When should I submit this?

[JaredAbrams]

Hey all,
Quick question. Is this song worth submitting and if so, what kind of request should I submit it to. I’m having a hard time figuring out what to look out for. I wrote it when I lost a loved one.

https://youtu.be/ajbdH05Hpl0

Thanks!

[feaker66]

Not sure but it's dang good. A chorus coming in around one minute might be important in some circles

[funsongs]

Not sure but it's dang good. A chorus coming in around one minute might be important in some circles

Agreeing with Mr. Feak here... good one.
Regarding getting to the Chorus earlier: cutting the Intro in half would help, without having to change the structure.
These days, seems anything without lyrics happening after the first 7-10 seconds is 'too long of a wait".
The 2nd part, which gets repeated makes it seem like it's a Pre-Chorus.
2 cents from The Peanut Gallery.
Well done, Jared.

EDIT: oops - didn't really answer your question:
IMHO - if you cut the Intro, and sounds like it would fit well on a playlist with the references, and in line with the listing specs;
then it's probably worth the $5 try.

[AlanHall]

What was said +1
Not really in response to what you asked, but I thought I'd offer: the pad sounds (B3, strings, etc) seem a bit loud to me, and sometimes mask the voice (right around the 1 min mark is where it feels unbalanced to me). When you take the vocals up, the balance is better.

[cosmicdolphin]

It's a good song but some of the arrangement elements make it sound a bit dated...the low pad..the drums....have a listen to some contemporary singer songwriter tracks and note what they are doing.

[Casey H]

Very sorry for your loss. This song is obviously very personal to you.

There's no answer to "when should I submit this?" for any song since it depends on the brief.

I think it would be a better song with a significant re-write. Lyrically there are good ideas but MHO is it would be better to be less direct and use imagery to paint the picture of what you are feeling, more "show me, don't tell me". At times it feels like the lyrics are a bit forced to the melody. You do a good job of building it late in the song (around 1:30) but you need to do that much sooner. Get to a memorable chorus much sooner, some say under a minute but under 45 secs even better. At times earlier in the song, I wasn't sure if the hook was "A Long Way To Go" or "Always Here". It starts off more like the latter.

Think about that line "Feelings I can't describe". That's EXACTLY what you need to do, describe them. Bad example: "There's a hole in my heart" says more than "I miss you".

I can't really comment on the production and it depends on what the listing is looking for. I think there are pitchy spots in your vocal.

One of the hardest songs to rewrite and be objective about can be one that's deeply personal to you. If you are open to it, I would would be willing to work on it with you, but you'd have to be willing to accept major surgery. And I can't promise anything, I'd just give it a shot.

Best,
Casey

[JaredAbrams]

First of all, Thank you all for giving such great feedback. It's awesome to be able to get that outside viewpoint.

It's a good song but some of the arrangement elements make it sound a bit dated...the low pad..the drums....have a listen to some contemporary singer songwriter tracks and note what they are doing.

In regards to this do you feel on a rewrite that I should be going for a more singer / songwriter feel. I've struggled to pick a genre that this one fits into. Is it pop? is it rock? is it alt ... pop / rock? and given the content of loss does it even make sense to write in those genres. I think your comment got me thinking that maybe singer / songwriter might be the better approach.

Not really in response to what you asked, but I thought I'd offer: the pad sounds (B3, strings, etc) seem a bit loud to me, and sometimes mask the voice (right around the 1 min mark is where it feels unbalanced to me). When you take the vocals up, the balance is better.

On a rewrite I would most likely strip out those pads.

Very sorry for your loss. This song is obviously very personal to you.

Thank You. I appreciate the sentiment.

One of the hardest songs to rewrite and be objective about can be one that's deeply personal to you. If you are open to it, I would would be willing to work on it with you, but you'd have to be willing to accept major surgery. And I can't promise anything, I'd just give it a shot.

I'm always up for rewrites and collabs. My goals would be to get the length down to 3:30 and I think that taking a singer / songwriter approach might make more sense than what I currently have. My big issue is that I am not a singer, I hired that singer. But I can definitely get my melody across, albeit in a rough sounding way.

So that being said, Thanks again for all the comments, I will definitely keep them all in mind when I do a rewrite.

[Casey H]

Hey Jared
It all starts with the SONG. MHO is the production and vocal are putting the cart before the horse. Once the SONG is there, you can work on producing, getting a vocalist, etc. I find this is common problem where songwriters rush to production, even pay $500-$1000 for a demo sometimes! , before crafting the song.

The problem here isn't that you can't sing, at least not right now. You need to put that out of your mind and address the songwriting. I'd be happy to help. If you'd like to talk more, drop me a PM.

Best,
Casey

[cassmcentee]

My ears tell me the vocal should be up an Octave

[karafinman]

You should submit this for a listing for a lost love or a loss due to Covid, if those still exist. It's very good.