Too long? Please help (Structure only)

[Casey H]

Verses are 16 bars and chorus 8 bars, how can the chorus be too short?

As I said, I'm not sure where your chorus actually starts and ends, which to itself is a problem. I asked if the time markers I posted were the chorus and if you could post the lyrics with the sections labeled.

Best
Casey

[LoBellver]

The verses have no crashes, so the moment a crash is heard is when the chorus starts.

Chorus is:

I was like you,
Lost in the rain,
And I found a way for
Getting rid of what's left.

[Casey H]

The verses have no crashes, so the moment a crash is heard is when the chorus starts.

Chorus is:

I was like you,
Lost in the rain,
And I found a way for
Getting rid of what's left.

It feels incomplete like it needs to be 2x as long. Doesn't resolve. I'm not counting measures, going by what I hear and feel. It also doesn't stand out as chorus. Melody and rhythm for the chorus are just too similar to the verse.

Give thought to the fact that you had to identify chorus start and end by telling me about the crashes. That tells you something.

As I said, what you have could be a really good hook. But it needs to feel complete and stand out musically and lyrically. Musically it doesn't resolve and lyrically it ends on "getting rid of what's left" which isn't memorable, is awkward, and without reading the whole lyric sheet, I can't even tell how it relates to the rest of the words. How does that relate to being lost in the rain?

I'm only one opinion. All comments meant in the spirit of helpfulness.

Best,
Casey

[LoBellver]

A. Lonely heart, what is left?
Sure you can count on me.
So please,
Don't be afraid, come with me.
Together we will fight the pain.

Ch. I was like you,
Lost in the rain,
And I found a way for
getting rid of what's left.

B. Broken soul, what is left?
I will become your friend.
So please,
Don't despair, it ain't the end.
Together we will find our path again.

Ch. I was like you,
Lost in the rain,
And I found a way for
getting rid of what's left.

Br. Life is long yet short, my friend.
The price to pay is to die in the end.
Friends to make and family to gain,
Your life is great, make good use of your time,
be the one, don't be vain.

Solo.

Ch. I was like you,
Lost in the rain,
And I found a way for
getting rid of what's left.

Ch. I was like you,
Lost in the rain,
And I found a way for
getting rid of what's left.

Ch. I was like you,
Lost in the rain,
And I found a way for
getting rid of what's left.

[LoBellver]

The crash is the way to show you the exact moment it starts. The chords are not all the same in the chorus, the bass is more active and the drums change and do more stuff (not only crashes).

What do you mean by resolve?

[Casey H]

Hi Lo
I'll bow out for a while and see what other opinions you get. I don't want to dominate the thread with just MY feedback.

One thing you could do to get a professional opinion is submit your song for a Taxi custom review ($20). I have found these to be incredible helpful. If you do this, make sure you include a list of questions including what your goal is for the song (Film/TV, pitch to artists, pitch yourself as a artist, etc.) ... The reviewer is usually very detailed- lyrics, melody, recording, marketability, etc.

Best
Casey