Drive (country/folk-rock work-in-progress)

[dparks]

Hey folks. My first WIP post, so be nice .

A country/folk-rock tune about takin charge. Working out final lyrics (below).

IMPORTANT: I use a synthesized voice to test vocals, melody lines, and general feel. This will be replaced with a real singer once lyrics are final.

https://soundcloud.com/dann_parks/drive ... n-progress

So, any song with a reference to cars has a potential to be retro/cliché. I’m hoping this can break through some of that with a fun, spirited performance, with attitude and a bit of tongue-in-cheek. But is that enough, or do the lyrics need more...?

This style is not exactly my forte, but it popped into my head, so I had to put it down. See what ya think.

Thanks for listening and comments.


Drive (wt)
Copyright 2016 D Parks

(Verse 1)
Wakin up to a new sensation
I’m standin on my own two feet
Got a new set a wheels and some motivation
This time I'm looking out for me.

(Chorus tease)
Cause the road can take us anywhere we wanna go
So hold on tight cause I’m not goin slow
And we can take a ride...
But I'm gonna drive

(music interlude)

(Verse 2)
I gotta shake it up - try headin in a new direction
Cause I’ve been down that road before
Too many uphill climbs - and detour signs
This time I’m holdin out for more

(Bridge)
Cause all my life I’m sittin in the back seat
Watchin the world go by
Now I’m gonna take the wheel
And I’m not lookin back

(Chorus)
So don’t... Take it slow
Don’t take it easy
Just make it last all night

Just take a chance
Embrace the feeling
And watch the dawning light

The road can take us anywhere we wanna go
So hold on tight cause I’m not goin slow
And we can take a ride...
But I'm gonna drive

(longer music interlude)

(Verse 3)
So I’m fired up - I got no hesitations
I’m not afraid to go too fast
The brakes are off - and no more expectations
This time I’m not gettin passed

(Bridge)
Cause all my life I'm sittin in the back seat
Watchin the world pass me by
Now I’m gonna take the wheel
And I’m not lookin back

(Chorus)
So don’t... Take it slow
Don’t take it easy
We’ll make it last all night

We’ll take a chance
Embrace the feeling
And watch the dawning light

The road can take us anywhere we wanna go
Just hold on tight cause I’m not goin slow
And we can take a ride...
This time I'm gonna drive

I’m gonna drive
I wanna drive

[mikemichnya]

Hey DP,

I love the music. Very cool stuff going on. (And the voice was kinda funny.) But I agree that the lyrics need a little somethin' more... specifically:

1) "some Buick's" (as the poet Peter Murphy has said) . As it is, there aren't really any strong images to pull the listener in, and too many of the lyrics are either cliche or 'speed bumps.'

2) consistent point of view. For example, your verses imply that the singer is on his/her own, but the chorus refers to "we" and "us"... It's confusing... and worse, it sounds a little whiny. It might be stronger if you put it in third person instead of first person:

Verse:
She's wakin up to a new sensation
standin on her own two feet
Got a new set a wheels and some motivation
This time she's really free.

She's gonna take a chance
Embrace the feeling
And watch the dawning light

Chorus
Cause the road can take HER anywhere SHE wants to go
SHE'S holding tight cause SHE'S not goin slow
SHE'S gonna drive
SHE'S gonna drive

Or second person:

You're wakin up to a new sensation
standin on your own two feet
Got a new set a wheels and some motivation
This time you're really free...

Chorus
Cause the road can take YOU anywhere YOU wanna go
So hold on tight cause YOU'RE not goin slow
Take a ride...
YOU'RE gonna drive

3) a more familiar structure. I'm not sure what a 'chorus tease' is. Country is a genre that has a really high bar, and having a common structure is critical. According to Ralph Murphy's website, country favors second form (verse, chorus, verse, chorus, instrumental, chorus, out), third form (verse, chorus, verse, chorus, bridge, chorus, out) or fourth form (verse, pre-chorus, chorus, verse, pre-chorus, chorus, bridge, (optional pre-chorus) chorus, out). You have the bones of fourth form, with a little tweak, if you think of your chorus 'tease' as the actual chorus, and consider the two three line sections before your second and third chorus as pre-chorus. (You could do something different in each pre-chorus, otherwise, it starts to sound like a long chorus.) Something like this could work (assuming you clean up the shifting point of view and other stuff):

(Verse 1)
Wakin up to a new sensation
I’m standin on my own two feet
Got a new set a wheels and some motivation
This time I'm looking out for me.

Pre-chorus
So take a chance (who? the singer? or someone else?)
Embrace the feeling
And watch the dawning light

Chorus
Cause the road can take us anywhere we wanna go (us? we? who else is in this story?)
So hold on tight cause I’m not goin slow
And we can take a ride...
But I'm gonna drive

(Verse 2)
I gotta shake it up - try headin in a new direction
Cause I’ve been down that road before (what road?)
Too many uphill climbs - and detour signs
This time I’m holdin out for more (more what?)

Pre-Chorus
So don’t... Take it slow
Don’t take it easy
Just make it last all night (make what last all night?)

Chorus
The road can take us anywhere we wanna go
So hold on tight cause I’m not goin slow
And we can take a ride...
But I'm gonna drive

Bridge:
Cause all my life I'm sittin in the back seat (I like this image!)
Watchin the world pass me by
Now I’m gonna take the wheel
And I’m not lookin back

Chorus
The road can take us anywhere we wanna go
Just hold on tight cause I’m not goin slow
And we can take a ride...
This time I'm gonna drive

I’m gonna drive
I wanna drive


DP, it's as gentle as I can be. Take a look at some recent country road songs like "I Got A Car" or "Highway 20 Ride" or "Red Dirt Road" or any of a dozen great country 'road tunes' to see what you're up against. Then start re-writing until the lyrics are as strong as the melody and the music.

Best of luck with it! I hope this helps & I'll be curious to hear how it turns out.

[dparks]

Thank you Michael for such a thoughtful and detailed evaluation. Creating "visual" lyrics is my major challenge, and although I still see the song in first-person, your restructuring ideas are intriguing. And I appreciate your definitions of the different country structures, and comments on point-of-view. It will undergo some changes and I'll probably post a more complete version when it's ready. Thanks again, and thanks to all Taxi members on the forums.