Feedback on new song draft?

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LesSampou
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Feedback on new song draft?

Post by LesSampou » Thu Mar 26, 2015 12:15 pm

Hi Peers!
I finished the first draft with my cowriter on Rodeo Star. I'd like to get feedback from some of you who could comment on its instrumental bed, (we'll be adding real drums), form, and anything else you'd like to add that might make it better. If you can name a genre or "sound a-like" that would be exceptionally helpful.

We're looking to submit it to a listing that asks for descriptives such as : indie rock, mid-tempo, story lyrics, off beat, moody...

It's posted at my taxi profile and here as well: https://soundcloud.com/les-sampou/rodeo-star

Here are the lyrics:

RODEO STAR c. Les Sampou & Andre Lund

She pulled into town in a ratty old dress
Battered guitar slung around her chest
Saw her on stage at the Paradise Bar
Singing her lungs out like a Rodeo Star

Yippee yi yay yippee ya yo
come along little Dogie Rock &Roll

The story’s the same: a good girl gone bad
I love, I hate, she’s driving me mad
with her music her booze and her hot and cold heart
shoot em up bang bang sang my rodeo star

Yippee yi yay yippee ya yo
come along little Dogie let’s Rock &Roll

she pulled out of town in her rusty old bus
Kicking up stones and clouds of dust
that mixed with my tears through which I saw
the last of my darlin’ Rodeo Star

Chorus repeats
Outro

larrymagee
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Re: Feedback on new song draft?

Post by larrymagee » Thu Mar 26, 2015 2:18 pm

very nice. I think it would start better if you deleted the part from 16 sec to 31 sec. I think the 3rd verse at 2:44 would sound cool with the sparse music used in the first verse for kind of a breakdown, then as is for the chorus- end.

Great song for TV and movies!!!

zacnelson
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Re: Feedback on new song draft?

Post by zacnelson » Thu Mar 26, 2015 2:53 pm

Thanks for sharing the song!

1) There is I imagine HEAPS of opportunity for a song like this, with the western style, I think I could imagine it in bar scenes etc
2) Excellent lyrics
3) The vocalist REALLY suits the song perfectly
4) The intro is FAR too long! I would start the singing at 0:31 - actually I disagree with the previous post, the part from 0:16 to 0:31 is absolutely brilliant, one of the best parts of the song!
5) Another way to further reduce the intro would be to halve the section from 0:00 - 0:15
6) I really love the yippee yi yay hook, so clever and catchy
7) Not sure about the guitar tone in that first 15 seconds, the first guitar that starts the song (on the left speaker) seems to have too much brightness on the attack which is getting picked up by the delay. Maybe compress with fast attack and fast release on the send to the delay, so only the dry signal has the bright attack and the delay has less of that transient, that way you'd have the best of both worlds

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Re: Feedback on new song draft?

Post by johnlewitt » Thu Mar 26, 2015 3:30 pm

Hey Les,

This definitely sets a mood (and yes Tarrantino would love it!).

Yes, the intro is far too long, you'll want to cut it down.

The singer nails it.

The bass tone, could have a little more bass tone to it.

Nice job.

John

LesSampou
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Re: Feedback on new song draft?

Post by LesSampou » Thu Mar 26, 2015 5:16 pm

Larry, Zac and John,
Very Much appreciated! If only you were the Taxi screeners:)!! I get a little down sometimes submitting stuff i think is special:) and getting cut to shreds....Maybe they'll like this one when the time comes to submit it.

I agree, the intro is too long, but my favorite part, so I'll add my vocals earlier. I'm going back to read your other remarks.

I have no idea what the genre for this is, nor who it sounds like, so any two cents you care to add on that would be very helpful.

Im sending your notes to my collaborator in Norway; we have fun composing long distance. At least we both use Logic. He's the Twang master and we're building an album of like songs. Don't know any specific tv shows yet to target but am on the look out.

Will watch for your names and hope to add as helpful notes to any of your SOS requests. Best, Les

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Re: Feedback on new song draft?

Post by andygabrys » Thu Mar 26, 2015 7:34 pm

cool song Les.

I might be a little concerned about the "Yippee yi yay yippee ya yo" as melodically its pretty similar pitch and rhythm wise to the same lyrics in the old standard "Ghost riders in the Sky". Its over a different chord (you go to F instead of C in Ghost riders) but other than that its pretty much the same. It might be viewed as an homage, but it also might be viewed as infringement. Sorry to be a downer.

LesSampou
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Re: Feedback on new song draft?

Post by LesSampou » Fri Mar 27, 2015 8:56 am

Hey Andy,
How you been? Yes, I am familiar with that Johnny Cash/Outlaws/Blondie/ Concrete Blonde/ Bruce Willis;) cover! We sang it as a lullaby at my house when Dad played old cowboy songs in the kitchen. I suppose it could be seen as an homage to Stan Rogers who probably was "homaging" Bing Crosby back in 1930..but it won't hurt to check out my melody and chords. That said, now a days it's all about the intent and I'd most likely lose. And that said, if the song got enough attention to muster up a suit over six melody notes, I'd say it was a success;). But thanks for your sharp eye and ear, Les

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Re: Feedback on new song draft?

Post by RockChild56 » Fri Mar 27, 2015 2:21 pm

Hey Les,
You forgot Burl Ives and the Knott's Berry Farm commercial.
Why don't you just contact the publisher and ask their view or thoughts. Since you are just using a small piece.

I will say I just read the words and thought of "Ghost Rider's" without hearing your song.

Good Luck to Ya,

EJB
E J Bell

zacnelson
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Re: Feedback on new song draft?

Post by zacnelson » Fri Mar 27, 2015 3:40 pm

I don't think it's just an issue to worry about if your song becomes successful; you will find that music supervisors and libraries are VERY cautious and touchy when it comes to anything remotely liable to be seen as breaching copyright, no matter how subjective it might be. So you will never get past the gatekeepers at the very bottom of the ladder and the song won't have a chance to become successful. I had an issue with a song that was really attractive to various libraries etc but there was a small section that sounded like another song (unintentionally) so I went ahead and completely re-wrote that section.

I personally didn't notice the similarity issue on your song because I had never heard the other songs mentioned by the other forum members, however if I were you I would take careful note of their advice, I'm very grateful that people urged me to change my song because now I can pitch it with more confidence.

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Re: Feedback on new song draft?

Post by TheFates » Fri Mar 27, 2015 4:30 pm

Hello,

Adding to the chorus that it's a great song for film or TV. It's cinematic for sure, playing from a jukebox in a diner scene. Also agreed that the intro should be shortened. The sooner you get to the lyrics, the better.

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