Re: Ok , this one really is Blues

mojobone · Post by **mojobone** » Wed Dec 03, 2008 11:21 pm

On target (it's a big ol' wide one) for the listing, well-recorded, performed and mixed. Lyrically, not very profound, a couple of cliche rhymes-and I don't like where it rhymes "me" with "me". Could do nicely for TV, possibly a film background/source; probably not to par for an artist pitch. Decent. Given the a las, might be a bit more Robben Ford-ish vocal-wise, than what they seem to be asking for, but worth submitting, IMO, says the guy with no forwards.

cjdenecia · Post by **cjdenecia** » Wed Dec 03, 2008 11:55 pm

I'll take mojo's thoughts that you fit the listing as on target ... and this is quite professionally performed ... tons of what makes rockin' blues rock ... bass walks, guitars talk and the drums dance .... very cool voice for it too ... and conceptually, I dig the idea of the lyric and to be sure "the I tried my best ..." turnarounds with the harmony is sweeeet and just show off that voice to the hilt ....but ... I dunno .... there's a lot of words man ... a lot ... and you do fit 'em all in. and in such a way that you don't sound like you're stumbling ... but ... ya know - that's a lot of words man .. it just feels sorta wrong ... the melody gets kinda washed out in syllables ... it's like this .... you ask a bassist to come in and play your blues song and he just runs all over it with 32nd notes ... all the time, cept every once in a while ... and it's all right on but it's all wrong.like you're stepping around the melody instead of being locked into it.isn't it possible to say the same thing lyrically but thin out the lines?I ain't saying make it silky smooth - but maybe just give it some time to develop here and there, let your voice work instead of having the words detirmine every frill and nuance? I dunno ... that's what I hear that's not quite right with it. everything else seems to be every bit of the train to rocksville/blues county line. it's good. eyup .... but you already know there's 12.54 million other blues songs out there that are just about the same - and unless you give it something unique and quirky (which you haven't), you really gotta make sure there's no potential flaws and it sits in the pocket ... dig brother?

billg · Post by **billg** » Thu Dec 04, 2008 2:45 am

Great sounding recording imo, fits the listing & i bet your forwarded. I get what cj is saying & it did seem like in a couple of places the lyrics were cramming for their finals but I don't think it would be a deal breaker. If there is a screener critique on this you'll find out for sure if it's a problem-

wrdsnmuzik · Post by **wrdsnmuzik** » Thu Dec 04, 2008 5:48 am

Yeah, I agree with all of the above: sounds great, really nice feel, right on the mark for mood and vibe.And yeah, it's a bit wordy at times. Example: "I don't know what you see in him , he's not the guy for you"Just taking out the words "the guy" and making it "he's not for you" would make the line scan easier and sound more relaxed.Also, I think the 3rd verse is the weakest, and you could maybe do better by repeating the first or 2nd with little variations or come-on asides.but man, those are TOTALLY subjective comments. this tracks strolls.