POSSIBLE POP SUBMISSION (FIRST SONG WITH SD3).

[swdaze]

Who am I fooling "possible" submission....

Hi guys some of you will recognize the tune and know the back story the rest it's no big deal. Basically between a return and some friendly advice I upgraded my drum game to SD3 (love it!!! Thank you!!!). I also got more serious about listening to Top 40 radio to try and break out of my "tired 80's production".
List of changes:
New drum track of course.
New bass line though not happy about the sound.
All new keyboard/piano tracks, I was embarrassed at how many bad notes I found.
I changed the patch and EQ'd the piano but all other sounds are ones I haven't used before.
Rewrote/recorded new verses.

Still needs EQ, especially the drums and will have Tim lay down a proper guitar track but my questions are;

Does it sound "modern" or at least more modern?
Are the snare fills over the top?
Any other comments?

Thanks, Geo

***LINK UPDATED****


WHEN WILL I SEE YOU AGAIN

https://www.taxi.com/members/kFrx_Q6OQc ... -you-again


Original song if you're curious
SWEET OBSESSION

https://www.taxi.com/members/kFrx_Q6OQc ... -obsession

[Zaychi]

The synth sound starting at 0:20 SCREAMS "dated"... drum at 1:22 does so again... sorry...

[swdaze]

The synth sound starting at 0:20 SCREAMS "dated"... drum at 1:22 does so again... sorry...

OK one sound and one loop away. Thanks for the listen,

Geo

[swdaze]

Listened to it 50 times or so, took a break (work) and came back to it.

Reworked solo section and tightened up the rhythm section..... will address keyboard sound and drum loop tomorrow...

Bed.

Geo

[swdaze]

The synth sound starting at 0:20 SCREAMS "dated"... drum at 1:22 does so again... sorry...

Swapped in some Clavs (planning on trying a guitar riff, a simple, slightly dirty repeating strum/picking thing) and dropped the drum loop.

Comments?

Geo

[irthlingz]

Just monitoring this for my own education. But, as long as I'm here ...

Lyrically, I like the way the verses lead into the chorus. ("promise to wait until ... I see",
"can't wait until ... I see")

Wondering whether some of the lyrics might sound dated, e.g. "for you my heart yearns"

===
Michael

[swdaze]

Just monitoring this for my own education. But, as long as I'm here ...

Lyrically, I like the way the verses lead into the chorus. ("promise to wait until ... I see",
"can't wait until ... I see")

Wondering whether some of the lyrics might sound dated, e.g. "for you my heart yearns"

===
Michael

Agreed, working on a rewrite of the first half of verses 1 & 2. Considered "for you my heart burns" there but quickly scrapped it!

I used that little lyrical trick in another song and got great feedback from a screener for it. Unfortunately no forward...

Thanks, Geo

[swdaze]

Hey guys did some more edits....

Cut the tails on the vocals after the chorus
Reworked the solo section. BTW I realize the whole "flute in POP" thing doesn't traditionally work but am leaving it in until I can book a session with my guitarist. And I like it.
Went over all the tracks making changes as needed.

Going to give it a rest until we lay down final guitar/lead vocal tracks lotta other stuff to work on.

I'll post the screener comments when they come in. The previous screener checked these boxes:

Melody could be stronger
Instrumentation feels stiff or over-quantized
Song instrument sounds or samples sound dated or of a lower quality

So really hoping for improvement there.

Peace, Geo

[Casey H]

Hey Geo
It's a really catchy song with a killer hook. The chorus sounds familiar to me. That could be because it reminds me of a known song or I've heard yours a number of times before.

Nothing about this sounds contemporary. It's not just production, it's everything about it-- melody, etc. Also, your own vocal doesn't cut it. If it were mine, given that it's such a strong song, I would have it produced 100% 80's style with the right vocalist. I think that's where it would shine. As you know, in Film/TV, if a song isn't contemporary, being authentic to a given time period works well too.

Maybe you can find a collaborator on this forum who can do that production as a co-write, WFH, or combo. Drop me a PM and we can exchange email addresses if you want to discuss more. I would love to see this song get produced in a way that it lands in a good library and gets pitched for Film/TV.

Best regards,
Casey

[swdaze]

Hey Geo
It's a really catchy song with a killer hook. The chorus sounds familiar to me. That could be because it reminds me of a known song or I've heard yours a number of times before.

Nothing about this sounds contemporary. It's not just production, it's everything about it-- melody, etc. Also, your own vocal doesn't cut it. If it were mine, given that it's such a strong song, I would have it produced 100% 80's style with the right vocalist. I think that's where it would shine. As you know, in Film/TV, if a song isn't contemporary, being authentic to a given time period works well too.

Maybe you can find a collaborator on this forum who can do that production as a co-write, WFH, or combo. Drop me a PM and we can exchange email addresses if you want to discuss more. I would love to see this song get produced in a way that it lands in a good library and gets pitched for Film/TV.

Best regards,
Casey

Thanks for the listen Casey. Tried the collab thing once already, set up a dropbox sent a song and never heard from the guy again. It's worked out great.

PM sent.

Geo