Re: Moral Support for Songwriters

[jchitty]

This is a WONDERFUL thread. I loved reading the observations from all the TAXI members here. My songwriting came to me very late in life after a long extended physical illness. I have always suppressed my artistic side because my family thought creative people were kind of peculiar and 'no accounts.' So I did what I was supposed to do....I got a job that earned money, got married, etc. But from the time I was a little snip of a thing, I was writing poetry and short stories. I never took up an instrument, but I could still write songs. I threw all these bits of poems and songs in a drawer because I never thought 'they would amount to anything.' I once won a school poetry contest when I was just seven years old, but my mother being a business woman type never really encouraged that pursuit. So I got the message that it was BAD to be artistic. So two and a half years ago, I got sick when we installed new carpet in our home. I didn't even know what was making me sick. All of a sudden I had severe respiratory problems. My throat would swell every day, and I couldn't sleep because of severe asthma and sinus problems. I got sicker and sicker, and frankly, there was a point I thought I wouldn't make it. Eventually, we realized what made me sick when a doctor figured it out. Even then, I couldn't believe it. I thought how in the hell can new carpet make you sick? I didn't know that carpets contain things like formaldehyde and phenol, and some people are just sensitive to those things...it aggravates their respiratory systems. In the meantime, to keep myself from becoming totally depressed (because I was bedridden for nine months) all of a sudden, I started writing songs. It's like a floodgate had opened.....like this environmental illness had laid a gift in my lap....that was the gift of, 'you are artistic, you always have been, you just didn't want to notice it, you didn't have the time.'Getting so sick was the worst thing that ever happened to me, and it was the best thing that ever happened to me.It connected me with what I'm really here for on this planet....I've never felt so much passion for anything in my life, and if I had to get sick all over again, I'd do it because I got my songs that way. I am well now....I've become pro-active with this illness, although I have very small relapses sometimes. I just have to avoid places which make me sick...in other words, I couldn't work in an office with new carpet, hehe.Sometimes, you get a blessing wrapped in a scary disguise.....if you get that, you better take it, even if you want to throw in the towel. Would I like to make money from my songs? Yes, I would. But do I have to make money from my songs? No I don't. 'Coz I got something wonderful.....I was given the gift of finally connecting with who I was as person and what I'm really supposed to be doing whether that makes money or not.And how many people really get that gift? We are a VERY lucky bunch.

[jchitty]

Quote:LMias - welcome to the boards. I was in the same "place" as you until I found Taxi. The difference, as Chitty mentioned, is that most people have a hard time separating a hobby from a start-up business, and don't understand that creating music is something that you really have to work hard to learn. Your songwriting is just like building a business that you are passionate about but that few other people would understand how to run. Keep learning and doing what you are doing but use these boards for support. Otherwise you are trying to find something in your friends and relatives that just doesn't exist - you may as well be speaking a foreign language to them and expect them to understand what your saying!I'm sorry to hear that your friend didn't come to your gig - I know that sinking feeling, but you'll find your fan base as you keep performing. cheers - AnneHey, good points, Anne. I think a lot of people think songwriting is some sort of lazy, never do well pursuit. If they only knew the hours and work that go into our songwriting. I have to say it's the first 'job' I've ever loved though.

[anne]

Hey Chits - I too didn't come back to music until I had a long illness as well. I finally figured out that since I couldn't work anyway, I didn't have any way of legitimizing not trying to return to this love of mine. Best move I ever made, next to joining in these forums!

[jchitty]

Quote:Hey Chits - I too didn't come back to music until I had a long illness as well. I finally figured out that since I couldn't work anyway, I didn't have any way of legitimizing not trying to return to this love of mine. Best move I ever made, next to joining in these forums!I've read your story, Anne, and all the difficulties you've had to overcome. It was very inspiring. Yep, like you, I figure I now have the time to devote to something I've always loved anyway...right now, I can't work either, so songwriting is a way to fill my day (makes me very happy) plus, as you've pointed out earlier, with hard work and dedication, it usually turns into a little home based biz.

[Mark Kaufman]

Hi LMias,I haven't read any of the responses to your message yet, because this hit too close to home and I just wanted to blurt it out right away.What you're experiencing is absolutely "par for the course"...I think all songwriters endure it, probably even the successful millionaire songwriters.So I'll give you my thoughts on the two hardest things that go on for people like us: 1) others view your songwriting as a frivolous pursuit, and 2) it is emotionally brutalizing to "be" a songwriter.Frivolous pursuit? Yes. Because most songwriters don't get anywhere anyway, even good ones. Every new idea is a crapshoot...often the result sucks. Sometimes your favorite efforts don't work for other people. Spouses/partners have a very hard time admitting when they don't like your song (or songs)...and when they do, hearing it pisses you off or depresses you. So a silent accord sets in. Oh, and don't forget all the time you spend with it, coaxing it, massaging it, loving it, giving birth to it. Yes, you know the comparisons...songwriting is a love affair and it is not an easy thing for your human lover to live with.Then there are the emotional maladies common to most songwriters...mood swings, depression, loneliness, distance, being misunderstood. Good songwriting is hard work, frustrating as hell. It brings elation and also sudden deep disappointments and sadness. And the lyricist in you needs to be a keen observer, so you often are silent or distracted or working out word puzzles while you stare at the floor. When you go to be alone it is viewed as rejection of human companionship. Oh God, and sometimes it is.Here is my resolution of all this: I accept it, embrace it, demand of myself that I soar above the hollow pain, demand of myself that I be a good husband and father, understand that I cannot give my everything to this fricking Muse...there are times when the genie must remain in the lamp, even when it wants to go for a fly around the room.I have learned to demand more strength of myself, because it is too unfair to ask of others, too weird for them to understand. "Normal" people only think of little bits of music...they hum a chorus or a phrase....over and over, and that's music and let's do something else now... They don't pick it apart, they don't know what a lift is, they don't care and they shouldn't have to care.But we need our time to do this, our space, and a certain amount of understanding. We need to organize our writing/playing time if we wish to have love in our lives...otherwise, we can brood all alone and do it whenever we want.LHMias, you can only get a certain amount of support from anyone who doesn't write...it probably won't seem enough. The rest must come from within. I think you need to find the giant inside of you that can help yourself through the resentments, the unfairness, and the intrusion on the beautiful dreamworld you are capable of enjoying on your own. If you want love to work out, you have to find a certain compromise.I've been married for 17 years to a woman who is admittedly tonedeaf, doesn't follow most of the troubles I tell her about when I'm trying to write well, and frankly doesn't go crazy over most of my stuff (if I was Mark Bolan she would). But we love each other, and we communicate, and we give each other time and space. We'll never leave each other. But it's hard...and the kind of support I'd really like, I can't really get from her.Chatting on the internet can help. It can go too far if you're not judicious with your time. I say find your strength...you have more inside, we always do...but you need it. Tap into it, smile, and breathe.And we'll all be wishing you the best.-Lyle

[dcandco]

LHMias, This will be a good place for you. But as a writer you have to turn yourself into an island, you observe differently, you listen internally, and you need uninterrupted seclusion to complete your songs. No one can see what's going on inside you, even when you look idle you're busy. Also some times we're so consumed that we can't see what's going on with some of the people around us, so it's easy for people we let in our lives to feel neglected. I stay single because I haven't found anybody that I want to neglect for the rest of my life.... But the only way for the general public to take you seriously is to be successful. ( they still won't understand you) Use your loneliness and everything you feel (even the suicidal thoughts) as tools to write from. And thicken your skin a bit, because you're going to be putting your soul on the line for everyone to have an opinion about, and a lot of it isn't pleasant. Be happy that he plays poker and gives you room to write. His comments aren't worth a battle, let them roll off, and focus on the nice ones. And realize that not everyone is as good a friend as you are. Dave

[dayson1]

LM, I hope you are finding some inspiration in some of the stories shared here...I know I am!-Dana

[squids]

Quote:I stay single because I haven't found anybody that I want to neglect for the rest of my life.... DaveDave! If I could bottle the irony in that statement, lol. Nice one! Great hook, too.

[squids]

Quote:Hey Chits - I too didn't come back to music until I had a long illness as well. I finally figured out that since I couldn't work anyway, I didn't have any way of legitimizing not trying to return to this love of mine. Best move I ever made, next to joining in these forums!Anne, you're an inspiration, as well as chits and all those survivors who keep trying to overcome.

[jchitty]

Thanks for the nice words, my dear Squiddy.