Would this work as a wedding song for a sync placement?

[Paulie]

I just listened to the latest version you posted. Taking notes as I listen:

The intro is a little jarring, maybe add one bar of piano at the very beginning?
I would also save the strings for later.
Piano sounds too loud to me, and I'm a huge fan of Noire. Let the vocal be more intimate, maybe some more simple comping underneath during the first verse, half notes instead of quarter notes, and maybe a little rubato to make it sound more human.

Also agree with CD, the augmented chord is out of place. I wouldn't call it "augmented", because the 5th is not being raised; if the root was an Ab you would be correct, but it's an F minor chord with a major seventh, not an Ab aug chord. If you want to keep that harmonic tension, I suggest only playing the E natural for one beat instead of four, use it as a leading tone to F. A full measure of that tension (to me) removes some of the intimacy of the song.

The short string swells sound unnatural to me, and I would put the strings further back in the mix.

I think a longer pause at 2:07 would have more emotional impact.

The high pitch (bell?) at the end is a little shrill, I suggest dropping it way down in the mix, (and I say this as someone who's hearing above 10k is almost non-existent.

Overall I think this is a wonderful piece of writing, but not yet ready for the aforementioned high bar for vocals in the sync business. I think this could be an excellent song for stage use, it sounds very broadway Andrew Lloyd Webber, and the vocal delivery reminds me a little bit of "All I Ask Of You."

[Casey H]

Forgetting production, it could use some songwriting restructuring. It plods along never resting on a hook line. Every time I expect one, it goes back to the "my commitment to you" section. That section might be replaced by a catchy hook line, the tune has to "land somewhere". The bridge is the best part. I'd lose that first 10 secs of vocal with the commitment thing and open the vocal with verse. The word "commitment" isn't working well, clunky... I think "promise" or "vow" are stronger and more romantic. At 35 secs, resolve to a hook line. 00:56-1:10 post-chorus and back to hook line. 1:52 end bridge with hook line. Then maybe another verse and hook line. Lyrics would need some tweaking and if possible, less cliche (not easy for a wedding song but try). If you come up with a title/hook like I described above such as "I Promise You", "My Vow To You", it could work.

Listen to the Peter, Paul & Mary wedding song, "There Is Love", and how it has that resolution with the hook line. Not suggesting stealing that, just demonstrating the concept.
https://youtu.be/FV0H4J3cFRs

HTH
Casey

[MJLeeman]

Thanks very much Paulie and Casey for your comments, which amount to pretty much the sort of concise feedback which I find helpful and relevant in the sense that the advice is educational for me at my present stage.

I am much obliged, and appreciate the feedback, and I will put your specific suggestions into practice, some with regards to the current track and others generally for future tracks as well.

Re Pauly's comment about the song being possibly in a stage musical type of genre, FWIW I am currently compiling a group of such material in different styles (I have been interested in this format for quite a while), though I am not sure whether such music is adaptable to sync music and/or whether there is much demand for it from Taxi's clients. Suffice to say that I very much like the overall creative process.

Cheers
Michael