A Little Song about Excess. Any Thoughts Appreciated

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Patrick
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A Little Song about Excess. Any Thoughts Appreciated

Post by Patrick » Mon May 20, 2019 8:16 pm

Out of Luck

Well so far I've never done what you told me to
But baby i want you
I'd follow you all the way to the Sun

I look back on all the days that I've done you wrong
Can we just get along
So sorry for all the things I've become

You don't have to say it
Cause i already know

(Chorus)

I smoke too much, I drink too much
I lie too much, I cheat too much
I love ya too much, I love ya too much (ooh yeah)
I'm on the street I'm out of luck

I think back through all those years that you stood by me
But i will never be
The leading man who wins your heart

So all i can do is hope that you don't leave me
Stranded all alone
Finding a place to make a new start

You don't have to say it
Cause I already know

(Chorus)

(Guitar solo)

fade...

(I will post this little ditty in the Peer to Peer section when i get it taped. I envisioned the song as a Punk effort, but my brother keeps telling me it's a Country song! Go figure!)
Bad art can make you laugh
Good art can make you think
Great art can destroy you

- Me

(Did he just quote himself?? Yes! Yes I did!)

mwb2
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Re: A Little Song about Excess. Any Thoughts Appreciated

Post by mwb2 » Tue Jun 11, 2019 1:01 pm

Funny that your brother says country - I guess I assumed it was country too until you said otherwise!

It flows nicely and seems like it sings well. The only comment I really have is that I get the general story but some is a little fuzzy for me. One question is, are you together or not? You're on the street but she also stood by you - is she not anymore? I'm thinking she's gone now but it's not totally clear. And the thing she "doesn't have to say," is it that she cares about you anyway or that she's moved on and is mad (can't we just get along)? And does she still have any feelings or are you dead to her? etc. Basically, I'm enjoying what's here and want to know more.

I also liked how it opened w/ a bit of a twist - I almost wish this were played up more too in less expected ways. We all know we shouldn't smoke too much, but also this guy never did get the girl (I think). So he didn't do the things we're "supposed" to, but also didn't do the things he truly should have. I wish there was a little more on this second group, maybe more specific to these people's relationship (not just don't cheat, don't smoke etc).
Mike

soundcloud.com/mwb2
instagram.com/mikekrishton

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