IT HURTS

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irwin
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IT HURTS

Postby irwin » Sat May 12, 2018 10:51 am

This is My 4th and final rewrite of this song. All set to be demo. If any one can see any mistakes that I have made in this lyric I am asking for you to kindly point it out. I am also open for collaboration (if interesting PM me)

IT HURTS
©2018 - 2018 IRWIN ABRIGO

(VERSE 1)
Plan to live, my whole life through
With me and you, you said you’d wanted that too
When we met, I had wanted
A love to-be devoted
Snow is falling, I’m at home
It is cold, I’m alone
Against my window, there’s a storm
And it’s coming, on strong...

(CHORUS)
Outside, I can hear the sound
Of the wind, blowing
Wishing you were here
Lying in my bed, I’m pretending
Just to think, you’re not here...
It hurts!

(VERSE 2)
Never ask you, for too much
Only your touch, how can you make me feel sad?
I need your, hugs and kisses
You know you’re all that I had?
I dim the lights, through the night
And this is, wishful thinking
Like the wind that blows, through my door
I hope, you’ll come walking....


(CHORUS)
Outside, I can hear the sound
Of the wind, blowing
Wishing you, were here
Lying-in my bed, I’m pretending
Just to think, you’re not here....
It hurts

(BRIDGE)
Just to think, that you’d leave
Is what I can’t believe...
You left me with a broken heart...

You left me with a broken heart...

You left me with a BROKEN HEART...


(CHROUS)
Outside, I can hear the sound
Of the wind, blowing
Wishing you, were here
Lying-in my bed, I’m pretending
Just to think, you’re not here...
It... Hurts...
JER
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Re: IT HURTS

Postby JER » Fri May 25, 2018 11:46 pm

I realize you haven't asked for suggestions on the lyrics, but I hope you dont mind if I give one anyway.

My suggestion for the 2nd line: "You with me, and with with you" so that it would read

Plan to live, my whole life through
You with me, and me with you
you said you’d wanted that too (feels like it needs an extra sylable maybe?)

(perhaps it doesn't work with the song metre or music, or theme though).
Jeremy Dutton
irwin
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Re: IT HURTS

Postby irwin » Thu Jun 07, 2018 8:37 am

Hi Jur,

I've been reading your suggestion and I want you to know that I am still considering it for it is a good one. I do have a melody for this lyric but if I can hear someone else melody idea that would be wonderful.

Thank you for taking time to read my song lyric and giving a suggestion

Irwin

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