Politically correct? Sexist? Please help me decide.

[atopel]

OK, I have written a new song that has a lot going for it; high scores on other sites that evaluate commercial viability and 2 very positive critiques. I ran it by a very reputable Nashville song-plugger (for a critique) who has placed songs with top artists for decades. She replied that she really liked the concept, melody, and production, but she could never pitch it on Music Row because several phrases made it sexist and offensive to women. The song was written as an edgy, humorous country rocker that would be a follow-up hit for Blake Shelton and the Pistol Annie's "Boys 'Round Here." I never intended it to be offensive; rather, I did consciously write the lyric to border on outrageous and get listener's attention (subscribing just a bit to the Miley Cirus school of outrageous ). I also wrote out a mini-screenplay to create a hilarious music video from following the story.
Now, the song plugger suggested I tone the song down a bit by changing several phrases in the lyrics, and I certainly can do this and re-record the lead vocal; I am aware that this would be the prudent way to go business-wise, but I'd love to know what you all think; is this song too racy and offensive for commercial radio ? And, if you believe it could get cut, who might perform it?

The song is titled "Too Many Women and Only One Me" and the music and lyrics can be found on my Taxi page at http://www.Taxi.com/atmusic or on http://www.Soundcloud.com/atopel/too-ma ... nly-one-me

Please be truthful with me here. IMO, compared to so much profanity I hear on the radio today, I thought my lyrics were edgy but not offensive. (if I'm wrong, it won't be the first time Do you think recording artists would shy away from a song like this? Any and all thoughts, opinions, comments will be really appreciated. Thanks.

[nick.moxsom]

My gut reaction...

Very good song, great demo, and you've obviously crafted the lyric carefully. But these clichés are tired, and they date the song. (Pistol in your pocket – really?) I can't honestly imagine any bro-country artists wanting to potentially slate their reputations by singing this – I certainly wouldn't if I was riding the wave of fame. Suggesting that your woman would happily share her sister with you, and she, in turn, her friend, IS sexist, yes. Insultingly so. And as a guy, I personally have had enough of men treating women as commodities for sexual pleasure. Most of my intelligent friends are female, and frankly, they'd write this off as disposable.

So my opinion is, you should go back and craft an equally clever lyric that challenges the stereotype – that's the future for country music; women's empowerment.

Respectfully, but you asked.

Nick

[michael11]

Well Ave, I really like it,I see it as you wrote it,humorous and self deprecating and it would make a great vid.

If that guy existed in my world he would be shot down in flames by women and men,so to me it's a story of a stereotype which exists only in the imagination.

In other words it's fun.

As to who would record it,well I don't know.
I'm from the UK but I;m right up to date with current Country and I can't think of anybody in the Country market doing it but I could see Pitbull doing it!!!!

Leave it as it is,make the vid,put it on youtube,vevo or whatever and see what happens.

[Geir]

I like the song.
Personally I can’t see that the text is a big problem – in fact, I think it’s very good.
Certainly there will be those who hate it because of its apparent chauvinistic text, but I think that may possibly be the whole message of the song – that this guy is really a pathetic loser who can’t hold down a relationship and will eventually surely die alone and lonely.
I see this song as a tongue-in-cheek fun song that is basically a satire over male chauvinism poking fun at the guys out there who actually are like this one.
Like I said, some will really hate it and some will love it, and it may cause some controversy. But is controversy such a bad thing? I would suggest that general apathy is less welcome than controversy.
So I recommend that it stays as it is and let the listeners judge for themselves to decide if this is just satirical fun laughing at the hopeless stupidity of this guy, or actual infamous chauvinism.
For me, its the first of these.
I like it. A lot ...

Geir

[johnlewitt]

I think I can see where the problem arises and its not necessarily any individual lyric, but all of them put together. There's no sympathy in this character and in fact his like-ability decreases as the song goes along. If he's supposed to be a country bumpkin who is being taken advantage of, getting it on with the sister changes this perception immediately.

You could try a subtle lyrical shift based on the first verse (which paints a very vivid picture). So paint a picture of a woman who knows what she wants versus the guy who's still trying to figure it all out and is scared of the type of woman who knows what she wants and goes for it. So, something like this...

Rolled in on a Greyhound, moved to a new town,
My new landlady greeted me at my front door
Brought me some whiskey, then she got frisky,
Now everyday she comes back for more

She's too much of a woman for me
Way too much honey for one honey bee
This kitty keeps chasing this puppy up a tree
‘Cause she's just too much of a woman for me

A lot of the lyrics you've got could be adjusted to this point of view. Just a thought.

As it's structured now, I don't see any established artist going for it as their careers are generally stage managed by a team of people who would eventually veto this. Now having said that, we do live in a world where Andrew Dice Clay was hugely popular at one point in time - so you just never know.

So, take this for what it's worth.

John

[Len911]

For country perhaps a Toby Keith or Big & Rich?? The lyrics by themselves suggest rap or hip hop, not that I'm that familiar with the genre, but the few songs I've heard tend to have that degradation of women, narcissistic attitude whether real or tongue in cheek. So maybe a country rap artist, or is there such a thing??

[Russell Landwehr]

So maybe a country rap artist, or is there such a thing??

Big Smo, The LACs, Moonshine Bandits, Colt Ford


You know, I hang out with blue-collar, redneck, sexist, offensive guys all day long. Ain't no uptight feminist song plugger in Nashville gonna change US and what we listen to and talk about.

Russell

[atopel]

Hey everyone, thank you, thank you, thank you for your input. PLEASE KEEP SENDING YOUR OPINIONS AND FEELINGS AROUND THIS SUBJECT.

[feaker66]

Well alrighty then.

First off, the production was great and the two singers are very good.

It's tough to get into the lyrics, but I have to say, this is what is said in the "real" world.

Compare this to what is said in rap lyrics:)

I wouldn't change much except the pistol thangy. Not needed.

I liked it...nuff said.

Sincerely

Paul

[beesea]

Hi Ave
Mixed thoughts on this one for me. Musically, it's very good - great hook, great groove. Lyrically, I was rolling my eyes a bit on first listen.
But - I gave it a second listen, thinking to myself "these lyrics aren't my thing, but I definitely know people who would relate". With that in mind, I was actually with you through the second verse. A ridiculous, but pretty well crafted story up to that point.
Then comes the bridge. Starts out ok - "upping the ante" by going to church and still not escaping the "problem". But then the singer's boss fires him and calls him a peckerhead. In church, I think. Huh? Shouldn't him getting fired be the last verse? Why would all of this guy's lovers show up at church anyway? As it sits, the last verse wrap things up, but not in a really meaningful way. He just moves out of town because he's afraid of dying from too much sex. Ironically, a bit anti-climactic. (Sorry, couldn't resist...)
Also, rap comparisons notwithstanding, I don't think "peckerhead" gets on country radio these days. I'm with Nick on the "pocket rocket", "happy to see me" cliche. Not offensive in an "edgy, pushing boundaries" kind of way, offensive in a "cringe-worthy, outdated cliche" kind of way.

I apologize if this sounds harsh. But I bring these things up because you've got a good song here! IMHO, the end of the bridge and last verse need some work though. Good luck!

Cheers, Bob