Advice for Pop Cue

[GaryShaffer]

Hey All,

I am trying to expand my reach and would love any feedback on a modern pop cue I am working on for a Dispatch brief.

Here's the listing:
Lots of MODERN POP INSTRUMENTALS are needed by a very successful boutique Music Library that has tons of credits in Big Films, Countless TV Shows, and Commercials!

IMPORTANT NOTE FROM THE LIBRARY: "Many composers throw in way too many ideas and are not focused on ONE CENTRAL MOTIF - they try to keep things interesting by adding new harmonic lines and elements (melodies, even improvisations, etc.), instead of focusing on the productions and textures." Put simply, keep it SIMPLE! We know that other Libraries like to receive music with complementary A and B sections, but this Library is NOT one of them – stick with ONE CENTRAL MOTIF per submission please!

This is the reference: https://www.dropbox.com/scl/fo/3e5ahkfy ... 88axq&dl=0


Here's my song:
https://s.disco.ac/zjdshztasevb

Any and all advice is welcome here. Thanks very much!

Gary Shaffer

[RealPickle]

Hi Gary,

So the opening lick hooked me in. It's catchy, it sounds like a lot of modern pop, etc. (You *might* consider an edgier/grittier sound for the melodic part, but that's a nitpick)

However, as the track progresses it sounds more and more like a tension cue. The pulsing synth at :09 starts it (both the rhythm, sound, and harmonic ideas all scream tension). Then the hihat, the countermelody at :26, the softer middle section. Basically everything in this track except the opening melody and drums sounds like tension to me.

I like the track but, for me, it's not pop right now.

[telefunkin]

Hmmm... I'm a bit confused by this one. The good thing is that you've clearly studied the structure of the ref track and how there are subtle additions to the recipe every few bars. Well done on that. However, there are a few things that don't quite work for me ....
- the main synth marimba doesn't have the quality of the ref track.
- the bass line in 5ths seems as if its in a different key to the marimba.
- the mood of the track doesn't come across at all as pop.
- even the title doesn't suggest pop, but suggests it was written as investigative tension.
Therefore, I agree with a lot of what RealPickle said.

[GaryShaffer]

Thank you very much for the thoughtful feedback. I really appreciate you all taking the time. I agree with the thought that this really went off the rails and became a tension piece. I started enjoying the sounds so much that I lost sight of the target.

Thanks again. It's very kind of you to listen and share your thoughts.

Best,

Gary Shaffer