Re: outlaw rider

noeldowns · Post by **noeldowns** » Thu Mar 06, 2008 3:56 pm

Couldn't pick a melody but I'm guessing by lay out it has one... There are some good lines here but the old tired ones hold it down.... chorus is the worst of it... mount up saddle lined horses of chrome is not far behind... noise boys rime is not overly creative...but if you have to it will pass...BTW What is an outlaw rider... A criminal on a bike? a member of a biker gang? you need to get folk to want to be this guy... tell them why they should. something like this... probobly won't fit your melody...A modern day cowboy not willing to conform,His choice of friends attracts attention from the law,drowning in the smell of concrete, it's time to take some air,I've worn holes from too much walkin so I'm outa here....hope this helps some.... Cheers

lopc · Post by **lopc** » Fri Mar 07, 2008 9:45 am

There is an opportunity here for you to exploit this idea beyond the original intent. Outlaw Rider would probably be better served as "Modern Day Angels". Everybody and their sister, and mothers, are buying Harleys, locking 'em up in the garage and waiting for agreeable weather so they can climb on them and ride a few hours a week. There is a solid reason for this. It gives them all a sense of freedom for a brief period in their fast-paced lives. It is therapeutic. Most bikers share a respect for each other, whether they choose to travel on two wheels everywhere they go or for a short getaway, whether they ride in old jeans and colors or designer crap, and whether they wear a helmet or not. Motorcycles just make you feel good. There is no indication that riding one should be identified with an outlaw of any sort, especially in this day and age. The "Angel" reference is probably better served than "Outlaws".Some quick observations and advice:Modern Day Outlaws- wanting to make some noisePull on their fashionable leathers climb on their toysLeave their Benz in the drive and straddle the chromeLeave the stress all behind for a piece of the roadOnce again, there is definitely a possiblilty for this work to be quite good. Exploit the hell out of it. Hell, if you have a cool melodic score, I would love to collaborate on the lyric.

lopc · Post by **lopc** » Fri Mar 07, 2008 9:55 am

Sorry, typo-make that:Modern Day Angels- wanting to make some noisePull on their fashionable leathers climb on their toysLeave their Benz in the drive and straddle the chromeLeave the stress all behind for a piece of the road

noeldowns · Post by **noeldowns** » Thu Mar 13, 2008 12:32 pm

Quote: i kind of had this song in mind for real riders....THis is not a Critisim of your ability JMOMan do you ride a hog? Alternatively do you know what it's like to be a member of a club like that? There are two kinds of outlaw ( in the context you are talking) ..... those who are!..... and those redneck pussies that travel in packs like mongrel dogs beating up on anything smaller than themselves who like to pretend they, are but in reality are just pack bullies. ... kind of like dudes on a dude ranch.... there is more than just bikes, denim and leather to the make up of those who are... it is a life and brotherhood governed by a code... And if you want to write for them you need to know them or be one of them. In your song you need to make it abundantly clear who you are talking about... you need to conect with them and empathise.... You need to tell it from their side, it needs to be real... but you also need to draw in the listener who is not one and have them feel that empathy and want to be one of them, or love one of them.....I am not one of either group.... but the words you used instantly brought visons of rednecks..... an you lost me.... JMOCheers

noeldowns · Post by **noeldowns** » Thu Mar 20, 2008 5:30 pm

Quote:Do you review all people like this? You could have chosen some better words than the foul language you used. id appreciate it next time. thanxOnly if I think I can offer some helpful advice... Foul language? Not sure what you mean unless it was the "R" word but It is not what I find offencive but the reader so please accept my sincerist appologies for any offence you found in my words.... See you on the merry go round of life Cheers Noel

jonathansorensen · Post by **jonathansorensen** » Sat Mar 22, 2008 10:33 am

Noel,LOL, yeah, I get what you're saying. The wanna bes. I think the reaction came with the assumption that a label for any group is inherently negative and so safe to use. In an international forum, there will always be people from that group. For example, it's in vogue in the U.S. to talk about "trailer trash". It's a term even used in newspapers and on the news. I lived for a time, in an 8X32 foot trailer with my two parents and two brothers and two sisters. I hate politically correct but in a forum like this there are gonna be rednecks here. I was raised around rednecks. My grandfather is a redneck, most of my friends from back home are rednecks, drive around in chevy or ford pickups and have gun racks on the back window. Most of them are decent folk and a few of them are exactly what you meant.I guess what I'm saying is, it's hard to use a negative label anywhere anymore because there is bound to be someone from that group present. That said, I think everyone can get what you meant especially when those terms are bandied about all the time.Jon