made another folkish? song ,...any feedback?

[Paulie]

So much personality in your voice, I love it!

Pass the whiskey!

[nick.moxsom]

I imagine something on the refrain – at 0:57 – some ganged-up melody line. Maybe four voices on the melody plus a third and a fifth. It would add some excitement in there, I reckon.

Nick

[denalihighway]

Don't bogart that whiskey Paulie!

Jimmy this is great stuff. Really engaging performance. Well done man.

My only thing would be add some melody lines of something or other - harmonica perhaps , maybe just more of that cool vocal melody stuff you're doing, or wetter gang VOX over some of the banjo interludes. The banjo sounds really cool.

Just to be overly nitpicky, you could freshen up some of the lyrical ideas , but really, the songs stands up well I think.

I'm getting the Mumford vibe musically alright, but the present VOX push it more traditional folk.

Great work!
Gar

[Piewackit1]

Very original vocals! I think they need a bit of reverb to get to the Mumford and Sons sound...but really great catchy song James.


Jeff

[johnlewitt]

Ditto on the verb to create more space on the vocal. And if you could come up with some background vocals, placed in the distance, it would make it more modern.

Nice job.

John

[JamesCarvalho]

@nick ..i'll have to give that a whirl,,,gang sounds very interesting i never did one should be fun..
i may be doing another mix soon with some help

@gar thanks.. harp? ya that might be fun .. i do like the vocal melody idea.. cool thanks

@jeff and john reverb on vox, good call thanks .. seems to be agreed among the masses

thanks again to all who cared to stop by..
i really love this feedback stuff such great ideas ..
maybe i'll put up some more new musical experiments

[mikemichnya]

Hey Jim,

Cool tune! I'm not an expert on the band, but it sounds like you nailed the Mumford and Sons vibe. I think you've got a fresh, interesting melody here, and your vocal tone and phrasing heightens that, and the banjo is smokin'! Great job.

I'll defer to other's on mix feedback, but I agree with Gar that the lyrics could be a little stronger. My only real objection was with the 'love/above' rhyme in that last verse... It's a bit cliche, and since you didn't rhyme anywhere in the previous corresponding sections, you don't need it.

The other suggestion I have is structural. The short, quiet verses really set up the chorus nicely, but they feel almost too short for that double chorus. I suggest expanding them (double) like you did in the third verse, and the song will still come in under three minutes... I wasn't 'crazy' about the 'crazy/baby' rhyme you had in the first half of the chorus, either. But I think a slight reordering of the lines will solve that, and you're talented enough to make the melody work with the adjustments. There are a few diferent ways that you could do it - something like this :

its about time .. for you, to decide
if i could be the one
if you could see things my way
we would never be alone

(chorus variation one - closest to the original)
i never felt like this before
i got to take you in my arm now baby
i got this feeling down deep in my soul
i got to see you and i won’t take maybe
maybe you want love ..i wanna give it
i want to tell you that you drive me crazy
i’ll never leave you alone
i never wanna be alone without you

you got me now ..i feel love (again, I think you should re-write these first two lines...)
like heaven from above
don’t take this from me
cause i never wanna be alone

(chorus variation two, same as one, but with last two lines reversed)
i never felt like this before
i got to take you in my arms now baby
i got this feeling down deep in my soul
i got to see you and i won’t take maybe
maybe you want love ..i wanna give it
i want to tell you that you drive me crazy
i never wanna be alone without you
i’ll never leave you alone (I actually like the way you sang that third line so much, I thought it should be the last line!)

New bridge (something short - the length of your original verse... maybe even la's or ooh's...)

(chorus variation three: new rhyme scheme - XAAAXBBB)
i never felt like this before
i got to take you in my arm now baby
i got to see you and i won’t take maybe
i want to tell you that you drive me crazy
maybe you want love ..i wanna give it
i got this feeling down deep in my soul
i’ll never leave you alone
i never wanna be alone

smokin' banjo outtro!

Jim, it's a pleasure listening to your stuff. I hope this helps. Good luck, whatever you decide!

[joyfrost]

Don't worry!! You don't have to sing like Andrea Bocelli to have the RIGHT voice for the RIGHT song I thought the tone of your voice totally worked with the song and genre

[JamesCarvalho]

thanks joy, for the kind words..

and WOW thx mike you really went to work, LOL thanks

i needed some time to absorb all that .. lots of great info.
super cool peeps ..i'm still writing more drafts and will remix
the best ones for a promo cd .. for the rally..

thx for all the great feedback

[mobster85]

Nice vocal Jimmy. Definitely need more reverb. Its a really cool Tune and u should be proud of it. Love it Man.