Confessions of a really good amateur

[trentoliphant]

This is going to be a long post, but I'm just trying to work out some thoughts in my own head, so bear with me if you want.About 4 years ago, I had the opportunity to play a professional gig playing in the band (keyboards) accompanying Michael Ball as he gave a concert here in Salt Lake. It was my first true professional gig (as opposed to semi-pro - getting paid but not a professional level production). A friend of mine who I had done some semi-pro stuff with recommended me. I thought I was ready. I took a couple of days off work to attend the rehearsals and show. The first day of rehearsal was absolutely awful. One of the keyboards I had arranged for the other keyboardist wasn't working, the second one we rented didn't work completely so we had to track down another one - resulting in lost rehearsal time with the Music Director. He was very gracious, but I could tell he was not happy. I was extremely overwhelmed. Besides that - there are plenty of better piano players than me. As I was driving with my wife to the evening rehearsal after having gone to pick up the replacement keyboard, I broke down into tears. I said to my wife - "I guess I would rather be a really good amateur, than a professional". The performance went fine and I'm sure that the audience didn't know it, but I didn't feel my playing was quite up to snuff.I realized that I wasn't ready to be a professional in that regard (playing live). I know that I could get there, but I feel that I "burned some bridges" because I wasn't really ready to be there.Fast forward to today. I joined TAXI a few months ago, and thought I was ready to have my music forwarded and people would absolutely go crazy over it and I'd be able to quit my job and write music full time. (Sound familiar to anyone?). Just as then, there are times when I am trying to do something for a TAXI submission when I fell like breaking down and crying because I am just not ready to go to the next level - from really good amateur to professional. I have so much to learn and sometimes not much patience with myself.However, unlike the first time when I messed up some future chances because I wasn't really ready, the TAXI screening process doesn't allow that to happen. From everything I understand, my chances of future forwards are not at all ruined by sending something that is not professional. In addition, the critiques help me know what areas I need to improve in. (At least in theory, for some reason I have only submitted to YES/NO listings so far - so I haven't yet received a critique). The forum here is another way of improving.How I wish that I had someone back then that could tell me - you aren't quite ready to do that yet because of this, this, and this. Work on those and you will be able to do this at the next level.Maybe this is just a really long way of saying that I am so glad that I found TAXI - even if I'm not really ready to have my work forwarded yet. In many ways it allows me to get the kind of education about the music business that I wish I could have gotten at school. If nothing else, at least I know that I still need to improve.Just this week, I created an accompaniment for a local theater. I had to do it very quickly and even though they think it is absolutely great - I know that there are things that I need to do to take it to the next level. I'm not sure I know how to do that yet, but just the recognition is a step in the right direction. I am starting to see my own progress and even if it isn't happening as fast as I would like - it is happening.It's actually very refreshing (yet frustrating) to have something that I have to really work to achieve. Thanks to all on the forums and especially to Michael for having a company with the attitude that creates an environment to actually BECOME professional - not just to weed out those who aren't.Trent

[hummingbird]

This is SUCH a great post Trent. I ABSOLUTELY am walking the same path as you. IMO this is what people MISS about Taxi - that it actually GROOMS you to BECOME a PLAYER. Enough caps?? LOL. I KNOW I'm a better songwriter & producer today because of my Taxi membership, and there is no doubt in my mind that this investment is going to pay off for me if I am willing to listen, work, & produce. It takes a lot of courage to admit where we are... and then stay determined to find out what we need to know to get to the next level - and DO it.It's actually very refreshing (yet frustrating) to have something that I have to really work to achieve. Thanks to all on the forums and especially to Michael for having a company with the attitude that creates an environment to actually BECOME professional - not just to weed out those who aren't.Couldn't have said it better myself. And I'm so very grateful for this forum, which allows me to communicate & network with other musicians, singers & producers who are walking the same path and struggling with the same issues. Kudos!!!!Hummin'bird

[ciskokidd]

Hey Trent,I feel from reading your post that you have found the attitude that will get you there in due time. We all have our moments of feeling frustration and despair at out situation, and I for one empathize completely.I have my own stories to tell, let me tell ya. The great folks at TAXI and all the folks here on the forum are like personal coaches running you through the paces and getting you prepared to go into the ring.Keep on working that bag and soon you will be PROFESSIONAL!!We're in your corner!All the best,Cisco

[chrisbee]

Wow Trent, what a great post. First off, let me say congrats on the theater accompaniment thing! Not everything that happens (or tune we write) will "change the world", but the big ones and small ones all add up to a successful career. Don't sell yourself short - congratulations!I know that refreshing yet frustrating feelin you're talking about. There was a day, many years ago, when I realized kinda what you did about not being ready - for me it was a realization that I had wasted all the years from about 16 to 26 not pursuing excellence at my craft. I took it for granted and I was good enough to work in bands locally. I was always "the little brother", playing with musicians who were all older than me. And I believed my own press - all my friends thought I was great, so I believed I was. HA! They were wrong. I had reached "mediocre". Well, at 26 I finally woke up - I realized how many years I had not been practicing, not pushing to learn, not treating this gift I had with respect and investing serious time and concentrated effort into developing it. I just excepted it to happen.It was at that point that I turned the corner you did. I saw, seriously, for the first time the job I had in front of me. I realized it would take me YEARS to get where I wanted to go - years. Starting the long walk towards my dream from there made me feel like as you describe - refreshed and more peaceful because I KNEW I was on the right road finally, but frustrated that I wasted the all the years before and frustrated that I now HAD to be patient. But the big thing was that I was on the right road!! You can't get where you want to go unless you are. Truthfully, most musicians and artists never come to the realization that you have. They never wake up, therefore they don't ever reach the rather amorphous goals they dream.Not coincidentally, soon after this mental change happened to me, opportunities started coming - or maybe I was finally in a mind-space where I could see them!! I had my first few songs published. The "deals" I was getting were really small, but it was uncharted territory for anyone I hung around with! Being on a record as a writer - and I'm not paying for the record?? Wow... It was not "amateur" anymore. However, the money wasn't enough to live on. That just reinforced that this would be a long road and I need to start walking... Oh yea, and be patient.The patience and hard work have begun to pay off for me now, years later. My music is used almost every day on tv. That's still somewhat amazing to me... Because I know I've got a million things still to learn to become better at this.It'll happen - be patient, work your a$$ off for it and oh yea... this is the music business... be patient, bro. cb

[tedsingingfox]

yeah, Trent. BRILLIANT post.You've got the right attitude and outlook for this to all come together for you. In TIME. That's the hardest part to remember...it takes time.But there's also one thing I came to realize... There's NO WAY I could've gotten to where I am now (about 8-10 forwards and my first official deal with contracts just signed yesterday) if I hadn't made every stumble and hesitation and wrong choice down the crooked path that brought me to this point.Many years ago, living in Nashville (when I was about 25), I was offered a position as a staff writer for a small independent publishing house. Because I am a GENIUS, I turned it down and moved to New England...for LOVE. 10 years later, I was in Denver, newly divorced and waiting tables at Denny's.Only recently, I've come to accept the fact that if I HAD achieved any level of success back then, I would've NEVER been mature enough to handle it, and more than likely it would've all gone up my nose.Now, I'm ready to learn and grow and move forward from here. Sounds to me like that painful memory from your past has turned into a great learning tool and motivator. That's proof enough for me that you're on your way, walking YOUR path.I'd say that deserves a big wooHOO! And a congrats, too."Keep your arms and feet inside the ride at all times...""Smart" will ALWAYS triumph over "Rich" or "Beautiful" (and besides, if you're smart, you can MAKE yourself rich and beautiful!!! )Ted