Psychopath

[inga]

I wrote this while listening to Youtube
Sham Idrees & Karter Zaher "Can't stop the lover."


Psychopath

On the outside she looks ok
Inside different story, broken
Scratch surface slightly, it's lurkin'
She's the punch bag for the demon

When he's drunk he likes to beat her
Fists, feet, headbutts, he uses everything
Pleasure trip for him, he's big man
He doesn't back down when she's begging

When sober no escape there either
His blows so hard he'll be killer
She walks around him on eggshells
It doesn't stop his red hot temper

music

When sober no escape there either
His blows so hard he'll be killer
She walks around him on eggshells
It doesn't stop his red hot temper

On the outside she looks ok
Inside different story, broken
Scratch surface slightly, it's lurkin'
She's the punch bag for the demon
He's blooming and she's dyin'

chorus
Leave me and I'll kill you he assures
And there's total madnes in his eyes
Dead if you run, dead if you don't
For him name psychopath applies

© inga armstrong 2012
--------------------------
Forged Signature X

[LooknGlass]

Interesting lyric and I enjoyed reading it. What genre of music did you have in mind? If I knew it would make it easier to critique. Thanks for sharing.

[inga]

Youtube: Sham Idrees & Karter Zaher "Can't stop the lover."

[simonsays]

Hi Inga,
I have some spare time, so I thought I'd add my two cents worth.
Steve (aka, SimonSays)

I wrote this while listening to Youtube
Sham Idrees & Karter Zaher "Can't stop the lover."


Psychopath [The title stands out. It's easy to remember, and not wishy washy. ]

On the outside she looks ok [How can she possibly look OK on the out side ... after he beats her with "Fists, feet, headbutts ... everything" ??]
Inside different story, broken
Scratch surface slightly, it's lurkin'
She's the punch bag for the demon

When he's drunk he likes to beat her
Fists, feet, headbutts, he uses everything
Pleasure trip for him, he's big man
He doesn't back down when she's begging

When sober no escape there either
His blows so hard he('ll be) killer [He will be a killer? Or "he might kill her"]
She walks around him on eggshells
It doesn't stop his red hot temper

music

When sober no escape there either
His blows so hard he'll be killer
She walks around him on eggshells
It doesn't stop his red hot temper

On the outside she looks ok
Inside different story, broken
Scratch surface slightly, it's lurkin'
She's the punch bag for the demon
He's blooming and she's dyin'

chorus
Leave me and I'll kill you he assures [The placement of the chorus at the end, and that there's just one chorus, confuses me. That, and I guess I was expecting you to work with the title more in your rhyme scheme.(see below in green ... for what I mean).Too Seussian?] Eyes and applies aren't anywhere near as memorable as psychopath IMO. I also noticed that you use the same rhyme scheme as in your verses, and don't differentiate with the number of lines.
And there's total madnes in his eyes
Dead if you run, dead if you don't
For him name psychopath applies

© inga armstrong 2012
--------------------------
Forged Signature X

He's a psychopath
his smile's a mask
you can't escape his wrath
anticipate his next attack
he's a psycho
a psychopath

[simonsays]

Ok Inga, I just saw how I might have made a mistake with your labeling.
Is it formatted like this?

Verse
Verse
Chorus
(music)
Chorus
Bridge
Chorus
Verse

I wrote this while listening to Youtube
Sham Idrees & Karter Zaher "Can't stop the lover."


Psychopath

On the outside she looks ok
Inside different story, broken
Scratch surface slightly, it's lurkin'
She's the punch bag for the demon

When he's drunk he likes to beat her
Fists, feet, headbutts, he uses everything
Pleasure trip for him, he's big man
He doesn't back down when she's begging

When sober no escape there either
His blows so hard he'll be killer
She walks around him on eggshells
It doesn't stop his red hot temper

music

When sober no escape there either
His blows so hard he'll be killer
She walks around him on eggshells
It doesn't stop his red hot temper

On the outside she looks ok
Inside different story, broken
Scratch surface slightly, it's lurkin'
She's the punch bag for the demon
He's blooming and she's dyin'

chorus
Leave me and I'll kill you he assures
And there's total madnes in his eyes
Dead if you run, dead if you don't
For him name psychopath applies

© inga armstrong 2012
--------------------------
Forged Signature X

[inga]

@SimonSays
You are right I did not explain there is more than one use of the chorus in the song it does indeed run down the song woven in and out.
I wrote that last year and at the time was trying to use the same rhyme scheme in each song to get used to the practise of using it and as the months have past I have gone on to rather favour it. I am also new to writing lyrics and still finding my feet with the world of it all. So really I'm a raw newbie just feeling my way along. I cant read music so that is tieing one hand behind my back currently.
She looks ok if you dont look too closley. If you look closely you can see the woman is in shattered bits emotionally. The face and the body carry the bruises. As do the mind. Sometimes you have periods when the bruises have healed on the face area and its a day or two before the next beating happens. In the world of wives who are beaten up they try when outside to act normally for the world. They don the mask of all is ok. But its only a mask. Behind it is terror.