Feedback said I needed a stronger chorus

[TFarrell]

I am a new member and this is probably my 5th submission. The feedback said I needed a stronger chorus, now I'm 2nd guessing everything. I would appreciate some feedback to see if I nailed it or if I'm headed in the right direction. The song is titled "24"

original version - https://soundcloud.com/levitemusic/2420a/s-o7Yxb

updated stronger chorus version - https://soundcloud.com/levitemusic/24a/s-yOxlL

[nicotina]

yes, the chorus sounds much stronger on the 2nd one. You needed to clearly make it more defined and separate from the verse- I think you did that.

Great tune! Clever lyric idea too.

Vince

[cosmicdolphin]

I think it's comparing apples with oranges.

The new one doesn't sound much different than the original on first listen, it's still very much in the same ballpark.

The verse feels fairly monotone so I think you need to contrast that in the chorus with a much more interesting melody.

If it was me I'd probably just figure it out on piano or guitar.. whatever your main instrument ...and try coming up with three different Chorus' and just record a quick demo of each one ... even if it's just into your phone for speed , then pick the best one to fully work up.

Other times I've had a chorus sat around to another unfinished song which fitted perfectly with a little tweaking so it might be worth checking out your own material.

Mark

[TFarrell]

Thanks Vince and Mark for taking the time to give feedback. Gonna keep working to get better, especially with my melodies. Thanks again Mark for the suggestions.

[Susanstunes]

I feel like the second one is better for sure! Maybe a melody that is longer than the verses and/or completely different rhythm and more arcing melody in the chorus.... I don't know it's tough to stay in the groove of the song and yet give it more interest in the chorus. It is a great lyric concept I think! Keep working it!

http://www.taxi.com/susanhillman
http://www.soundcloud.com/susanhillman

[Len911]

great song! the song was tagged edm and dance. the structure wasn't AB, it was more AABAA, more of a ballad imo.

[melodymessiah]

i can only hear cosmetic changes. what the screener probably meant was that the chorus needs a rewrite to contrast more with the rest. since the verses have rather short and choppy notes, i would try starting the chorus with a longer and higher pitched note that really contrasts, and take it from there.

[feaker66]

Hi Great sound. Yes, the chorus sounds just like the verse mainly because of the cadence. You need many more words pounding at you there. Pretty easy fix. also spike some higher notes. good luck

Paul