Rattling Clichés

[LooknGlass]

Which cliche should I use today,

to convey,

the way I feel about you

babe, ...

it can't be conveyed.



What euphemism should I choose

that I could use,

to relay my feelings

babe,...

it can't be conveyed.



My stomach has butterflies inside

I'm a nervous wreck and so tongue tied



I'm

stealing lines of poetry;

plagiarizing openly.

Spewing lines that are overused;

words I know have been abused.



I can't find the words to say___ay

.....

I'm rattling cliche__s



Which metaphor would suit you best

I must confess,

my mind is reeling

babe,...

It can't be conveyed



It's hard to breathe and I'm sweating bullets

I need something to say for reassurance



I'm

stealing lines from' a romance book;

babbling on like a running brook.

Spewing lines that are overused;

words I know have been abused.



I just don't know what to say__ay

....

I'm rattling cliche__s




I have never seen such beauty,

or have met such a lovely soul.

I'm like a schoolboy with a crush

who finds it hard to let her know



I wish I knew what to say__ay

....

I'm rattling Cliche__s





© L. James Tanner

[mikeShort]

This is really funny. A great idea, well executed. Cute, but not cloying, clever and over the top, but just the right amount.

The only problem I have is with the second verse: a euphemism (which apparently I can't spell OR pronounce) is a substitution of a positive-sounding word for a negative concept: waste management for garbage collection, surgical strike for bomb the crap out of people. So in this case, you don't want a euphemism, because you really do have positive feelings for the "singee" and a euphemism is essentially a lie. However, I don't think you used simile, so that's still available.

And the song may be long enough if you just drop it. But drop it I would.

[LooknGlass]

This is really funny. A great idea, well executed. Cute, but not cloying, clever and over the top, but just the right amount.

The only problem I have is with the second verse: a euphemism (which apparently I can't spell OR pronounce) is a substitution of a positive-sounding word for a negative concept: waste management for garbage collection, surgical strike for bomb the crap out of people. So in this case, you don't want a euphemism, because you really do have positive feelings for the "singee" and a euphemism is essentially a lie. However, I don't think you used simile, so that's still available.

And the song may be long enough if you just drop it. But drop it I would.

Thanks for reading and the critique Mike.....I must admit that that line was a filler until I found the right word that is STILL on the tip of my tongue. It has bothered me. But I do plan on still having a verse there but with a different word. I figured someone would catch that. Thanks for the input, it's much appreciated.

[FeffyShell]

Very clever. I love it.
I do agree with Mike on the euphemism line - that stuck out as "not quite right" to me too.