Only A Whisper (ROUGH, Not a production) REVISED!!

[burpo]

Cool track! Very Tom Petty/Wallflowers.

Below are my dopey notes. Please use anything that might be of help.

Bravo, sir!!

-b




Only A Whisper (C. Hurowitz) DO NOT STEAL

(VERSE)
I thought your ghost was gone
I thought the coast was clear
I tried moving on
‘Cos holding on, became much to bear

(CHORUS)
You play in my head like a movie scene
Send chills up my spine like in the coldest winter
Your name leaves my lips and I hear it scream
But it’s only a whisper
Only a whisper

(VERSE)
You always used to say
Everything has a reason why
I kick it 'round my brain
But come up empty, just like this feeling inside

(CHORUS)

(BRIDGE)
I see you in the rear view mirror
Like a car wreck, I can’t look away
I still see you, as you were leaving
I hear your words as they all came crashing ... down

(CHORUS 3)
How you play in my head like a movie scene
Chills up my spine like in the coldest winter
Your name leaves my lips, I hear it scream
Oh you play in my head like a movie scene
Chills up my spine like in the coldest winter
Your name leaves my lips, I hear it scream
But it’s only a whisper
Only a whisper
Only a whisper
Only a whisper
A whisper

[Casey H]

The bridge timing and melody was bad so I stubbed the lyric part out for now... Same link.

Thanks for your comments and feedback!

[burpo]

I think that varying the chorus makes me think that the narrator/singer is really telling me something
sincere and unrehearsed. (even though he does seem to communicate in rhyme. )

[Casey H]

Minor update to track made. I had some wrong Band In A Box chords and 2 missing measures. Totally inconsequential for this rough but a great excuse to bump the thread.

Casey

[Casey H]

This space left intentionally blank.

[shellsings]

My only thing with the chorus, is I thought you didn't need "Scene" but I know it rhymes with Scream. Just sounded like you were forcing the rhyme Idk, but it is ok. and the second line you seemed to try and squeeze in the words in that line. The last chorus, maybe and extra beat or two before the repeat, just sounded rushed.

Overall I really like it though. I would like to hear the bridge sung so I can hear the words in there tho. the last line in bridge seems a little odd. Maybe "your words, they all came crashing" get rid of " As"

(CHORUS)
How you play in my head like a movie scene
Chills up my spine like in the coldest winter
Your name leaves my lips, I hear it scream
But it’s only a whisper
Only a whisper



(BRIDGE)
My mind has a rear view mirror
Like a car wreck I can’t stop watching
The scene as you were leaving
Your words as they all came crashing

(CHORUS 3)
How you play in my head like a movie scene
Chills up my spine like in the coldest winter
Your name leaves my lips, I hear it scream
Oh you play in my head like a movie scene
Chills up my spine like in the coldest winter
Your name leaves my lips, I hear it scream
But it’s only a whisper
Only a whisper
Only a whisper
Only a whisper
A whisper[/quote]

[Casey H]

The last chorus, maybe and extra beat or two before the repeat, just sounded rushed.

Thanks Shell!! Yea, that's just bad performance, I think! Appreciate the feedback!

Casey

[shellsings]

Yeah, it is kind of missing why it is a whisper. Maybe something about the person being far away, or they see them with another person, trying to get them back, or maybe they are letting them go . I would have to go back and re read all the lyrics again. but yeah a hint of something about why

(BRIDGE)
My mind has a rear view mirror
Like a car wreck I can’t stop watching
The scene as you were leaving
Your words as they all came crashing

More questions...

Should the bridge expand on why it's only a whisper? Or is that obvious or do you like the potential beauty in the vagueness? The bridge lyrics I have posted now (not sung on the track) are interesting but I wonder if the missing element is "Why is it only a whisper?"

I thought of changing the hook from "Only A Whisper" to "It May As Well Be A Whisper" which is clearer but maybe too much of a mouthful to fit there.

On the last chorus, should I vary the words on the repeat? Or stick with the old adage, there's beauty in repetition in pop music.

(CHORUS 3)
How you play in my head like a movie scene
Chills up my spine like in the coldest winter
Your name leaves my lips, I hear it scream
Oh you play in my head like a movie scene
Chills up my spine like in the coldest winter (Variation: I struggle to breath as the air gets thinner?)
Your name leaves my lips, I hear it scream
But it’s only a whisper
Only a whisper
Only a whisper
Only a whisper
A whisper

Thanks again! You all rock!

Casey

[Casey H]

Made a few minor changes... Threw a singing (if you could call it that :O ) bridge in.

Got a great suggestion from the lovely and talented Joy Frost to start the chorus with "STILL you play"... Like it and "still" rhymes with "chill".

QUESTIONS
* Is it too unclear why it's only a whisper? I was trying to say that she left and since she can't hear him, it may as well be a whisper. I thought of changing the hook from "Only A Whisper" to "It May As Well Be A Whisper" which is clearer but maybe too much of a mouthful to fit there?

* Does the bridge lyric help clarify why it's only a whisper?

* Does it sound like the set up is that the love interest DIED as opposed to left?

Same link: https://soundcloud.com/caseyh/a-scream- ... er/s-Lz9SZ

(VERSE)
I thought your ghost was gone
I thought the coast was clear
Moving on, I tried my best
‘Cos holding on, was too much to bear

(CHORUS)
Still you play in my head like a movie scene
Chills up my spine like in the coldest winter
Your name leaves my lips, I hear it scream
But it’s only a whisper
Only a whisper

(VERSE)
You always used to say
Everything has a reason why
I search for answers, all in vain
I come up empty like this feeling inside

(CHORUS)

(BRIDGE) I sung this one. More cliché but didn't want to use "scream" again.
Wish you could hear me call your name
And tell me you'll come back again

or

Wish you could hear my silent scream
And turn these nightmares into dreams

(CHORUS 3)
Still you play in my head like a movie scene
Chills up my spine like in the coldest winter
Your name leaves my lips, I hear it scream
Oh you play in my head like a movie scene
Chills up my spine like in the coldest winter
Your name leaves my lips, I hear it scream
But it’s only a whisper
Only a whisper
Only a whisper
Only a whisper
A whisper

[lesmac]

Hi Casey,
Left field Les here What about turning the narration around so the ghost is talking to you
Just change

Still you play in my head like a movie scene
Chills up my spine like the coldest winter
My name leaves your lips, I hear it scream
But it’s only a whisper
Only a whisper

I'd consider dropping "in" from the coldest winter to keep the words more on the beat

for the bridge if you made that shift

(BRIDGE)
And if you could hear me call you
And we talked again
I'd ask you please just set me free
Stop haunting me my ghostly friend.

Thats why its a whisper, its a ghostly whisper.

Just some ideas to confuse