The Shallow Returns!

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Shalee
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The Shallow Returns!

Post by Shalee » Mon Oct 28, 2019 5:40 pm

Hey everyone,
So today's forwards were... interesting. Some really great tracks.. others were a little left of field. Even the ones we seemed to like the most didn't 100% fit the listing criteria.

660 songs submitted, 16 forwarded. I'd really love to see what other people did with this listing, in comparison to the forwards. So first up, here's my track. My return was for the following reason (in the "other" box): You did a good job developing the vocal in a haunting tone but the lyric and topline need stronger hook appeal as well a melodic style that's infectious and connects emotionally.

the song can be found here: https://soundcloud.com/shalee-jade-gherbaz/ache

Looking forward to hearing your tracks!

Shalee

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Darling Child returned by 309

Post by rosannaangela » Mon Oct 28, 2019 6:55 pm

Hi Shalee!

Nice track! Funny you mentioned the screener number during the chat haha. I went back to my submission and found that yup... I also got returned by 309.

Anyway... my track is called Darling Child, I don’t have anywhere else to put it so it’s here on www.taxi.com/rosannaangela

Listening to my 3 favorites from the episode (Blame, Let Me Go, and Maybe I Should Go Away), I do realize that my submission does lack something. Tried fixing it but I’m still drawing a blank, apart from shortening it.

309’s comments for my track were also under Others: You have room to strengthen your hook appeal as well as enhance the song emotionally. Your song doesn't have a dark enough mood or a lyric that could set the intent of the scene.

Cheers! See you at the rally.

-Rosanna

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Re: The Shallow Returns!

Post by CTWF » Tue Oct 29, 2019 4:30 am

Shalee wrote:
Mon Oct 28, 2019 5:40 pm
You did a good job developing the vocal in a haunting tone but the lyric and topline need stronger hook appeal as well a melodic style that's infectious and connects emotionally.
Hi Shalee

Great song! Maybe they missed the most emotional performance of the chorus from 2:36 onwards? Or, vice versa, maybe the track should have gone straight to this version of the chorus (in the screener's opinion)? Not sure.

Tom
https://soundcloud.com/ctwf My sh1t is straight FIRE! d;-o

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Re: The Shallow Returns!

Post by cassmcentee » Tue Oct 29, 2019 5:23 am

Cool tune Shalee!
My ears tell me...
Re: Mix Need to cut the first second or two of silence...
I'm hearing a bunch of "pops", assuming some of the vocals haven't been edited with crossfades or fades in & out... (Mainly in the opening lines)
The doubled vocal line sounds great but because they aren't exactly matching eachother from the beginning they sound too loose...
Great quality to your voice!
One caveat... the trill in your voice from 0:46 to 0:48 harkens back to pre 1930's singing styles... not hearing it much in music these days
Personally I would re-track any section like that and smooth it out...
Guitar sounds Great!
Thanks for sharing!
Cass
P.S. I never really heard the word "Ache" because of the heavy "eN" preceding (sounds like "Nake") tough one to pull off, would have to approach the "an" much lighter and emphasize the A of
Ache a bit more...

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Re: The Shallow Returns!

Post by RPaul » Tue Oct 29, 2019 4:54 pm

My submission for this was a song I wrote and recorded specifically for the opportunity called "Steel". An updated recording and lyrics can be found at:

https://rickpaul.bandcamp.com/track/steel

I submitted two different recordings for the opportunity. One was an earlier version of the recording above. It did not yet have drums or organ, and it's possible the mix may have been slightly different in other areas, though probably not hugely. I just ran out of time to finish the version at the link by the deadline. The other was a guitars/vocal-only mix, in case the note in the listing about the guitar-vocal was what they literally wanted ("Shallow" obviously had a lot more in it than that, though it also started out guitar-vocal, so I was trying to build a bit, as well).

The rejection on my (sort of) full mix version read: "Your song doesn't come close enough to a mood or vibe that works for the listing or spot. Your song needs to be a little more haunting and depressing emotionally." For the guitars/vocal-only version, it was similar: "Your song isn't close enough to depressing or showcases a mood and vibe that's haunting enough to the set intent of the scene we're targeting." Both versions had "Other" checked as the high-level reason for return.

Once I'd submitted the recordings, only a little under the wire, I went back to the first work demo I made of the song, more or less to see how far the recording had come. That demo was just my playing virtual guitar with a raw take of the vocal, and I got concerned at that point on the "depressing" front as the feel of the guitars ended up getting a lot more upbeat as I moved forward on the recording. In particular, the work demo had 8th note patterns on the guitar instead of 16th note patterns. Listening to the forwarded songs yesterday, I also noted that most of the vocals were drenched in reverb, and I wondered if doing that might have helped somewhat on the "haunting" part of the return.

My strategy on writing this song took into account that the character was female, but my recording would have a male singer (i.e. me). In particular, I thought it might feel out of place to have a male singer voicing thoughts that might be attributed to the character by virtue of the story and scene. Thus, I wanted to make the song be more like in the voice of a friend who is encouraging the character to summon up strength she didn't know she had. However, even though the song is in the second person, I tried to make it somewhat ambiguous in the sense that the singer could also be trying to convince himself or at least encouraging the woman based on his own past experience.

Rick

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Re: The Shallow Returns!

Post by Shalee » Wed Nov 13, 2019 12:18 pm

cassmcentee wrote:
Tue Oct 29, 2019 5:23 am
Cool tune Shalee!
My ears tell me...
Re: Mix Need to cut the first second or two of silence...
I'm hearing a bunch of "pops", assuming some of the vocals haven't been edited with crossfades or fades in & out... (Mainly in the opening lines)
The doubled vocal line sounds great but because they aren't exactly matching eachother from the beginning they sound too loose...
Great quality to your voice!
One caveat... the trill in your voice from 0:46 to 0:48 harkens back to pre 1930's singing styles... not hearing it much in music these days
Personally I would re-track any section like that and smooth it out...
Guitar sounds Great!
Thanks for sharing!
Cass
P.S. I never really heard the word "Ache" because of the heavy "eN" preceding (sounds like "Nake") tough one to pull off, would have to approach the "an" much lighter and emphasize the A of
Ache a bit more...
Hey! Thanks for the detailed feedback. I'll pass it on to the producer. And yes, even my vocal coach has been getting stuck into me regarding the enunciation, so I've been working on it!

Thanks again
Shalee

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