"I'm awake" is done the best I can..any last suggestions?

[feaker66]

I've done the best I could with this song. I tried to listen ever so much closer:)

Sincerely

Paul

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_so ... D=13039864

I’m awake

It seems like I have been here. A thousand times before.
I’ve see some things that I remember

I know that I have seen you..before we might have kissed
I feel like there is something…something I have missed

It’s coming, coming back around


I’m awake it’s really no dream This feeling’s haunting me
Places building so familiar, this is what I see
I’m awake its really no dream your face is here right here now
Want to touch you hold you kiss you, I just don’t know how


I’m awake it’s really no dream I pinch myself for feeling
You don’t know me but I’ve seen you for so long
I’m awake it’s really no dream It’s not a fantasy
Got to keep it all inside, they’ll think I’m crazy

Yes I've been here before. Always the same scene
Over and over and over and over again

[bobporri]

Good start Paul. Yes, I thought this was engaging. Good job, especially under the recording circumstances. I thought the vocals were particularly well done. Not sure what else to say but I think it's definitely worth spending more time on. Listening it cut out kind of quickly at about 2:15 so I'm assuming you have more to do with it.

Bob P.

[funsongs]

Hey Paul...
fwiw: I think this is the start of something really good.
jotted some first-impression notes while listening through the track:
1) nice Intro (reminded me a bit of the theme from "Gilligan's Island", in a good, relate-able way);
2) like the transition to the fuzzy guitar - good energy build;
3) good changes and sounds solid throughout; everything is working song-structure wise, imho.

What I would like to see/hear happen?
A collab with someone who could add a really good, tastefully done, real drummer track &
a McCartney-esque bass line & tone as the bottom end for the foundation.
Hope you'll take that next step and reach out to a Taxi-Bud who could help you pull it together.
Lots of potential there, imho.
Nicely done, Sir.
hth, cheers.
Peter R.

[feaker66]

Bob yup, just messin a little so see if I could get something cookin. I am going to take and post a pic of my temp recording studio. Funny pinching the mic between you knees. Only problem, it doesn't line up with the acoustic sound hole. I was going to wait and see if folks liked any of the parts before going on. Thanks again

Peter

You are such a nice guy. Yes I welcome any comments or help or colab on any of my songs. I don't have a bass guitar with me so I had to use some samples (for the first time) And for the drums, I just used the bass drum so far:)

Ok guys, thanks for the positive comments. Now I will go back an finish er off:)

Sincerely

Paul

[johnlewitt]

Paul,

I like the vibe of everything right up to 0:51. Personally I'd stick with the more intimate, acoustic approach.

The 'it's coming, coming back around' is a very nice melodic line.

John

[feaker66]

Dang John, now I finished it the other way. Ha ha

I will go back now and try one all acoustic. ( if I can make some kinda mic stand)

I just took off all the delay on the vocals and acoustic to clean it up a bit.

Thanks for the listen

Sincerely
Paul

[bobporri]

Paul, man!, that really came out quite good!

I agree with John, a little. The distorted guitar that comes in at that :51 point, could go. I really like the sound of everything else in there (the chorus) and just the simple drum and bass works cool. During the slide solo part (1:20), everything could stay as it is (although turn the distorted guitar down a good amount-and you know what a fan I am of distorted guitar ). I really think it's mostly the loud guitar during the chorus parts that detract from the rest.

Uh oh, does this mean you're stuck doing a third version now? (Only if you want to.)

Nice falling into the triplets at the end.

Bob

[funsongs]

It's me and my opinion, again... ... (dang... seems he follows me everywhere!)
The transition from the soft acoustic to the fuzzy electric is very appropriate and in-keeping with the title '"I'm Awake"...
because the song awakens there, maybe like a too-brutal alarm clock to some;
nevertheless, your original sensibilities to build it there makes sense for the story-line & lyrics.
Otherwise, maybe you're "still sleeping"... "in a dreamy state"... whatever.

Mic stand in the woods? Hang it from a tree limb?! Pretend you're on "Survivor".
or... "Gilligan's Island" for Pete's sake.
Cheers.
Peter

[feaker66]

Bob Great suggestions. I lowered that distorted side by 5db. It did sorta take over. This little squire pawn shop guitar won't tune..not even close. I just cranked it with those sustained chords 101. I will redo with something else.

Peter You are so funny. I am in Texas and there aren't too many trees right here. I did make a stand from wood. I will get a pic of this temp studio if I can figure out how to post it. You will get a kick out of it.

Thanks so much guys. It sounds much better already

Sincerely

Paul

[funsongs]

well...
"If you can't think of anything nice to say about someone...at least keep em laughing."
(I have no clue who would ever say such a thing.)