Experiment No.2

[Picardster]

Hi Fellow Passengers,
this is inspired by the post of Cameloide who turned the critique-signalchain around. Very interesting results if the listeners are unbiased. Cheers for all the comments. I learned and would like to try the same with this listing and my song:

I'd be glad if you took the seat of the screener and tell me your opinion about my tune We're Flying High for the following listing:

S210512AC CURRENT-Sounding POP BALLADS with Male, Female, or Duet Vocals are needed by a Music Licensing Company with a long and impressive list of great placements in Film, TV, and Commercials.

Obviously the link to the listing only works when I'm logged-in. So I add the reference tracks here:

If the World Was Ending
Thinking Out Loud by Ed Sheeran
All of Me by John Legend

Cheers in advance for your help

BTW: I'll post the screener-critique after the comments

[KennyWayneBuffalo]

I like the vibe of this. There is one line that just doesn't seem to fit in it, though: "And the moment you leave my longing is right coming back" It has too many words/beats and loses the vibe there for me. Well done.

[Cameloide]

Ha! Yeah the feedback from my experiment definitely helped for the remix. I like a lot of what you got going on. I think the lyrics work. Intro is pretty cool, one small little thing would be check and see if the acoustic is a little ahead when the 1st kick hits (the intro fill), if so maybe line that acoustic fill up so it's right in the pocket with the drum fill to make that opening statement feel a little sweeter. Seems like the verb may be a little too much on some things, like the hi hat (mainly i notice it distracting me a bit on the chorus) & acoustic. I like some of the synth sounds you're using, helps give it a bit of that modern sound. The vocal is nice, but it probably doesn't quite fit into current pop genre, doesn't sound youthful enough...hard to fake that unfortunately. With a more youthful voice and delivery and a few mix tweaks I think it could make the cut if another similar brief comes down the pike.

[Picardster]

Cheers for your comments so far. Very interesting, indeed. I'm very grateful.

Please give me another day before I disclose the Taxi-Screeners comments

[Picardster]

Please give me another day before I disclose the Taxi-Screeners comments

It possibly was a forward.

BTW, the listing's link does not work, so we don't have the refs.

Tom

Cheers Tom, it works when I'm logged in. I'll add the three reference links to the original post now - for all new readers.

[AlanHall]

Hello Stefan,
I do like the track; playful and relaxed, at first I thought of Michael Franks when I started listening. Not a bad thing!

1. Your track may have more 'ear candy' than the refs. Does that distract from the vocal and message?
2. The chorus should really come in soaring above the register you used for the verse. More differentiation, a bit of tone painting, and that modern 'edge' that I hear in the refs. The chorus may be a bit too laid back in this case, as 'behind the downbeat' = 'less energy' when the chorus really needs to push ahead. Come in with pickup notes to anticipate and land strong on the downbeat ? Also, the chorus could repeat the title on lines one and three; making room for poetic amplification on the alternating lines rather than repeat the title on all four lines.
3. Maybe niggling here, but on the word 'shine' (last word, second line) you drop down and give a little vibrato 'wiggle'. There are other instances too. That particular vocal ornament struck me as more Perry Como than John Legend, but that could be my problem.

[eeoo]

I suspect it'll get dinged for not sounding contemporary. Didn't listen to the ref tracks so maybe I'm off base but I'm not getting contemporary from it.

[Picardster]

First of all: a huge THANKS to all of you who commented here and who helped me a bit to understand what was going on with the screener

This was the first time ever that I composed a song with one of the refs as a pattern. I took Ed Sheeran. The tempo and the basic construction. I think even the key.

Then I thought lets take the strumming pattern that Ed likes (and I also do), make it very relaxed and easy - and try to sound contemporary.
I seem to have failed Sh*t happens.

....and I was soooo sure

Parts of not sounding contemporary might be my voice - another part the mix with less fresh air than required.....frankly I am very cautious with frequencies over 6-7K, since they can overexpose sibilance and stuff, which I don't like that much.

Talking about the drums: its a drum machine and not one of the drummers I favorite. But the tempo of the song itself is not stiff. So, apart from other things, I'll add natural drums.

Being an old bloke who wanted to enter that "contemporary" world, I seem to have missed the junction


So, and finally here is what the screener wrote:

What I like most about this song
I like the overall vibe!
I think you could improve this song by
Consider adding many more musical instruments to your arrangement to help bring it to life. Currently, your choruses have a lot of empty space. Fill it up with counter-melodies.
I returned or forwarded this song because
The song doesn't match the modern style of the references.


I still don't understand the remark regarding the additional instruments btw.
Regarding the chorus, the screener's remark shows he hasn't listened to the last chorus. I thought I'd bring it up slowly and added ad libs to this one, instead of overfilling all chorusses with them. But hey, nobody is perfect.

I like the way, tunes are reviewed, unbiased by the screener.

Cheers again