Return because a word in the lyrics...

[WSAO]

From:
‘Cause there’s always a precipice
a first look, a first word, a first kiss
and there’s nothing going on
until there is

to:

I'm on the edge of the abyss
a first look, a first word, a first kiss
and there’s nothing going on
until there is


Keep syour rhyming scheme intact and your lyrical inten

Thanks, mate!
That would be a good simple fix, with the same structure and rhyme, but would they complain about the word "abyss"?
Well, I did a research and there are 2,507 lyrics matching precipice
and 18,171 lyrics matching abyss according to www.lyrics.com.
So abyss is definitely more popular than precipice.

[Casey H]

I disagree with "abyss". When it comes to pop music, keep it simple and conversational. Ask yourself, "How would 2 young people today speak?". Your song had a cool Lewis Capaldi feel so I suggest you look at his song lyrics. His are heavier than with other pop artists but still, I'd be careful not to go too cerebral. I think what you were trying to say had to do with danger or similar. Sometimes it's best to just say it!

Best,
Casey

[cosmicdolphin]

That would be a good simple fix, with the same structure and rhyme, but would they complain about the word "abyss"?

Interesting stats on lyric word usage. I think it works well if you don't want to re-write all the other lines. Plus it's an easier word to sing than precipice which is a bit of a mouthful.

Whether or not they would still complain who knows, I mean I didn't have any problem with it myself.

[BradleyHagen]

@WSAO - You guys and gals have sooooo many great tracks (I am a fan!), that I don't really want to chime in here - but I personally tend to avoid these types of listings, because as Casey pointed out - the bar is SO high, and everything is SO subjective. Although "precipice" is a mouthful to sing, maybe it works in your song? The problem is, that it probably will NOT work for another artist, and maybe this time the screener was correct?

[Casey H]

@WSAO - You guys and gals have sooooo many great tracks (I am a fan!), that I don't really want to chime in here - but I personally tend to avoid these types of listings, because as Casey pointed out - the bar is SO high, and everything is SO subjective. Although "precipice" is a mouthful to sing, maybe it works in your song? The problem is, that it probably will NOT work for another artist, and maybe this time the screener was correct?

Just clarifying. I have said that the bar is ultra high for these types of listings to help people understand why they might get returned on a submission. I never said it was "SO subjective". Of course, different screeners, clients, publishers, etc. will have different opinions- they are human. However, the majority of things are not subjective at all. A title/hook, "Precipice", is a show-stopper 99% (or more) of the time.

Casey

[BradleyHagen]

@WSAO - You guys and gals have sooooo many great tracks (I am a fan!), that I don't really want to chime in here - but I personally tend to avoid these types of listings, because as Casey pointed out - the bar is SO high, and everything is SO subjective. Although "precipice" is a mouthful to sing, maybe it works in your song? The problem is, that it probably will NOT work for another artist, and maybe this time the screener was correct?

Just clarifying. I have said that the bar is ultra high for these types of listings to help people understand why they might get returned on a submission. I never said it was "SO subjective". Of course, different screeners, clients, publishers, etc. will have different opinions- they are human. However, the majority of things are not subjective at all. A title/hook, "Precipice", is a show-stopper 99% (or more) of the time.

Casey

Come on Casey!! Just let me put words in your mouth already!! lol

[BradleyHagen]

Chocolatey and delicious ya know!!