Feedback OF ANY AND ALL KIND requested

[wild1man1chris]

What can I do this make this... whatever. Song? BETTER?
https://www.taxi.com/members/4Qz664B1SJ ... you-think-
The song is "WAR in the City", and I got the hook lines in this, but I am waiting to record the rest of the vocals.

I need some feedback, please. Anything!

[johnnyrowing]

Wild Man,
Nice to hear a new track from you. This track has lots of energy. I like it.

Your "hook line" and delivery is very unique and I am digging it. I'm genuinely excited to hear what you add to the lyrics and topline.

Possible Improvements
Delete FX
I worry VERY MUCH about the FX (sirens - helicopter - crowd screams - etc.) that are in the tune . . . assuming - of course . . . that the end use is for TV/Film. It does sell the "war" theme. I fear it would limit potential usage of the track because it pretty much puts it one scene rather than letting the editor fill in the blanks as needed.

Intro - Related to FX
Consider deleting the bomb drop at the top.

Track Length
Unless the topline adds TONS to the track, I'd try to whittle back the length. We get the idea long before the track actually ends.

The Break
Again, this might depend on what you add to this section but right owl the "doves/owls" are a bit too oddball for my tastes. The chambering of the bullets is cool though. Ha!


Closing
I hope this gives you something helpful to chew on, as you advance your work.

Johnny

[wild1man1chris]

Thank you Alot for the feedback. I am thinking once the vocals are added the FX and the dove will make sense, but we shall see. I am just dying to get the vocals recorded. The emotion of the vocals is my prime focus. If I can make you feel the emotion then that is 90% of the battle. After that it is vital to make the vocals melodic, pleasant to the ear.

The long ending will contain a eulogy, during which I speak the final words and conclusion to the song itself.
Here it is. https://youtube.com/shorts/DniVj4IELtk It is to start at 3:37 of the musical track

I look forward to seeing you at the rally this year.