I Boast In The Cross

[dtrainddog]

Hi,

I wrote the lyric and Brent was kind enough to collaborate with me his vocals and production. I'm looking for any feedback on this Southern Gospel song.

Listen to I Boast In The Cross by Darin Martin on #SoundCloud
https://on.soundcloud.com/WUvkR

(V1)
I can’t claim the victory You’ve already won
I won’t take the glory for all that You’ve done
I don’t want to do things to get man’s praise
I’d rather testify of Your love and grace

(Chorus)
I boast in nothing but the old rugged cross
It's where You died to pay the debt my sin cost
Everthing I gained I count as lost
After all You’ve done for me, I boast in the cross

(V2)
At the foot of the cross is where I got saved
A way was made for me with an empty grave
On Calvary's hill through Your hands and feet
You were nailed to the cross to set me free

(Repeat Chorus)

(Bridge)
The world will only see me just as I am
You see me covered by the blood of the lamb

(Repeat Chorus)

[AlanHall]

Darin,
Thanks for sharing this song, and putting it out there (or, 'here') for critique. A couple things in no particular order:
1. The lyrics as sung are much better than what's printed in the thread and on the soundcloud page. Be sure to update the written version to be correct.
2. There are a few places where a gap - an extra measure or so - will make the flow of the song feel more natural. The end of the bridge is one of those places.
3. The chord changes at the end of line 3 in each verse sounds forced, and does not sound to me to support the melody. I think that overall, a simpler chord chart would avoid overshadowing the lyrics.
4. I'm not a lyricist or a top-liner, so take this with a grain of salt - on first listen, the melody line seems a bit repetitive. Writing out each phrase might reveal opportunities to improve the shape of the melody.
5. Maybe a click or two slower?

As a person who plays regularly in a praise band, I can hear how it might sound with a fleshed-out arrangement. It is very close to some of the contemporary songs that I hear. Nice work!

-Alan

[Casey H]

Hey Darin, Long time no speak! Is that Brent I. that you are collaborating with here? Nice to see.

I agree with Allen on that chord change. I'm not sure it's even needed but what's there sounds odd. And yea, please update the lyrics on SC. I didn't care for the word "it" after "won" on the first line. Kills the rhyme and awkward. I don't think it's needed. "My sin cost" seemed a little clunky to me as well. Can you restructure that line? Maybe "blah blah blah what my sins cost"? "Blah blah blah" can be about the debt.

What is your goal for the song? To sing in church? Pitch for sync? Right now it sounds very demo-ish, not like a production. This is not at all my genre, grain of salt. But if you are thinking sync, my guess would be songs this specific on religion might be a very tough sell. And it would need a polished production and better vocal. My limited knowledge of the CCM genre is the songs are not so overt, much more subtle. But if your goal is to sing in church, it would work fine.

Best of luck!
Casey

[dtrainddog]

Thank you both for the detailed critique. I'll have to update the correct lyric and see if we cnman change the chords. My goal with the song is to get it cut by a gospel group.