter into the presence of the King: there's a bit of protocol involved: authenticity being paramount.

Third: the intimate, one-to-one place...the "Thee" song: what will you say to your Abba-Daddy, given the chance to sit on his lap...when His attention is focused only upon you?! It's about to be an exhilarating time, with someone who is totally devoted to you: in gentleness, kindness, patience, love, mercy, and amazing grace!

If you can couch your lyrics in that way...it may help your audience connect on a personal level...if, that's what your aim is.
For what it's worth...
Does that help? Or, TMI?

Peter R.
http://www.soundcloud.com/funsongs-1
Write-on!!

[divinorivera]

Now you will be divided between authenticity vs rhyme but I believe we can achieve this as we write on and practice. I agree with Carla and Peter that we really gotta keep diggin.

@Peter,
Thanks for shedding some light here. You have great idea and aim for personal and upward congregational songs. The challenge however is on listings looking for those with subtle messages and not preachy. They would like songs to be not too spiritual and has cross-over appeal. And then sometimes you fall between authenticity vs marketability.

[funsongs]

Perhaps I should have clarified that by "dabbling", that has been without regard for listings or marketing...
strictly as an expression of the heart, mostly in a spontaneous fashion; as in the course of normal conversation.

I once heard, "joy is incomplete until it is expressed." So, it's in that realm, somewhere, from which I wrote what I wrote.

Cheers!
Peter R.
www.soundcloud.com/funsongs-1

[MichaelAmoriello]

I submitted a song to 2 different listings both looking for Christian Contemporary. Song is "Simply Believe" at my Taxi page.

Listener ID # 34 commented "Very nice hook and chorus, and the style of the song is on target and please know that this song was strongly considered for the listing. In terms of song structure, I feel that the first chorus could come in sooner -- closer to 1 minute (or less) into the song -- so the sing-along part of the song comes in a bit sooner. The melody has good sectional contrast and the bridge is compelling. I've noted several books below which may be of interest to you. (FYI, John Braheny's book has an excellent chapter on song structure.) "

Listener ID # 276 commented "All three of these songs fit the style really well. Again, I'd like to hear a more engaging lyric. Rhymes can really help a lyric be more memorable and interesting. Here, for instance, you could rhyme "heart" at the end of the 4th line. Or you could rhyme "way" in the 6th line. Good rhymes can help strengthen a song."

Hey Divino,

I coordinate an NSAI chapter, and my co-coordinator writes (almost) exclusively praise and worship songs. I agree with the folks who said it's a tricky task to write something fresh and engaging without falling into cliche' because there's only so many way's to say praise god. I also agree with you that songs don't necessarily have to rhyme if you've got a great story, but ... your song is a LIST song, NOT a story song. Consider the Randy Travis song "Three Wooden Crosses" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p8UcEr0_0MM) - a compelling story song with a surprise ending in the grand country tradition - and lots of rhyme. It's not strictly a praise & worship song, but it sure gets the message across that he works in mysterious ways.

I just listened to your song (one and a quarter times), read the lyrics, and IMHO the reviewers comments are on target. While I like the feel, and I think the chorus melody is pretty cool, the verse melody just isn't interesting enough to my ear for as long as those first two verses are. Simply, it didn't hold my attention the first time through... I tuned out somewhere in the second verse. Then I found the lyrics and gave it a full listen. Maybe if you did one verse, and then the chorus, it would work, but the lack of rhyme doesn't help.

If it were my song, I would rewrite it, shortening it so that there are only two verses, each only as long as the third verse, cut the bridge in half, put in some rhyme and use the V-C-V-C-B-C structure. That gets you to the hook quicker, and keeps the listener interested. I took the liberty of editing it as an example of what I'm suggesting. (It's not it, because I just moved the lines around to use the rhyming words you already had - free, sea, weak, see - and with the word "believe" four times in the chorus, plus my changing the "all your heart, just surrender" line to get another rhyme in, it might be too many "ee" rhymes - but hopefully you get the idea.) Consider this offering a sign of peace:

Simply Believe

He came into the world
He set the captives free
He calmed a stormy sea
He calms my troubled soul inside
And gives me rest inside

Chorus:
So here and now
Simply believe, simply believe
Surrender your heart to his peace
Simply believe, simply believe

He made the lame to walk
He made the blind to see
He lifts you when you’re weak
He mends your wounded soul inside
And makes it whole again

Chorus:
So here and now
Simply believe, simply believe
Surrender your heart to his peace
Simply believe, simply believe

Bridge:
In Jesus, in Jesus
All his love for us poured out on the cross
On the cross he gave it all
He gave his all

Chorus:
So here and now
Simply believe, simply believe
Surrender your heart to his peace
Simply believe, simply believe

Tag:
I surrender my heart to his peace
Simply believe, Simply believe
In Jesus, in Jesus
I believe in you, I believe.


And all the lines I "deleted?" Well, use them as the basis for another song.

Hope it helps,