Any feedback on this return much appreciated

[rtundo]

This is my first post on the forum. I have been a Taxi member for over a year but have been silently taking in all that Taxi provides and feel that I'm now at level to submit songs and use the reviewers and Taxi members to improve as I go until submissions hopefully begin (fingers crossed)

The return was from httpshttps://www.taxi.com/listings/S231210SU

The song I submitted is here:https://www.taxi.com/members/kOaf6PixRc ... at-you-see

The return states:

What I like most about this song:
I really like the intricate acoustic pulse and soulful vocal performance here.

I think you could improve this song by:
However, I do think that a more mainstream and modern blend of melodic singer songwriter content would help to better boost its overall marketability per this particular pitch.

I returned or forwarded this song because:
This is cool however this is missing that more modern singer songwriter aesthetic per this particular request.

I don't have any issue with the review, and I realize that a song needed to replace a temporary hold song in a movie in post-production sets an even higher bar for me. I'm just looking to up my game as I go and enjoy the journey!

[johnnyrowing]

The link didn't work for me.

[rtundo]

Hi Johnny. Thanks for the reply. Sorry trying to figure out the forum details as I go. Hopefully the link works now. (I made the song and my profile public). If not I'll keep trying!

Also hopefully here:https://www.taxi.com/members/kOaf6PixRc ... at-you-see

[rtundo]

Telefunkin
Thanks for the input.

I don't know if the hook got lost in the lyrics themselves or lost in the production.

I agree that it takes awhile to get to 2:48 but the lyrics kinda lead you there. I guess it's a matter of trial and error. Another issue is that I slowed the tempo of the song to match the example in the listing as it is intended to replace temporary song in post-production. The song was originally written at a higher bpm thus a 4:10 sec song resulted. Original:https://www.taxi.com/members/kOaf6PixRc ... -see-demo-

New link to listing (fingers crossed): https://www.taxi.com/listings/S231210SU

Thanks for taking the time to listen!

[rtundo]

My overall goal is to see what I can do in the present to bring this song to a higher level then file it in my library and move on to the next song. I guess the two things that I would like to explore.

1. Did the hook get lost in production or the lyrics themselves?
https://www.taxi.com/members/kOaf6PixRc ... at-you-see

"Knowin' What You See"

I’m Happy That I’ve Come To Know
A Person Whose Heart Is Full Of Gold
But It Does Not Show Its Shine
Cause It’s Sheltered Deep Behind
Thick Walls Of Stone
Cold Walls Of Stone

Your Life’s Been Tough That I Know
With Let Downs Long Struggles Dreams On Hold
But You Made It To A Place
Where There’s A Hand You Can Embrace
That Won’t Let Go
I Won’t Let Go

Can You Paint Me Your Life’s Portrait Of The World That You Dream?
All The Colors And The Textures That Your Mind Can See
I’ll Find An Easel You Mix Your Colors
Grab A Paintbrush Or Two
Mix Lots Of Reds And Lots Of Blues
You Can Hang It In A Frame With A Nail Up On The Wall
Or Send It To An Art Museum (Original lyrics: Or Send It To The Met Or The Louvre)

I Wanna See What It Is You See
And Feel What It Is You Feel
And Then You’ll See A Better Part Of Me
Knowin’ What You See

Your Future Looks Quite Bright To Me
Start By Wearing Your Heart Upon Your Sleeve
And Then Learn To Wear It Well
Maybe Open Up And Tell
Just What You Need
What You Believe

Can You Whisper It In Words?
Can You Sing It In A Verse?
If It’s Hard To Say Can You Show It In Your Eyes?
Maybe Fly It From A Plane
On A Banner With Your Name
Across The Sky
High In The Sky
Try To Send It In A Text Or Post It By Express
Or IM Me With Some Chatspeak And A Smile

I Wanna See What It Is You See
And Feel What It Is You Feel
And Then You’ll See A Better Part Of Me
Knowin’ What You See
And Then You’ll See A Better Part Of Me
Knowin’ What You See

2. The reviewer stated "I do think that a more mainstream and modern blend of melodic singer songwriter content would help to better boost its overall marketability per this particular pitch."
Hard to know what this means as it comes down to a "vibe" which I have to develop in the production of my songs. At least that's my sense.

[rtundo]

The song in the listing was a difficult song structure to dissect (at least for me). Instead of mulling over the listing I'm going over my song structure, rethinking it with your comments in mind as I agree it takes too long to get to an emotional build-up. Also I think I built up a "pre-chorus" and landed back down in the chorus. DOH!

I didn't copy/paste James Arthur lyrics as I'm not sure if that's a copyright no-no.


MODERN SINGER/SONGWRITER SONGS with Male Vocals are needed for an (up to) $1,000, Direct-to-Music Supervisor placement in an upcoming Independent Feature Film that's currently in post-production!

Note: You'll get 100% of the sync fee, and keep 100% of your publishing and master rights. No publishing splits.

This Music Supervisor is on the hunt for Songs with Male vocals that could work as a replacement for "Say You Won't Let Go" by James Arthur, which is currently temped in:

"Say You Won't Let Go" by James Arthur

They're NOT looking for clones or soundalikes! Similar tempo, style, and overall vibe? Yes. Clones? No!

Quoting the Music Supervisor: "We need a Singer/Songwriter feel. Male vocals, organic instrumentation, but full of heart and soul. More uplifting than total devastation, with the glimmer of hope."

[johnnyrowing]

I'd be interested in someone's structural analysis on this song.

I'd be prone to identify "Just say you won't let go" (especially as it is the Title of the song). However, it doesn't come into 1:11. That's pretty late for a chorus. Is it a chorus tag/post-chorus. As it is the title the highest part of the song, etc. I just think it is a late chorus. But . . . if not.

If so then, the melody "Then you smiled over your shoulder . . . " at :31 could be thought of as kind of chorus.

It's tough for me to analyze too. The structure feels pretty non-normative.

Any structure geniuses out there? Casey?

Johnny

Rtundo,
The melody and phrasing in the track feels like THE EXAMPLE for modern phrasing. Lots of little syncopations and lines that run into each other. The production on the vocals changes in different sections of the song, etc. I'd say adding more of those elements into your track would help. You also identified that your chorus doesn't quite "lift".

I'm needing to work on many of these things too. Thanks for sharing your track both for your improvement and possible conversation for us all to learn/benefit.

Best to you,
Johnny

[AlanHall]

MODERN SINGER/SONGWRITER SONGS with Male Vocals are needed...

Thanks for including the text of the listing. As you found, once the listing closes the direct link no longer works.

[rtundo]

Johnny,
You're spot on with what I was thinking. That's why I thought my song fit well as far as the "loose" structure goes and as well as a similar topic/vibe including But slowing down the BPMs to fit the requested tempo made the first part of my song drag and increased the length to 4:10.. Also my emphasis - bringing in the strings, increased percussion etc built to quickly in what I refer to as the pre-chorus and dropped quickly going into the hook/chorus (Making the second pre-chorus the focus of the song). I'm reworking the song by emphasizing/expanding the hook/chorus and better using the lengthy pre-choruses as bridges to begin the ramp up to highlight the chorus instead of hiding it. Thanks for your post. Glad you're interested. I really appreciate when people take time to share knowledge and experience with each other. Anytime you want input or want to bounce an idea feel free to contact me! I'll post the results when I have it reworked. (I was listening to some of your songs, and I really like them.)
Bob

[rtundo]

Johnny,
You're spot on with what I was thinking. That's why I thought my song fit well as far as the "loose" structure goes and as well as a similar topic/vibe including But slowing down the BPMs to fit the requested tempo made the first part of my song drag and increased the length to 4:10.. Also my emphasis - bringing in the strings, increased percussion etc built to quickly in what I refer to as the pre-chorus and dropped quickly going into the hook/chorus (Making the second pre-chorus the focus of the song). I'm reworking the song by emphasizing/expanding the hook/chorus and better using the lengthy pre-choruses as bridges to begin the ramp up to highlight the chorus instead of hiding it. Thanks for your post. Glad you're interested. I really appreciate when people take time to share knowledge and experience with each other. Anytime you want input or want to bounce an idea feel free to contact me! I'll post the results when I have it reworked. (I was listening to some of your songs, and I really like them.)
Bob