Ready to submit to Michael Buble?

[nylyrics]

Joy:

Nice job and great fit for the listing - certainly reminds me of the ala "haven't met you yet".

I was wondering if it might be stronger to use pro-nouns in the first lines more:
example

It's true beauty that's reflected (its your true beauty thats reflected) or (your true beauty is reflected the way you look in )
When you look in the mirror and love what you see
You find nothing to be corrected
You jump out of bed and you feel pretty

It just seemed in these initial lyric lines you were singing about facts in general vs singing to and about this one person.

Good luck. I agree with John Lewitt's suggestions and also the idea of clearing up the vocal spots that are getting lost.

Andy

[ottlukk]

I made it through the entire song, which means I liked it a lot. My compliments on the vocal, you have an outstanding voice. Ott

[joyfrost]

Ooh these tips are just so awesome!! I'm going to boost the piano up in the mix, add an electric bass to tie it together (that I can do!) and tweak the first line to have a personal pronoun "your" for beauty instead. I'll also try and see how it sounds just with piano! I always shy away from piano vocal demos since my piano playing skills are still so basic that I try to just hide them in the mix because i'm embarrassed that I can't play better yet! I'll post it once i have the changes done I have a good feeling about this!

[joyfrost]

Here is the updated version! I'm so glad I put this up on P2P with some time before the deadline so I could apply the feedback I got. It's due tomorrow now

https://soundcloud.com/joyfrost/you-kno ... ed-version

[funsongs]

Here is the updated version! I'm so glad I put this up on P2P with some time before the deadline so I could apply the feedback I got. It's due tomorrow now

https://soundcloud.com/joyfrost/you-kno ... ed-version

Well done.
Good luck, though I doubt you'll need luck - getting it forward on its own goodness.
Since I'm hearing some blended strings slightly in there (right?)...
had me thinking that if it were mine to produce out for a CD,
I'd incorporate a live string quartet; or at least bring up the cello accompaniment.
Wonderful voice: that's what is going to take you places.

[mikemichnya]

Hey Joy,

Great voice, and nice job on this one. My two cents, for what they're worth.

First, I agree w/the folks who said to go w/a simple piano vocal. I don't think the drums add much, and since it's a demo, you don't want anything distracting from the melody and lyrics. I didn't really hear the bass (I listened about six or seven times on my wife's laptop).

Good change in the first line. The great Ralph Murphy says that the song is really a conversation between the singer and the listener, and you're singing right to her, so may as well make it clear instead of creating distance.

I've heard that the late songwriter Jack Hardy (Jack's Crow's, NYC) used to say the first level of editing is to get rid of all the bullshit filler words, the next level is to edit out the good stuff (good is the enemy of great). That said, I don't think you need the first three lines of the section after the first verse (which I take to be a lift or a climb). They don't really add any useful information, and they're just a little too busy for my taste. (Plus, I'm not sure that most guys notice that kind of stuff anyway.) Something like this (which gets to the chorus quicker):

Your true beauty is reflected
When you look in the mirror and love what you see
You find nothing to be corrected
You jump out of bed and you feel pretty

You don't dress up to impress me (drop the "it")
You just like your hair to frame your face
Like you're a work of art

chorus...

You've got some really nice lyrics in this; I really liked the "complimented...dependent...meant it" rhymes in the second verse. I loved the couplet "your soft skin is tough / you know you're good enough". Cool, very cool.

On the other hand, I wasn't crazy about the lines "you're not afraid to know you're beautiful / on the inside and outside". (I know you're trying to get in the idea that she's as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside, but it didn't sing well to my ear.) I think you could almost go back to something like "Yeah, girl, you know you're beautiful / I love how you let it shine."

Where it broke down for me a little was that second climb:

It's not vanity to know your worth
No there's no need to be insecure
if you love who you are

The last two lines kind of go against what you've said about her earlier - that her beauty is derived from her self-confidence... So it also came across to me as kind of preachy, and not really needed. I think you can re-write it to make it more personal and positive. Something that captures the "you're confident, not conceited" feel of the girl he's singing to. like (and this isn't it):

It's not vanity to know your worth
You're not the type to be insecure
Cause you love who you are

There's a similar problem in the last chorus. You go from "you know you're beautiful" and "you're not afraid to know you're beautiful" in the first two choruses to "Girl, you deserve to know you're beautiful" and "don't be afraid to know you're beautiful" that goes in the opposite direction of the rest of the song. Just go back to the same chorus. You don't need to vary it at the end (it just makes it harder for the singer - they have to remember the changes), and if you do, it should build on what's come before, not contradict it.

I agree that you're in the right ballpark genre-wise, and I think it's got great potential. Whatever you decide, good luck w/it!

[funsongs]

Mike makes some good points.
Is there time to go for the 'perfect' you're aiming for?

[joyfrost]

Michael thank you for your GREAT feedback!! I think you are definitely right about dropping the "it" on the dress it up part. It took me literally 50 takes to get the phrasing on that part right to fit in all the words. Maybe that's a sign I can boost up the bass volume too. I have a bad habit of putting all my piano parts and any programmed instruments really low in the mix because i'm so insecure about my basic playing skills. Gotta get over THAT I tried to do just a piano/vocal demo but at my current playing level I couldn't come up with an accompaniment strong enough to carry the song alone. I'm practicing the piano every day to get better though I'm looking forward to being able to make strong vocal/piano demos in the hopefully near future!

I think I know just how to change the insecure line and the third chorus after reading your tips. You made some very solid points. I wanted to change the lyrics up a bit at the last chorus since the screeners are always hounding me that my songs should have more development at the end. BUT adding to the song and not contradicting it is the goal! I think I have just enough time to tweak it one last time before the deadline! Thank you for not pulling any punches and for giving me some awesome feedback. I want this song to be an A+

Best,
Joy

[joyfrost]

https://soundcloud.com/joyfrost/you-kno ... l-update-3

You Know You're Beautiful

Your true beauty is reflected
When you look in the mirror and love what you see
You find nothing to be corrected
You jump out of bed and you feel pretty

You don't put it on to cover up
You just like the feel of painted lips
Lace on your hips, color on your fingertips
You don't dress up to impress me
You just like your hair to frame your face
Like you're a work of art

It's easy to see you know you're beautiful
You hold your head up high
You're not afraid to know you're beautiful
on the inside and outside
Your soft skin is tough
You know you're good enough
I love the way you know you're beautiful
Oh it makes you beautiful

You love to be complimented
But you're not dependent on what people say
When I said you're lovely
You know i meant it but
You'd have believed it anyway

It's not vanity to know your worth
No you're not even insecure
'Cause you love who you are

CHORUS

Your confidence is like a light in your heart
You're glowing
And your smile is like a light in the dark
From knowing
You're beautiful

Girl you deserve to know you're beautiful
And hold your head up high
You're not afraid to know you're beautiful
On the inside and outside
Your soft skin is tough
You know you're good enough
And I love the way you know you're beautiful
Oh it makes you beautiful, it makes you beautiful

Your true beauty is reflected
When you look in the mirror and love what you see

© Bri'anna Joy Cootey 2015


Here is the final version I submitted. I appreciate all the awesome feedback

[mikemichnya]

You're welcome, Joy. IMHO, your voice is so strong, basic piano would be just fine, and what you played sounded pretty solid, so no worries there. You could always hire someone, or use something like garage band or band in a box. I like what you did with the bridge. Good luck with it ~ I hope you post the result if you get a forward.