I'm feeling a little isolated in my silo today.

[wendylanders]

Hi guys!

I'm going stir-crazy writing a song today, so I thought I'd share, just to try to get some perspective.


Gleaning Truth

Verse 1:

The candle prayed beside me
Ministering to my needs
Wondering why I stared
Its secrets hidden from me

The candle’s missive scrawled
Cascading down my wall
Of conversation left behind
In perpetual rewind

Chorus:

My vision spoke of pain
With such authority
It’s simple point was
To mystify me

Not everyone gleans Truth
Picking embers off the wall
Expecting some kind of power
To transform us all

Verse 2:

Pushing against midnight
The illusion had no reply
Chasing away the dark
It’s flames took flight

What happened to the answer
Strung like a banner?
The candle’s comfort disappeared
While flickering through my fears

Chorus (variation):

My vision spoke of pain
With such authority
It’s simple point was
To terrorize me

(repeat)
Not everyone gleans Truth
Picking embers off the wall
Expecting some kind of power
To transform us all

--------------------------------------------

Thanks for "listening!"

Wendy Landers

[melodymessiah]

well...in all its elusive vagueness it looks more like a poem than a song lyric to me. no problem if you're just gonna sing it yourself of course, but i doubt if it's very pitchable, particularly to artists. what comes to my mind is chapter 13 in pat and pete luboffs book 101 songwriting wrongs and how to right them (the case of the mysterious message)

[wendylanders]

Hi Melodymessiah,

OK, I got the book so I could follow what you were saying.

And I LOVE the song that they use as a BAD example in Chapter 13! I totally get their example song, instead of wondering what it's about. So, my problem is figuring out what makes their example vague. --Maybe if the "characters" in their song had names? Maybe if their transition from one personality into another were detailed in a verse? ---I'll let it go. But you see what I mean?

My vagueness is not intentional, although I guess it could be.

Posting my lyrics was a good idea! Getting some input will help in the vague department.

There's a bit of Chapter eight going on too: a little too much philosophy. T.S. Elliot's "Objective correlative" would probably be helpful here. Meaning, "show, don't tell."

And, since I'm quoting T.S.Elliot, I'll be reading Chapter 27 next, A Poem is a Poem is a Poem (Not a Lyric).

Thanks,

Wendy Landers

[melodymessiah]

i think the best way to avoid being too vague and poetic, is to simply write more like how you would normally talk to somebody

[wendylanders]

Yeah, and not sound like I'm talking to myself in a phone booth!

[cosmicdolphin]

i think the best way to avoid being too vague and poetic

Yep. I tend to see it a lot more in folks who purely write lyrics too having spent years on various collab sites.

Maybe when you're writing/playing music at the same time as coming up with the lyrics there's just not enough brain power to get too fancy with the words.

[wendylanders]

Hi Cosmicdolphin,

I was thinking along those lines this afternoon, although I have to say, I was writing the lyrics first because I didn't have the brain cells to do both at the same time! Maybe when you're playing an instrument it's easier to visualize an audience? When you're just writing, it's like a diary entry.

In the past, I had a pen pal I would write to often, so it was easier to visualize talking to a person while writing back then.

Best!

Wendy Landers

[NMN]

I personally like these lyrics because they make me think. I think just the 'glean truth' and 'ministering' phrases would be hard to make work with song lyrics.

[irthlingz]

The candle’s comfort disappeared

seems wrong, because at this point, I don't get that the candle is bringing comfort. In the first line, about ministering to my needs, that seems to be there, but it quickly turns in a different, mystifying and painful direction.

===
Michael

[songmaster]

Poets have the freedom to be vague. Songwriter don't. I often listen to songs on Youtube, but I don't watch the artist video,I watch the lyric video. It really helps me to understand how to communicate in a simple form and get the message across. We are all on that journey, so pack a lunch

Tom